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How to Write Good
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Posted on 03/19/2005 3:01:04 AM PST by Samwise

Don't use no double negatives.

Don't never use no triple negatives.

No sentence fragments

Corollary: Complete sentences: important.

Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.

Avoid cliches like the plague.

All generalizations are bad.

Corollary: All statements must be specific.

Never listen to advice.

Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.

A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.

Anarchy should be the law.

Corollary: I will establish democracy by dictatorial decree.

Everyone should be a non-conformist.

People who insult others are jerks.

Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.

Death to intolerance.

Down with categorical imperatives.

Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep going, they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever...if you get my drift...

Nobody has a right to his opinion.

Never contradict yourself always.

Good people like I are never self-righteous.

You should never use the second person.

The passive voice should never be used.

We Scorpios don't believe in astrology.

When dangling, watch your participles.

Why no, Ossifer, I'm not under the alcofluence of incohol.

Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who lived in the sixth century, which was an era dominated by the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland...

Always do what is right, even if it's wrong.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."

Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!

Remember to end each sentence with a period

Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.

Don't use question marks inappropriately?

Don't be terse.

Don't obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.

Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.

Stop calling me immature or I'll tell on you.

Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into the black abyss of overused metaphors.

Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.

We will fight to the death for our pacifist aims.

Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.

Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliterations.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


TOPICS: Books/Literature; Chit/Chat; Education; Humor
KEYWORDS: good; write; writing
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1 posted on 03/19/2005 3:01:04 AM PST by Samwise
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To: Samwise

OK this is a keeper.


Funny too.


2 posted on 03/19/2005 3:03:41 AM PST by Blueflag (Res ipsa loquitor)
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To: Blueflag
Glad you liked it. I didn't think it had posted. I kept getting a Temporarily Unavailable message.
3 posted on 03/19/2005 3:06:06 AM PST by Samwise (Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.)
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To: doodlelady; bentfeather

I thought you might appreciate this.


4 posted on 03/19/2005 3:06:44 AM PST by Samwise (Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.)
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To: Samwise
This is the goodest stuff I've ever read recently!!!!!!!!!
5 posted on 03/19/2005 3:26:34 AM PST by yer gonna put yer eye out (Will quip for food...)
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To: Samwise

"Don't use commas, which aren't necessary."

LOL, I used to proof read for one of our lawyers. I always told him "Jim, I'll bring my little bag of commas right over." Because he never used any. I once had to practically twist his arm to add parentheses to his parenthetical phrase. I told him I'd seen many fine writers use them often, even in modern magazine articles. That convinced him. He was a good lawyer, but not a very good writer.


6 posted on 03/19/2005 6:17:24 AM PST by jocon307
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To: Cagey

Finally, something to help you out.


7 posted on 03/19/2005 6:18:42 AM PST by ShadowDancer (As for the types of comments I make,sometimes I just, By God,get carried away with my own eloquence.)
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To: Samwise
It behooves us to avoid anachronisms.

Allways chek yor spelin carfuly.
8 posted on 03/19/2005 6:24:04 AM PST by Lonesome in Massachussets (Deadcheck the embeds first.)
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To: Onyxx

Please don't smack me for pinging you to this. rofl.


9 posted on 03/19/2005 6:26:04 AM PST by Unknown Freeper
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To: ShadowDancer

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one sittin' here and I can't hear a damn thing."

10 posted on 03/19/2005 6:29:20 AM PST by Cagey (As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!!!")
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To: Cagey
Class is in session. Spit out your gum, put your feet on the floor and straighten that dunce cap.


11 posted on 03/19/2005 6:35:17 AM PST by ShadowDancer (As for the types of comments I make,sometimes I just, By God,get carried away with my own eloquence.)
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To: Samwise
I thought you might appreciate this.

You was write!
Tanks a lotz.

12 posted on 03/19/2005 7:21:40 AM PST by b9 (WWHH whatwouldhillaryhate?)
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To: ShadowDancer

"You're scaring me now."

13 posted on 03/19/2005 8:17:42 AM PST by Cagey (As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!!!")
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To: Lonesome in Massachussets
Owed to a Spell Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

14 posted on 03/19/2005 11:30:03 AM PST by MotleyGirl70
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To: MotleyGirl70

That's a good one. :^)


15 posted on 03/19/2005 12:13:42 PM PST by Samwise (Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.)
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To: Samwise

"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out."

hehehehe..

My sister saw a kid's report card once, and on it was graded on his "Use of Apostraphe's" I'm not kidding...

We used to count the times we saw stupid billboards like "TRUCK'S FOR SELL!" on our car trips through Alabama.


16 posted on 03/19/2005 12:40:00 PM PST by melbell (A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing, and say your mother)
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To: MotleyGirl70

gawsh that's funny. I'm sending that one to my sister!


17 posted on 03/19/2005 12:41:43 PM PST by melbell (A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing, and say your mother)
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To: MotleyGirl70
hehe, when I put that poem into word document to save it, it marked "chequer" as being spelled wrong, and it also found two grammatical errors! :) Perhaps it's not as bad as we thought??
18 posted on 03/19/2005 12:43:21 PM PST by melbell (A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing, and say your mother)
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To: melbell
:) It's a classic from a few years back and a good one to pass along.

Your profile is cute, with your "loves" and "dislikes". I like how the little star spelz out your name. May I ask how you did that or where you got it from.

19 posted on 03/19/2005 12:53:06 PM PST by MotleyGirl70
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To: MotleyGirl70

aw thanks! :) I made the star "sigtag" myself.

I use a free program called the Gimp, but I think commercial ones like photoshop and PSP will also do the basic animation.

Freepmail me if you want one and I'll make it, just tell me what name you want. :)


20 posted on 03/19/2005 12:56:37 PM PST by melbell (A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing, and say your mother)
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