Skip to comments.Gas grills bring out guys' primitive side
Posted on 07/21/2006 5:56:55 AM PDT by CT-Freeper
Did you ever notice that the gas grill is the man's domain? Even in homes where the man of the house has never prepared a single meal in the kitchen -- unless you count pulling a package of Pop Tarts out of the box -- as soon as it's decided that dinner will be cooked on the gas grill, the man of the house eagerly dons his "Born to Barbecue" apron and announces to no one in particular, "OK, let's do some grillin'!!"
Of course, there are some men who enjoy all forms of cooking and know their way around the kitchen quite well. And then there are normal guys: those who wouldn't know which room in the house actually is the kitchen except that when they first moved into the house and rolled the refrigerator right next to the reclining chair in the living room (a very good location if you ask me), their wives exclaimed, "The fridge goes in the kitchen! No, honey, that's the dining room. Over here. See the linoleum floor, the sink, the stove? That's right. Good boy. Here's a doggie treat. Now go out to the truck and bring in the sofa. No, honey, that's a closet door. The front door is over there. That's right. Good boy."
Men are usually in charge of the gas grill because it employs an element of nature that gets men very excited: bikinis. No wait, wrong element of nature. Gas grills utilize a different element of nature that gets men just as excited, if not more excited, than bikinis: fire.
Thousands of years ago it was men who first discovered fire. Women did not discover fire because they were back home deciding which corner of the cave was the best place to locate the refrigerator. Just like that famous Greek guy, Archimedes, who exclaimed, "Eureka!" when he discovered the bubble bath, the first guy to discover fire -- his name was Ooog -- also uttered a memorable word. Upon discovering fire, Ooog exclaimed, "Aaaiiieeee!!!" The fire Ooog discovered was a brush fire caused by lightning.
Ooog looked at it curiously, and then thought to himself, "I wonder if that is just as refreshing to jump into as a cool stream?" Moments later, a smoldering Ooog declared his historic pronouncement.
Soon after, it was men who discovered that food tastes a lot better when it's placed in fire for a while. The specific guy who first discovered this important fact -- his name was Mooog -- offered these historic words, "Not bad, but Ooog would taste even better with ketchup."
Gas grilles are pretty much the only way for modern men to be in touch with their primitive side these days. Face it, in our society we are not allowed to have fun with fire. If you even own a cigarette lighter the Smoking Nazis want to lock you up. It's now against the law to burn piles of leaves in the Fall. If you start a fire in the fireplace, someone is sure to say, "Fireplace soot is bad for little Leonard's asthma! Put that out at once or I'll call the Soot Nazis!" And I need not mention that in these "politically correct" times, it is no longer socially acceptable to entertain the neighborhood kids by breaking out Uncle Mike's World War II surplus flamethrower.
So modern men are basically flame-less these days -- except when it comes to the gas grill season. Then, thankfully, we are allowed to singe our eyebrows and arm hair to our heart's content.
Guys, in the immortal words of our pioneering forebears, please join me in a hearty, "Aaaiiieeee!!!"
Bill Dunn is a free-lance writer who resides in Torrington. He can be reached via his Web site at: www.boomertrek.com.
*grunt* : )
Oooga Oooga Oooga, charcoal grills are better!
I would think a charcoal grill would have more appeal to the primitive male urge. Gas seems more feminine, and electric, of course, is totally girly :-).
I can out cook any gas griller with this.
I much prefer charcoal myself, but yes, the grill is my favorite tool for cooking a good meal.
I agree. I prefer my Weber charcoal grill.
That must be why I have electric.
You never have to struggle to get the coals lighted or worry about running out of propane (or blowing yourself up). That must be a man thing. LOL
Sorry, but I just don't understand gas grills outside. Why? To cook on a kitchen stove that happens to be outside? Does the meat taste better? Of course not and it damn sure ain't barbecue.
Only a pit with smoldering logs of oak, mesquite, hickory, etc. (ok, charcoal briquettes too, as long as they have bits of a wood in them for flavor, but that's borderline) make barbecue.
As the sign used to say on a South Texas barbecue joint, "If there ain't no smoke, there ain't no barbecue."
I had just assembled my big new gas grill and turned on the gas for the initial fire-up. I noticed one of the venturi, or something, was askew so I leaned in to set it right. Dumb move as the gas had now been on a while. My upper thigh pressed the igniter button (imagine that, it was in a different place than my last grill.)
No nasal hair whatsoever, scorched eyebrows, and burned the underside of my nose...but I was enjoying the best laugh I'd had in a month. The little lady came running out and said the sliding glass door rattled severely and she could see the flash. Then she proceeded to berate me while I stood there chuckling.
I googled the word for a giggle. There really is a Grillzilla...
Being recently retired, I'm in the market for a charcoal grill.
I've got the time now.
Gas is nice and fast but charcoal is the real deal.
Fire good. Smoke better. Weberbullet bump.
I can time my steaks and burgers by the number of beers I have.
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