Posted on 10/27/2006 11:31:40 AM PDT by gobucks
Recently, my wife gave birth to our daughter. We used the Bradley Method: natural childbirth, no meds, no epidural, no pitocin. In a way, childbirth is like flying....
On a recent thread, I gave a brief birth story, designed to encourage other parents considering Bradley. But here, my aim is simple: a few words to convict the hearts of cowardly men who are unwilling to help their wives, and instead, weakly lean on medications to get them through the 'trauma' of childbirth. Yes, guys, exclusively, are the source of the epidural problem.
One could argue on and on that a woman is the one who has to bear the pain, the agony, of the contractions. That for men to even discuss this subject is silly at best, arrogantly patriarchal and insensitive in the worse direction.
But hear me: for a man to back down from the reality of the childbirth he initated is folly. Epidurals, pain meds, drugs, laughing gas ... whatever. Most of these 'interventions' are designed to perfectly numb the transformative experience childbirth is supposed to be. On the surface, of course, the doctors and hospitals want to minimize the 'pain' of childbirth - which they think will maximize the 'joy'.
But the truth is plainer. While the pain is muted, yes, the joy is muted far more. True, the child to mother bonding experience doesn't depend too much upon how many meds are involved.
But, Natural childbirth is about bonding, not just child to mother, but father to child and, more importantly, husband to wife (as the norm). Eagerly sought out epidural-childbirth, however, is a message from the Father to his family: "I don't have what it takes for the childbirth, and chances are good that pattern will remain henceforth regarding fatherhood and husbandry".
Natural childbirth is hard to pull off without the Dad being there, being supportive, being strong. And the fact is clear that if the Dad starts out in a mode of being supportive to the extent required by the Bradley method, then by implication, the coming years will show a Dad whose manhood supports a degree of Fathering that is beyond effective written description, to say nothing of the husbandry!
Of course, some Mothers reading this would argue that cutting out Dad is the idea all along, and a darn good idea. But these words are not for them...
These words are for those few guys out there who suspect deep in their hearts that there has got to be something more to living besides serial guy-driven exploits....
There is more to life than making 'mom' happy, indeed. Guys, another way to say this is: God didn't create you to be a life-support-system for a sperm donation machine, that coincidentally also brings home a paycheck. Husbandry is a noble calling, and stuffing your ears to avoid the calls is what boys, by default, do.
Stand up, and be MEN, you boys encased in the bodies of MEN. Stand up, unstuff your ears, and be the man your children can look up to.
One could argue that Epidural Nation, which is known as the USA, and the door mat that was once known as the WTC towers, have no connection to each other. But the men who flew those planes had no fear of us - and why not?
The kind of Men who fear the pain of helping their wives through the pain of childbirth are the kind of American Guys the hijackers evaluated as they planned their way to 9-11. The American Guys who, as a rule, were not, and still are not, man enough to inflict the kind of pain that SHOULD HAVE deterred the WTC attacks from the start. The kind of guys, for example, who empathize deeply with the 'struggles' guys like Bill Clinton endure.
For me, this has been the nagging question all along: what did those supposedly crazy men in the planes perceive was missing in the average heart of the "American Man"?
What did they witness that was missing such that these Arabic men had no fear of us, no fear for their homelands, no fear for their families, and felt free, felt bold enough, to attack us, the strongest nation the world has ever seen?
In short, just WHERE is the starting point for an 'American Man'? Why, the the birthing rooms of our nation of course - and who, I ask, is missing from these rooms?
American MEN are missing.
Good, loving, supportive guys are now present in the millions .... but they are chicken-hearted, and lazy, eager to get back to their dens, Lazy Boys, and remote controls. It is, indeed, football season, and Tressel's men are doing a great job.
But the football watchers? Those guys are setting a bad example, and they are making us more vulnerable, not less, to the attacks we have seen up to now.
The Epidurals are not the problem - the guys who lean on them are the problem. Men are the solution.
Stand up Men - and enter the birthing room as a man. Our Future Men depend on it.
What an unadulterated, hippydippy load of quatsch.
nonsense.
Ah, you have experienced fully natural childbirth, yes?
I guess you adhere to the "this will hurt me more than it hurts you" philosophy? Such stoicism you demonstrate by denying pain relief for your wife!
Let's point something out: You haven't.
"The kind of Men who fear the pain of helping their wives through the pain of childbirth are the kind of American Guys the hijackers evaluated as they planned their way to 9-11."
Quoted for utter psychoticism.
The issue can be construed that I promote denying 'pain relief'.
Wrong: I promote courage formation in the hearts of men - by them standing by their wives and helping them give birth naturally. It is not that I accuse women of wanting to avoid pain: that makes sense. It is how guys surrender their duty to pills and needles and let their wives bring their children into this world largely by themselves.
That is the nonsense I refer to....
dude...put down the pipe and slowly back away
I did, I was there, and it was something we experienced together.
As it was DESIGNED to be experienced in my view.
Bwahahahahaha!!! I praise the doctor who took away my "joy".
You don't think it's possible we might combine the two and have supportive men plus painkillers?
Perhaps we could hammer out a compromise in which women obtain pain relief and the men demonstrate how tough they are by having red-hot needles rammed under their nails while their wife gives birth?
