Butts Charged With Stealing Toilet Paper

AP via SFGate ^ | 6/11/7

[SmithL]

Marshalltown, Iowa (AP) -- Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison.

"She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face."

Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said.

Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, . . .

[Clam Digger]

That stinks.

[discostu]

I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there.

[Clam Digger]

If she only followed Sheryl Crow’s advice.

[SIDENET]

Walker did not know why Butts was at the courthouse, but said that she did not work there.

I'm thinking that maybe she was there for the toilet paper?

Just a guess.

[JerriBlank]

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

[stuartcr]

3 yrs for stealing toilet paper??!!

[JerriBlank]

“3 yrs for stealing toilet paper??!!”

That’s 3 years of more free TP.

[andy58-in-nh]

If they do put her in prison, at least she’ll be assured of getting her three squares a day.

[SIDENET]

In jail, there is free toilet paper.

[JerriBlank]

Marshall County to Butts: “Not a square to spare”

[rednesss]

"3 yrs for stealing toilet paper??!!"

Yeah at a cost of $40,000 a year. Yeah I'm thinking 3 rolls of toilet paper is worth $120,000. I'm sure the taxpayers won't mind the increase. What happened to common sense????

[Lucky9teen]

She was on a roll....

[NRA1995]

Her name was Bertha.....Bertha Butts.....she was one of the Butts Sisters.....

[kenth]

3 yrs for stealing toilet paper??!!

---

Come on... it was 2-ply.

[BigFinn]

No wonder the courts are ‘clogged’ ... give her a ticket or probation... sheesh.

[the OlLine Rebel]

“roll on the floor” laughing...

[Charles Henrickson]

She’s got tissues.

[Red in Blue PA]

Love the chiefs response: "She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face." Imagine the judge and jury on this one.

[Gideon Reader]

Has a brother named Seymour,.....?

[Charles Henrickson]

At least she won’t get off Scott-free.

[andy58-in-nh]

What happened to common sense????

It's gone to the same place as those rolls of tissue.

[JoeSixPack1]

The Jimmy Castor Bunch thanks you. :-)

[relictele]

The irony of it all is that she was at the courthouse to get her name legally changed to Suzanne Marie.

[JamesP81]

Sometimes, life tells the jokes for us.

[martin_fierro]

Caught red-handed.

[Charles Henrickson]

This will go on her cra . . . her rap sheet.

[Froufrou]

I’m thinking: odds are she has a rock and scissor stash somewhere, too ;p

[Constitution Day]

Suzanne Marie Butts:

I don't like Miz Butts. And I'm not lying, either.

[No Blue States]

LOL

[Daffynition]

[gov_bean_ counter]

Ahh come on. Just let her go. Why not turn the other cheek?

[JRios1968]

Guilty!!!!

[Constitution Day]

Oh, so guilty. Put her under the jail!

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

I wonder what her husband Harry thinks of all this?

[Nihil Obstat]

what an ass

[SlowBoat407]

Crack addict?

Pls dont stealz the charminz

[Constitution Day]

Probably about to crack under all the pressure.

[Ditter]

Actually that’s her father Dr Seymour Butts, she has a sister named Rosie and a brother named Harry, as I recall from elementary school.;9)

[Roscoe Karns]

This thread kicks Butts!

[mikrofon]

Wasn’t this an episode from that courtroom drama- “The Paper Chase”?

[mikrofon]

If she ends up jumping bail they’ll have to send a Bounty hunter out after her...

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

Maybe if she makes a deal with the prosecutors they’ll agree to wipe her record clean after passage of some amount of time.

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

Girlfriend should lay off the Burrito Supremes for any number of reasons.

[Charles Henrickson]

SUZANNE

Suzanne takes you down to her place with indoor plumbing
You can hear the Butts go by
You can spend the night expelling
‘Cause you know that she’s got two-ply
And that’s why you want to be there
And she gives you toilet paper
That comes marked “For Marshall County”
And just when you mean to ask her
That you wonder how she got it
Then she gets you on her toilet
And she lets the paper answer
That you really want to use more
And you don’t care how she got it
And you don’t care if she’s fined
And you know that she will get more
For you’ve touched her toilet paper to your behind.

[Roscoe Karns]

I don’t know how you do it. That was darn good! Funny!

[Charles Henrickson]

Butts Charged

[Daffynition]

Butts waiting for her trial.

[Roscoe Karns]

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]