Uhm, yeh, I'm gonna need you.....to uhm, come to work on Saturday, yeh.
And, this isn't gonna be like a half-day, no. I'm gonna need you to work a full-day, yeh.
Posted on 01/24/2006 9:13:51 AM PST by hiramknight
Somedays, it seems like everyone around you has had one stupid pill too many. Feel free to borrow from this list when required.
>THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary
Here's one I used once at an old job:
A lady came in to the convienance store I was a manager of complaining about the price of our gas (which by the way was the same or less than anywhere in town). Keep in mind this was at the end of a 14-hour day. I told her, "Don't blame me, blame the environmentalists." She replied, "Well, it's your store! YOU should make it cheaper!"
My reply: "Sorry, can't do it. By the way, you owe me a rib."
When I was working as a waitress at ChiChi's back in the day, there was a girl I couldn't stand. She came in one day with a fresh suntan/burn and I said "You know, you can't tan away ugly".
I would kill that man
Just got a call with the dumbest question, asking us if we sell an advertiser's product. I said no, we sell our magazine.
I wanted to say, "That's about the stupidest question I've ever heard," but I think the caller realized her mistake because she got embarrass´d and told me,
"Why, honey, you just don't have the southern charm I was expecting."
Amen, sister.
In the past I've had two co-workers ask me if they needed extra postage to send something to New Mexico.
True story.
-Do you have the faintest clue what a pain in the aZZ you are?
-You do realize I don't get paid to put up with you?
-Did you mother feed you lead paint chips as a child?
-AAAAAAAAARRGGHH! (Howard Dean-style scream)
-I'll tell you where you can put that report...
-Were you born stupid, or did you have to work at it?
Very, very, very funny.
2. Time to take the Christmas cards down, homey.
What a cutie!!!
if you understood my business, you'd understand the stupidity of the question.
and no, stupider is not a word.
teeny, The Girlfriend keeps those up, not me.
:`)
Pup pup looks rather satisfied while curious of the camera.
Good dog.
Riiiiight. : )
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