Government Clarifies Alert Message Reading 'THE ARACHNIDS ARE HERE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!' Just A Test

Babylon Bee ^ | 10/04/2023 | Babylon Bee

[DFG]

U.S. — The federal government quickly reminded everyone that the emergency alert telling everyone to run from their lives from invading arachnids was merely a test.

"To clarify, the message that we are all about to die was just a test," said the White House. "We're going to assume from the millions of dead boomers lying in the street that the system worked."

After weeks of preparation, the National Emergency Alert System decided to go with invading arachnids for the test message. "It really conveys the level of panic we want people to feel," said Director Amanda Baines. "You hear that sound, we want people running into the streets in terror looking for the mutant monsters that have come to kill us all. I think we're on the right track."

At publishing time, it was discovered that half the United States Senate had died from heart attacks as a result of the test.

[DFG]

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

I for one welcome our new spider overlords.

[MNJohnnie]

I knew I should of bought that flamer thrower last week.

[MNJohnnie]

LOL

[srmanuel]

Why not, could it be any worse than now, spiders are an industrious species, maybe we could learn something from them.

No one teaches them how to build a web but they build some of the most intricate webs imaginable and they do it over night, something to be said for that.

[Red Badger]

run from their lives?..........................

[Red Badger]

[NorthMountain]

[Boogieman]

Silly humans, you can’t run from the Arachnids. Your best move is to remain perfectly still and hope they pass you by without noticing.

[Redcitizen]

Only thing is we don’t have armored suits.

[Big Red Badger]

We Had a good run 🏃‍♀️

[Organic Panic]

all three of my phone’s froze and had to rebooted. I can only.imagine what crap they installed. Time for a factory reboot.

[NorthMountain]

No armored suits, no nuclear bazookas (used to though), and most importantly no starships.

[dynachrome]

Spiders on drugs building webs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2HipedgM3I

;)

[KarlInOhio]

I wondered what the pop up window with "los arachnidos" was talking about.

Seriously, I got two messages and the first was in Spanish.

[MtnClimber]

The population reduction actions are just a test. Much more to come.

[Sarah Barracuda]

Of course the alert came in two minutes early..nothing this idiotic Govt does is ever done right

[1Old Pro]

Seriously, I got two messages and the first was in Spanish.

Mine were in Chinese, hmmm

[9422WMR]

event the phones in “silent mode” rang.
Who the hell allowed the gov the right to mess with my personal property?

[Bounced2X]

Starship Troopers

Its's the end.