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Gas grills bring out guys' primitive side
Waterbury (CT) Republican-American ^ | Friday, July 21, 2006 | Bill Dunn

Posted on 07/21/2006 5:56:55 AM PDT by CT-Freeper

Did you ever notice that the gas grill is the man's domain? Even in homes where the man of the house has never prepared a single meal in the kitchen -- unless you count pulling a package of Pop Tarts out of the box -- as soon as it's decided that dinner will be cooked on the gas grill, the man of the house eagerly dons his "Born to Barbecue" apron and announces to no one in particular, "OK, let's do some grillin'!!"

Of course, there are some men who enjoy all forms of cooking and know their way around the kitchen quite well. And then there are normal guys: those who wouldn't know which room in the house actually is the kitchen except that when they first moved into the house and rolled the refrigerator right next to the reclining chair in the living room (a very good location if you ask me), their wives exclaimed, "The fridge goes in the kitchen! No, honey, that's the dining room. Over here. See the linoleum floor, the sink, the stove? That's right. Good boy. Here's a doggie treat. Now go out to the truck and bring in the sofa. No, honey, that's a closet door. The front door is over there. That's right. Good boy."

Men are usually in charge of the gas grill because it employs an element of nature that gets men very excited: bikinis. No wait, wrong element of nature. Gas grills utilize a different element of nature that gets men just as excited, if not more excited, than bikinis: fire.

Thousands of years ago it was men who first discovered fire. Women did not discover fire because they were back home deciding which corner of the cave was the best place to locate the refrigerator. Just like that famous Greek guy, Archimedes, who exclaimed, "Eureka!" when he discovered the bubble bath, the first guy to discover fire -- his name was Ooog -- also uttered a memorable word. Upon discovering fire, Ooog exclaimed, "Aaaiiieeee!!!" The fire Ooog discovered was a brush fire caused by lightning.

Ooog looked at it curiously, and then thought to himself, "I wonder if that is just as refreshing to jump into as a cool stream?" Moments later, a smoldering Ooog declared his historic pronouncement.

Soon after, it was men who discovered that food tastes a lot better when it's placed in fire for a while. The specific guy who first discovered this important fact -- his name was Mooog -- offered these historic words, "Not bad, but Ooog would taste even better with ketchup."

Gas grilles are pretty much the only way for modern men to be in touch with their primitive side these days. Face it, in our society we are not allowed to have fun with fire. If you even own a cigarette lighter the Smoking Nazis want to lock you up. It's now against the law to burn piles of leaves in the Fall. If you start a fire in the fireplace, someone is sure to say, "Fireplace soot is bad for little Leonard's asthma! Put that out at once or I'll call the Soot Nazis!" And I need not mention that in these "politically correct" times, it is no longer socially acceptable to entertain the neighborhood kids by breaking out Uncle Mike's World War II surplus flamethrower.

So modern men are basically flame-less these days -- except when it comes to the gas grill season. Then, thankfully, we are allowed to singe our eyebrows and arm hair to our heart's content.

Guys, in the immortal words of our pioneering forebears, please join me in a hearty, "Aaaiiieeee!!!"

Bill Dunn is a free-lance writer who resides in Torrington. He can be reached via his Web site at: www.boomertrek.com.


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: grilling; grunt; humor; men; mongolovebrats; ugh
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Hooray for grilling! My wife and I (meaning: me) use our grill at least 3x per week during the summer.
1 posted on 07/21/2006 5:56:58 AM PDT by CT-Freeper
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To: Constitution Day

*grunt* : )


2 posted on 07/21/2006 5:57:33 AM PDT by TheBigB (Livin' in a blue city in a red county in a blue state in a red nation.)
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To: CT-Freeper
Grills have cup holders, stoves do not!
Question Answered!
3 posted on 07/21/2006 6:00:59 AM PDT by xpertskir (Mccaine Lieberman '08(democratic ticket))
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To: CT-Freeper

Oooga Oooga Oooga, charcoal grills are better!


