Posted on 12/12/2007 4:58:12 AM PST by redstates4ever
"Democratic presidential hopeful, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., right, is introduced by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, left, before her talk with billionaire investor Warren Buffett, at a campaign stop in San Francisco, Tuesday, Dec. 11, 2007."
"Billionaire investor Warren Buffett takes part in a fundraiser for Democratic presidential candidate, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., in San Francisco, Calif., Tuesday, Dec. 11, 2007. Buffett, who has said he would be happy with either Clinton or Sen. Barack Obama as the next president, already helped Clinton raise at least $1 million during a June event in New York. "
Red Rodham lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist.
She also knew that the heavy-handed regulations she believed in meant a loss of jobs for many hard-working Americans. But, smug in her knowledge that her net worth had grown to $39 million in just 15 years, she knew she had nothing to worry about.
Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this was the impression conveyed.
One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit, mineral water and a load of healthcare forms to her grandmother’s house.
“But mother, won’t this be stealing work from the unionized people who have struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages between various people in the woods?”
Red Rodham’s mother assured her that she had called the union boss and gotten a special compassionate mission exemption form.
“But mother, aren’t you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?”
Red Rodham’s mother pointed out that it was impossible for womyn to oppress each other, since all womyn were equally oppressed until all womyn were free.
“But mother, then shouldn’t you have my brother carry the basket, since he’s an oppressor, and should learn what it’s like to be oppressed?”
And Red Rodham’s mother explained that her brother was attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides, this wasn’t stereotypical womyn’s work, but an empowering deed that would help engender a feeling of community.
“But won’t I be oppressing Grandma, by implying that she’s sick and hence unable to independently further her own selfhood?”
But Red Rodham’s mother explained that her grandmother wasn’t actually sick or incapacitated or mentally handicapped in any way, although that was not to imply that any of these conditions were inferior to what some people called “health”.
Thus, Red Rodham felt that she could get behind the idea of delivering the basket to her grandmother, and so she set off.
Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place, but Red Rodham knew that this was an irrational fear based on cultural paradigms instilled by a patriarchal society that regarded the natural world as an exploitable resource, and hence believed that natural predators were in fact intolerable competitors.
Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and deviants, but Red Rodham felt that in a truly classless society all marginalized peoples would be able to “come out” of the woods and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models.
On her way to Grandma’s house, Red Rodham passed a woodchopper, who preferred to be called Warren, the Sugar Daddy. She wandered off the path in order to examine some flowers.
Before long, she was startled to find herself standing before Wolf, The Blitzer, who asked her softball questions like "What is in the basket?"
Red Rodham’s teacher had warned her never to talk to strangers, but she was confident in taking control of her own counter-culture sexuality, and chose to dialogue with Wolf. Besides, she already knew what questions he would ask.. There were many plants in this forest.
She replied, “I am taking my Grandmother some healthful snacks in a gesture of solidarity.”
Wolf said, “You know, my dear, it isn’t safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone.”
Remembering that her best defense was to become offensive, in a bit of jujitsu Red Rodham parried, “I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop an alternative and yet entirely valid worldview. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way.”
Red Rodham returned to the main path, and proceeded towards her Grandmother’s house.
But because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma’s house.
He burst into the house and ate Grandma, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator.
Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandma’s nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.
Red Rodham entered the cottage and said,
“Grandma, I have brought you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of wise and nurturing matriarch.”
Wolf said softly “Come closer, child, so that I might see you.”
Red Rodham said, “Goodness! Grandma, what big eyes you have!”
“You forget that I am optically challenged.”
“And Grandma, what an enormous, er, I mean, what a fine nose you have.”
“Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I didn’t give in to such societal pressures, my child.”
“And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!”
Wolf could not take any more of these specieist slurs, and, in a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Rodham, and opened his jaws so wide that she could see her poor Grandmother cowering in his belly.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Red Rodham bravely shouted. “You must request my permission before proceeding to a new level of intimacy!”
Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on her.
At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an ax.
“Hands off!” cried the woodchopper.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” cried Little Red Rodham. “If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of confidence in my own abilities, which would lead to poor self-esteem and lower achievement scores on college entrance exams.”
“Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species! This is an FBI sting!” screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Rodham nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off her head.
“Thank goodness you got here in time,” said Wolf. “The brat and her grandmother lured me in here. I thought I was a goner.”
“No, I think I’m the real victim, here,” said the woodchopper. “I’ve been dealing with my anger ever since I saw her picking those protected flowers earlier. And now I’m going to have such a trauma. Do you have any aspirin?”
“Sure,” said Wolf.
“Thanks.”
“I feel your pain,” said Wolf, and he patted the woodchopper on his firm, well padded back, gave a little belch, and said “Do you have any Maalox?”
“No problemo," said the woodchopper, "but you'll have to fill out this carbon offset gift certicate to Al Gore for your belching and farting."
.
(Oops missed post #3. Late to the game.)
She’s wearing a Chinese style blouse while raising funds. Hello?
LITTLE RED RODHAM ... Excellent!!!
Is this yours?
Where DOES she find these freakin’ ugly ass Mao Shirts?
I was under the impression that DUmmies despised the likes of the Buffets and the corporate billionaires in general. How will they react to TheBeast sucking up to Buffett?
How would they react to Thompson doing the same thing?
“...and the money kept rolling in...”
Really.
I have an area rug with that exact same pattern....
Best story of the year, by far.
"MY! What big TEETH you have, Grandma!"
They call Hillary a Republican now:
DUmmie FUnnies 12-12-07 ("Derek Shearer's Lips Meet Hillary's Bottom")
"Don't vote for Hillary. She's a Republican. "
.
How cute nice Christmas present for Looter guy LOL!
Hillary can be nice for in rare times LOL!
OMG Barney got kidnap by Hillary
Where Secret Service LOL!
Pigs aplenty at the Marxist’s rally. She has her Red China garb on also.
Probably dodging flying ashtrays.
She has a closet full of ‘em, in every ugly color and texture imaginable.
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