Brezhnev Senility Jokes - Ready to Update for Biden

Freep | 11-24-2020 | CharlesOconnell

[CharlesOConnell]

(Warning, reading this thread is a thought crime.)

Leonid Brezhnev was democratic leader of the enlightened Soviet Union from 1964 to 1982. President Joseph Biden could serve an equally lengthy term with help from cybernetics and cryogenesis, so we'd better start working on our jokes. These ones about Brezhnev's mental acuity need updating for the new President.

• During Brezhnev's visit to England, Prime Minister Thatcher asked the guest, "What is your attitude to Churchill?" "Who is Churchill?" Brezhnev said. Back in the embassy, the Soviet envoy said, "Congratulations, comrade Brezhnev, you've put Thatcher in her place. She will not ask stupid questions any more." "And who is Thatcher?" Brezhnev said.
• An aide says to Brezhnev, "Comrade General Secretary, you wear today one shoe black and the other brown." "Yes," Brezhnev answers, "I've noticed it myself." "Why didn't you change?" "See, I went to change, but when I looked in the closet, there was also one shoe brown and the other black."
• At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech. "O!"—applause. "O!"—an ovation. "O!!!"—the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"
• Meeting a foreign leader at the airport, Brezhnev begins to read his prepared speech: "Dear and much-respected Mrs Gandhi..." ..." An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, it's Margaret Thatcher." Brezhnev adjusts his spectacles and starts again: "Dear and much-respected Mrs Gandhi..." The aide interrupts him again, saying, "Leonid Ilyich, it's Margaret Thatcher! Look!" "I know it's Margaret Thatcher," Brezhnev replies, "but this speech says it's Indira Gandhi!"
• After a speech, Brezhnev confronts his speechwriter. "I asked for a 15-minute speech, but the one you gave me lasted 45 minutes!" The speechwriter replies: "I gave you three copies..."
• Somebody knocks at the door of Brezhnev's office. Brezhnev walks to the door, sets glasses on his nose, fetches a piece of paper from his pocket and reads, "Who's there?"
• Brezhnev is dying; a doctor and some politburo are present in the room. With his last breath, Brezhnev demands "Get me a priest!" and expires. Only the doctor hears this clearly. A politburo member asks the doctor what Brezhnev said. The doctor replies "Invade Afghanistan".
• Brezhnev is entering the third hour of his speech to the Party Congress, when the comrades from the organs of security suddenly swoop and arrest a group of American spies in the audience.  ‘Brilliant work!’ says Brezhnev.  ‘But how did you pick them out?’  ‘Well,’ say the KGB men modestly, ‘as you yourself have observed, Comrade General Secretary, the enemy never sleeps...’
• Did you hear about the crocodile that ate Brezhnev?  Yes, the poor thing has been [defecating] medals for a fortnight.
• The phone rings, Brezhnev picks up the receiver: "Hello, this is dear Leonid Ilyich...".

[Berosus]

Actually, the invasion of Afghanistan began in 1979, almost three years before Brezhnev’s death.

[1Old Pro]

Biden is in a cocoon, totally protected from people observing his Dementia. Media helping to protect him as well, haven’t noticed he hasn’t answered an unrehearsed question in 9 months.

[CharlesOConnell]

Actually, the invasion of Afghanistan began in 1979, almost three years before Brezhnev’s death.

Lenin, Stalin, Brezhnev, and Gorbachev are on a train to the Great Worker's Rally in Moscow. Suddenly, the train stops and the great men get out to discover that there are no tracks in front of the train. Worried about making it to the rally on time, the men start discussing a solution.

Lenin turns to the men and says, "Comrades, I know exactly what we should do! We will go to a nearby village and inspire the Proletariat workers to build a path the rest of the way to Moscow! That will get us to the rally in time!"

Stalin chuckled darkly and shook his head. "Comrade, you are too idealistic. That will never work! What we must do is go to the village and execute every tenth worker. This will frighten them to work as fast as possible building the tracks. Surely THIS is the best way to get to the rally!"

Brezhnev turned to the men and scoffed. "That will not work either! We have neither the supply nor the manpower. It is obvious what we should do. We will take the tracks from behind the train, and put them in front of the train. Then, we will move the train forward to Moscow, one track link at a time! This will be the most efficient way to reach Moscow."

Gorbachev looked at the other leaders and shook his head slowly. "My friends," he said, "you are all wrong."

"What should we do, then?" inquired the other leaders.

Gorbachev looked to them and said, "the only thing we can do is to get in the train, close the curtains, and pretend we are moving forward."

[dfwgator]

More like “President” Lepetomane

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVG1uClfOKs

[DPMD]

Don’t worry. I’m sure the late night talking heads will pick up the slack. Right?

[1Old Pro]

Don’t worry. I’m sure the late night talking heads will pick up the slack. Right?

Dunno, I think that are praising his "hip" cabinet picks and lauding his choices at every level. He can't do anything wrong, the guy is amazing for being demented.

[montag813]

Biden isn’t senile. That was one of the dumbest decisions of the Trump campaign to portray him that way. Then Biden was able to easily outperform those expectations at each debate and town hall appearance.

[Vermont Lt]

He is not senile. He is demented. I’ve seen it a thousand times. Well, maybe a dozen up very close.

He can pull it together so for stretches. With a lot of help, he will be able to keep up. Until he cant.

And then he will disappear for days at a time.

[DuncanWaring]

Ping.

[aquila48]

Bookmark

[Jaded]

You mean like Hillary used to do?

[Verginius Rufus]

Brezhnev was already of some importance in 1959. There is a photo of Nixon and Khrushchev having their “kitchen debate” at the US exhibit of a typical American kitchen and Brezhnev is one of the Russians in the background.

[DPMD]

I probably have said explicitly that the post was sarcasm.

sigh.