4 posted on 07/21/2006 6:01:04 AM PDT by rock_lobsta (cair = hamas = iran = EVIL)
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To: CT-Freeper

I would think a charcoal grill would have more appeal to the primitive male urge. Gas seems more feminine, and electric, of course, is totally girly :-).


5 posted on 07/21/2006 6:01:26 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Whiskey for my men, hyperbolic rodomontade for my horses.)
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To: CT-Freeper
Gas grills are for the metro sexual. Charcoal, however is real grilling.
6 posted on 07/21/2006 6:02:52 AM PDT by DariusBane (I do not separate people, as do the narrow-minded, into Greeks and barbarians.)
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To: CT-Freeper

"No Mango Salsa for Grog.
Grog like taste of meat from fire"

7 posted on 07/21/2006 6:04:07 AM PDT by DoctorMichael (A wall first. A wall now.)
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To: rock_lobsta

I can out cook any gas griller with this.

8 posted on 07/21/2006 6:04:36 AM PDT by bmwcyle (Only stupid people would vote for McCain, Warner, Hagle, Snowe, Graham, or any RINO)
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To: CT-Freeper

I much prefer charcoal myself, but yes, the grill is my favorite tool for cooking a good meal.


9 posted on 07/21/2006 6:05:09 AM PDT by JamesP81 ("Never let your schooling interfere with your education" --Mark Twain)
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To: Tax-chick
Mr. Mew just said real men use lump charcoal ;)
10 posted on 07/21/2006 6:06:37 AM PDT by mewzilla (Property must be secured or liberty cannot exist. John Adams)
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To: CT-Freeper
"...and announces to no one in particular, "OK, let's do some grillin'!!"

Mine is, "Baby, get me a grillin' tool (a.k.a. BEER)!"

We grill darn near every night. Beef, pork, chicken, fish, and just about everything else that can be cooked on a stove-top or in an oven.

The true test of a griller is the Beef Brisket. If you can turn the toughest piece of cow into a melt in your mouth BBQ masterpiece, then you have reached the pinnacle of grilling and can hence forth be known as a "Grill Master." Mine takes 7 hours total.
11 posted on 07/21/2006 6:06:38 AM PDT by Mathews (Ambition, absent a moral compass, is naked destruction.)
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To: rock_lobsta

I agree. I prefer my Weber charcoal grill.


12 posted on 07/21/2006 6:07:07 AM PDT by FearlessFreep (Excuse me. But are those your legs or are you riding a chicken?)
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To: Tax-chick
electric, of course, is totally girly

That must be why I have electric.
You never have to struggle to get the coals lighted or worry about running out of propane (or blowing yourself up). That must be a man thing. LOL

13 posted on 07/21/2006 6:07:48 AM PDT by mollynme (cogito, ergo freepum)
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To: CT-Freeper

Sorry, but I just don't understand gas grills outside. Why? To cook on a kitchen stove that happens to be outside? Does the meat taste better? Of course not and it damn sure ain't barbecue.

Only a pit with smoldering logs of oak, mesquite, hickory, etc. (ok, charcoal briquettes too, as long as they have bits of a wood in them for flavor, but that's borderline) make barbecue.

As the sign used to say on a South Texas barbecue joint, "If there ain't no smoke, there ain't no barbecue."


14 posted on 07/21/2006 6:08:26 AM PDT by DaGman
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To: CT-Freeper
One of my top lapses in reasonable thought (or lack thereof):

I had just assembled my big new gas grill and turned on the gas for the initial fire-up. I noticed one of the venturi, or something, was askew so I leaned in to set it right. Dumb move as the gas had now been on a while. My upper thigh pressed the igniter button (imagine that, it was in a different place than my last grill.)

WHHHUUUUUMP!

No nasal hair whatsoever, scorched eyebrows, and burned the underside of my nose...but I was enjoying the best laugh I'd had in a month. The little lady came running out and said the sliding glass door rattled severely and she could see the flash. Then she proceeded to berate me while I stood there chuckling.