Your nociceptors really weren't firing as much as your wife's. You did not experience it.
LOL, of course, I recognize the winds blow hard in a contrary direction ... but, hey, someone has to stand and point out the obvious.
oh...i'm sure someone will show up and point it out to you
The day a man can squirt a watermelon out through his penis...I will be more than happy to listen to his opinion on epidurals.
No offense. :o)
MM
I did without an epidural for medical reasons. I wish I could have done without pitocin, but it was required for all four of my babies. I do think more women could have unmedicated births, but that's a personal and a medical decision that is going to differ from woman to woman. No woman should feel guilty or inadequate because some birth plan didn't work for them. A healthy baby should be the goal -- not the use or nonuse of pain meds. My hubby was present at all four births. I squeezed his hand so tightly, he still hasn't regained full feeling in his hands. :-)
My wife has had two epidurals and I was in the room assisting both of those deliveries.
I don't care a flying fig for your crunchy granola "natural" childbirth.
I am saying that if you think my wife or I felt any less joy for the birth of our little ones because she had epidurals, then you are a stupid assclown.
rofl
BURN!!
As a mom who has given birth both naturally (no pain control) and with an epidural, I would suggest the epidural every time. I was able to relax more and enjoy the birth, rather than endure an incredible amount of agony.
Drug me!
"No woman should feel guilty or inadequate because some birth plan didn't work for them".
I couldn't agree more: but there are more than a few guys out there who 'went along' with the idea of a birth plan, but then failed to prepare for what actually occurred. It is solely to them, and men like them, these words are directed.
(lol, btw, my hands are still kinda of sore! Of course, they are not as sore as some parts of Mrs. Gb....but we don't pay much attention to all that, given the joy we are enjoying w/ little miss gb).
"What an unadulterated, hippydippy load of quatsch."
LOL. You are right. The dad can be there "participating" his little heart out, but that isn't going to make it stop hurting. I had my first four children the "natural" way. When I had my fifth, the doctor gave me an epidural. What a relief. I said, "Why did people work so hard at talking me out of this." The doctor said, "If you figure it out, let me know." Naturally, number six was accompanied by an epidural. I love the last two every bit as much as the first four, and our relationship is just as good.
But I'm happy for gobucks and his transcendent experience. I just think it could have been just as transcendent with less pain.
a bad tooth and a new child should not be equivalized...
heres a helpfull parenting tip,when baby naps you and mama nap too. It will cut down on posts like this.
Congrats.
I would apply that same comment to the entire contents of the post.
"No apple pie for you, GoBucks!"
For the woman, I would argue always it is easier, of course, to get an epi. But it is men, the lack of men that is, that concerns me. Where does this lack begin???? That is all I am focused on...; and a willingness of him to go down that road w/ her ... that lack of willingness that is ... that is what i am saying is the problem...
Of course, I'm not a moron who believes those fathers who were not present have any less joy in being fathers.
I just think a man should stick with his wife in that situation.
lol!
She screems like a Ferarri...
Is this guy for real? Yeah, I'll show this one to my wife. She'll probably make a deal... she'll deliver a baby naturally if all the while she gets to kick me in the nuts repeatedly.
I pity any man who tries to stand between a woman in labor and her meds.
There is a reason, gobucks, that epidurals are so popular...they work. Pain is not our friend...the anesthesiologist is. I know...mother of five. Largest baby, TEN POUNDS!!! I'll spare the details, but if I were a man, I would have been on ESPN's SportCenter for that one.
Hmmmm,
like the folks who believe that the pain a woman suffers in childbirth is the punishment of Eve.... It's wrong to take away the pain because, well...women are supposed to suffer!!!
Oh, yeah...
and you haven't been through the pain of childbirth. Only your wife.
Didn't you say once that your wife gets really argumentative when you have too many of those? Or am I thinking of Gin instead?
Anywah, our son had apparently done acrobatics in the womb, and tangled the umbilical cord. So my wife had to have a C-section... Oh, and they numbed her up first.
Toss in kidney stones, hangnail removal, lasix, laporoscopic procedures, stitches, broken bones and bee stings etc.
Oh, and no aspirin, tylenol, aleive for headaches, muscle sprains, etc.
Pain is our friend!
Holy smokes.. TEN POUNDS??? God Bless you. Mine were both around 8 pounds and that was more than big enough for me.
MM
All I ask is that you stop writing these childbirth without drugs is wonderful articles and have MRS. Gobucks put her words on paper.
Even better, let her do it when you aren't around and post it without you reading it first.
I'm willing to bet my Grannies chamber pot that while she goes along with it, some things aren't as blissful as you make out.
I salute you. :-)
My wife had our second all natural about six months ago. No issues.
57 minutes of labor, I delivered the baby and was part of the experience; she was fine and walking around two hours later.
Had we followed the 'directives' of the medical establishment, I would have watched, my wife would have been miserable, and it surely would have taken longer with a higher probability of a C-section.
Labor and delivery is big money in America.
Good luck!
I have a co-worker who had 3, all in the 9 to 10 pound range.
Even with an epi at the end of each delivery, she refused to go for #4.
Hats off too you dear!
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