15 posted on 07/21/2006 6:08:36 AM PDT by Sax
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To: mewzilla
Grillzilla

I googled the word for a giggle. There really is a Grillzilla...

16 posted on 07/21/2006 6:09:13 AM PDT by mewzilla (Property must be secured or liberty cannot exist. John Adams)
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To: CT-Freeper

Being recently retired, I'm in the market for a charcoal grill.
I've got the time now.

Gas is nice and fast but charcoal is the real deal.


17 posted on 07/21/2006 6:09:30 AM PDT by Vinnie
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To: DoctorMichael

"Otrah".


18 posted on 07/21/2006 6:10:38 AM PDT by Crawdad (So the guy says to the doctor, "It hurts when I do this.")
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To: DoctorMichael

Fire good. Smoke better. Weberbullet bump.


19 posted on 07/21/2006 6:11:21 AM PDT by wordsofearnest (Bring Back Torre (There's new grass on the field))
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To: Vinnie

I can time my steaks and burgers by the number of beers I have.


20 posted on 07/21/2006 6:11:25 AM PDT by FearlessFreep (Excuse me. But are those your legs or are you riding a chicken?)
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To: CT-Freeper
Gas grills..primitive..you have got to be kidding.
Unless you are cooking over wood (maybe charcoal) it is not primitive.
Gas grills indeed. There is no way you can get a good slow smoked pulled pork on gas.
21 posted on 07/21/2006 6:12:06 AM PDT by svcw
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To: bmwcyle

You betcha. Chunk Charcoal > *


22 posted on 07/21/2006 6:12:06 AM PDT by Dreagon
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To: Dreagon

And flavor woods.


23 posted on 07/21/2006 6:13:09 AM PDT by bmwcyle (Only stupid people would vote for McCain, Warner, Hagle, Snowe, Graham, or any RINO)
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To: CT-Freeper

Burgers last night. Maple-soy-glazed wild salmon the night before. Tri-tip sirloin and chicken are on deck for the weekend nights; we'll probably go out tonight.


24 posted on 07/21/2006 6:13:34 AM PDT by FreedomPoster (Guns themselves are fairly robust; their chief enemies are rust and politicians) (NRA)
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To: CT-Freeper

My wife god bless her sucks at grilling and bbqing... she's a great cook.. but something about putting it on the grill totally perplexes her... her attempts always wind up as Carbon on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.

Now, whether its because she can't figure it out? Or just prefers that she doesn't have to do the cooking when the grill is in use and sabotages herself intentionally I don't know.

I had the honor of watching her and one of her girlfriends light a gas grill once.... they both were lucky to escape with their eyebrows in tact... So for the safety of all involved, if a grill or fire is involved I am the one cooking the main course.


25 posted on 07/21/2006 6:14:09 AM PDT by HamiltonJay
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To: bmwcyle

26 posted on 07/21/2006 6:14:51 AM PDT by mewzilla (Property must be secured or liberty cannot exist. John Adams)
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To: mewzilla

You know how to cook.


27 posted on 07/21/2006 6:17:37 AM PDT by bmwcyle (Only stupid people would vote for McCain, Warner, Hagle, Snowe, Graham, or any RINO)
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To: FreedomPoster

It's been over 90 deg. here for several days.
To ease the air conditioner burden in the house, I've done much of the cooking on the gas grill.
With a little experimenting it makes a good oven.

Haven't tried a cake yet though. :)


28 posted on 07/21/2006 6:18:07 AM PDT by Vinnie
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To: Crawdad
......"Otrah"........

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

I hadn't thought of THAT movie in years!

29 posted on 07/21/2006 6:19:18 AM PDT by DoctorMichael (A wall first. A wall now.)
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To: CT-Freeper

I never understood the point of gas grills - it's like cooking on the kitchen stove. Charcoal grills are where it's at - I love pouring gallons of lighter fluid on the briquets,touching the lighter to them, and WHOOMPH - flames shooting ten feet into the air. I know that's manly because my son and I love to watch this and my wife and daughter stand well away worrying that I'm going to blow myself up!


30 posted on 07/21/2006 6:21:49 AM PDT by rockprof
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To: Mathews

Awww yeah! It's all about the smoke!

Did my first-ever brisket on July 4th. Started at 3:00AM, done at NOON. Seriously good eats!

For those NOT in the know...it's like a 5 lb slab of beef jerky, except it's tender and juicy!

You ain't all man if that there don't speak to you in places in your head you don't tell no one about :-)


31 posted on 07/21/2006 6:22:59 AM PDT by RedRightReturn (Even a broken clock is right twice a day...)
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To: rockprof

I never understood the point of gas grills - it's like cooking on the kitchen stove. Charcoal grills are where it's at - I love pouring gallons of lighter fluid on the briquets,touching the lighter to them, and WHOOMPH - flames shooting ten feet into the air. I know that's manly because my son and I love to watch this and my wife and daughter stand well away worrying that I'm going to blow myself up!

----

Back in the day, my old man used gaosline on the charcoal. Talk about a fire.


32 posted on 07/21/2006 6:23:33 AM PDT by FearlessFreep (Excuse me. But are those your legs or are you riding a chicken?)
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To: Sax

That's the BEST description of a FOON BALL I've heard in years.

You Navy vets in here know what I mean.


33 posted on 07/21/2006 6:25:37 AM PDT by RedRightReturn (Even a broken clock is right twice a day...)
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To: Sax

My neighbor once asked me to light up her gas grill. A freind of hers just blew one up and she was scared to light it. I went into my house to get some matches and stopped at my small stash of M-80's. I lit the M-80 and tossed it on the ground, as I leaned over the grill pretending to light it, she came out on her deck. I've got my head down over the grill and BOOOOOM! I grab my face and start screaming.

They were good neighbors, I wonder why they moved?


34 posted on 07/21/2006 6:28:59 AM PDT by cyclotic (Support MS research-Sponsor my Ride-https://www.nationalmssociety.org//MIG/personal/default.asp?pa=4)
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To: svcw
"There is no way you can get a good slow smoked pulled pork on gas."

I use mine mainly for BBQ and smoking. I've never owned a gas grill but I thought with gas it would be easier to control the temperature.

Once, I even made something resembling BBQ in an indoor oven turned down real low. It had everything except the smoke. Some guests liked it better because it wasn't smoked.
35 posted on 07/21/2006 6:30:00 AM PDT by varyouga (I no longer fear death. I only fear the day when the DUmmies take over.)
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To: cyclotic

Dude, what the hell is wrong with you!!!

LOL


36 posted on 07/21/2006 6:31:30 AM PDT by RedRightReturn (Even a broken clock is right twice a day...)
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To: RedRightReturn

A slight case of total insanity?


37 posted on 07/21/2006 6:32:53 AM PDT by cyclotic (Support MS research-Sponsor my Ride-https://www.nationalmssociety.org//MIG/personal/default.asp?pa=4)
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To: svcw

Sure you can. I smoke pork on my gas grill all the time. You just use indirect heat and have some hickory chips in a tray smoking. Takes about 7-8 hours. Granted nothing beats charcoal but you can do pretty good with gas if you know your stuff.


38 posted on 07/21/2006 6:32:58 AM PDT by statered ("And you know what I mean.")
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To: CT-Freeper; yoe; Yaelle; writer33; Dysart; tnlibertarian; Squantos; speedy; SlowBoat407; ...

We might take a grilling on this thread. But weber or not you agree with it, you must admit, it does get to the meat of the matter.


39 posted on 07/21/2006 6:33:11 AM PDT by Rennes Templar ("The future ain't what it used to be".........Yogi Berra)
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To: rockprof
"I never understood the point of gas grills - it's like cooking on the kitchen stove."

I don't own a gas grill but I can tell you it's better than cooking on a stove. It's pretty hard to make a good simple burger using a regular stove.
40 posted on 07/21/2006 6:34:13 AM PDT by varyouga (I no longer fear death. I only fear the day when the DUmmies take over.)
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To: Vinnie

I am an oddball, I have always felt electricity to be more he-man stuff than fire, because fire usually can't kill you with a touch.


41 posted on 07/21/2006 6:34:49 AM PDT by HiTech RedNeck
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To: cyclotic

Ha! I was chopping onions for simmering hotdogs in beer around noon on a saturday, something exciting just appeared on the tv so I looked up and sliced my finger - not really bad, but good enough that there was blood running freely. My teenager and his buddy were on the sofa, so I said I cut off the tip of my thumb as I held up my bloody hand. Then I sliced the tip of a hotdog, smeared it with the blood and threw it at them.

It landed in one of their laps and they just froze, motionless. Another good laugh for the old man.


42 posted on 07/21/2006 6:35:04 AM PDT by Sax
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To: Rennes Templar

Just keep it clean, please; no obscene or propane puns, though rare, will be tolerated and violators will be skewered.


43 posted on 07/21/2006 6:35:18 AM PDT by hispanarepublicana (Don't fall for the soft bigotry of assuming all Hispanics are pro-amnesty. www.dontspeakforme.org)
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To: CT-Freeper

I'm a charcoal grill guy myself. I grill almost year round. I was out on the deck with a winter coat on in february, grilling up a storm. I love grilling, chilling out on the deck. It's nirvana. Gas grills? I guess it's convenient, but I like my charcoal smoker/grill.


44 posted on 07/21/2006 6:35:26 AM PDT by Huck (George Allen--the GOP version of Al Gore.)
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To: HamiltonJay

OTOH, at the Wouldnt household, I, the wifey, had no choice but to take to the grill. Mr. Wouldnt's work hours got him home late and there was always some chore, such as mowing the huge yard, that had to be done.

If we waited for Mr. Wouldnt to have time to grill, we'd be eating boiled hotdogs for months on end.

Not acceptable. So I finally got up the courage to approach the fire (after DH, of course, started the grill and assured me it was okay to go near it). Over time, he would mow and I would grill.

Now no one can get me away from the thing. I finally learned how to turn it on myself and began grilling any and everything that can be grilled. DH is glad to sit down to a nice grillteller on the deck after a long day's office work followed by a couple hours of manual labor. I even let him eat while he's still sweaty and dirty, if he wants to. :-)


45 posted on 07/21/2006 6:36:02 AM PDT by wouldntbprudent (If you can: Contribute more (babies) to the next generation of God-fearing American Patriots!)
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To: varyouga
I slow cook my burgers on my Weber. Usually for about 30 minutes. They are so juicy and delicious. My kids named me the Burgermeister Meisterburger.
46 posted on 07/21/2006 6:36:20 AM PDT by FearlessFreep (Excuse me. But are those your legs or are you riding a chicken?)
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To: cyclotic
I'd do that only if my neighbors were libs.
47 posted on 07/21/2006 6:36:39 AM PDT by varyouga (I no longer fear death. I only fear the day when the DUmmies take over.)
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To: CT-Freeper

It does figure that in Connecticutt, gas grills are considered manly.


48 posted on 07/21/2006 6:36:46 AM PDT by Huck (George Allen--the GOP version of Al Gore.)
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To: FearlessFreep

I like to put a half filled capped plastic bottle of gasoline in the fire to really get things going.

Who needs fireworks!


49 posted on 07/21/2006 6:38:21 AM PDT by freedomlover (This tagline has been pulled - - - - OK?)
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To: Sax; cyclotic

Sax, you ain't right neither! Where do you guys think up this sh!t????

But it's damn funny though!


50 posted on 07/21/2006 6:38:24 AM PDT by RedRightReturn (Even a broken clock is right twice a day...)
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