Posted on 12/14/2007 7:20:53 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Howdy
Official Friday Silliness Thread
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Yea!!!
SWEET STORY
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” she asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?
Melissa’s father thinks a bit, and then says “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”
“Osama Bin Laden,” she says
“Why Osama Bin Laden,” her father asks in shock.
“Well,” she says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”
Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride.
“Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I know,” Melissa says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him.”
You might be a redneck pilot if:
—your stall warning horn plays “Dixie.”
—your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.
—you think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
—you’ve ever used moonshine as gas.
—your wheel pants have mud flaps.
—those mud flaps sport a chrome silhouette of a reclining nude.
—you think GPS stands for “Going Perfectly Straight.”
—your toothpick keeps poking your boom mike.
—you constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
—you use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.
—you fuel your Cessna from a Mason jar.
—you wouldn’t be caught dead flyin’ a Grumman “Yankee.”
—you refer to flying in formation as “We got ourselves a convoy!”
—there is a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank service.
—the set of “matched luggage” you take on your long cross-country flights is three grocery sacks from the same Piggly Wiggly.
—you subscribe to The Southern Aviator because of the soft paper.
—just before impact, you are heard saying, “Hey y’all, watch this!”
Howdy!
I’m done!
Now i have to wrap all the stupid things.
Yarrrrgh!
We get the nieces, nephews and grandkids an annual U.S. Mint proof set every year until they turn 18.
Not too pricey (altho this year, with the Presidential dollar coins, they're up quite a bit), and should make nice keepsakes.
- Your pre-flight checks include opening a box of Copenhagen
Eweeeewwwww!!!
Completely finished several months ago. I made a trip to Ireland in September and bought everyone’s gift there. Mailed everything this week.
Ho, Ho, Ho
You are one twisted pup, Lucky!
....or not
Teddy Books are very "In" this year.
We're in the office working by generators, candles and flashlights, but we're working!
Open the Barn Door???
Is that for for real?
LOLOLOL
If it is indeed Bubba’s book, then let me guess....
The poor cow is bent.
LOLOLOLOlololol
Have you ever heard that a dog "knows" when an earthquake is about to hit?
Have you ever heard that a dog can "sense" when a tornado is stirring up, even twenty miles away?
Do you remember hearing that, before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?
I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially dogs have keen insights into the Truth.
And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.
Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't right.....when impending doom is upon us . .
Mastercard Wedding
You got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride’s and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having s~ex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests’ reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, “—— you!” Then he turned to his bride and said, “—— you!” Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “I’m outta here.”
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge—making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a Master Card “priceless” commercial out of this?
Elegant! wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui: $8,500.
The look on everyone’s face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless
There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MASTERCARD!
Got your stand-by tee-squares & triangles out of moth balls???...LOL!
Check out the Global Warming Nazis response to this book.
Carols for the Mentally Disturbed
1. Schizophrenia -— Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder -— We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia -— I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic -— Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic -— Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
6. Paranoid -— Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder -— Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder -— You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder -— Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -— Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bell s, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...
ROFLMAO!!! That did it!
Ya forgot a few.....
If the traffic on the other side of the freeway/tollway from the accident is backed up farther than the side with an accident, you live in Chicago.
If you slow down or stop to look at the car wreck on the other side of the road, you live in Chicago.
If you forget that a 4WD vehicle does not allow you to drive 75 mph on an ice covered road, you live in Chicago.
Jokes...
-Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle on different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose, but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase full of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house, and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos says to Jose, ‘I work just as long and hard as you do, but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?’ Jose says, ‘Look at your sign, what does it say?’ Carlos’ sign reads: ‘I have no work, a wife, and 6 kids to support.’ Jose says, ‘No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars.’ Carlos says, ‘So what does your sign say?’ Jose shows Carlos his sign....it reads: ‘I only need another $10 to move back to Mexico.’
-A Japanese doctor says, ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks.’
A German doctor says, ‘That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks.’ A British doctor says, ‘In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks.’ The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, ‘You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, put her in the White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work.’
-On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States, Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. During that meeting he asked her, ‘How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?’
‘That’s easy,’ the Queen replied, ‘You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors.’
‘But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?’ asked Bill.
‘You ask them a riddle,’ she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, ‘Would you please send Tony Blair in.’ When Blair arrived, the Queen said, ‘I have a riddle for you to answer for me.’
‘Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?’ Blair replied, ‘That’s easy. The child was me.’ ‘Very good,’ said the Queen. ‘You may go now.’
Sizing up his wife’s chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary. He said to her, ‘ I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. ‘Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was that child?’
Hillary replied, ‘Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?’ ‘Yes,’ said Bill, ‘I’ll give you four hours to come up with the answer.’
So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband. As Hillary was leaving her meeting, she ran into Barack Obama.
So she said, ‘Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?’ ‘That’s seems pretty easy,’ said Obama, ‘I think the child would be me.’
‘Oh thank you!’ said Hillary. ‘You may just have ensured my nomination for the Democratic candidate for the presidency of the United States!’ So Hillary went back to Bill and said, ‘I think I know the answer to your riddle.’
‘The child was Barack Obama!’
‘No, you dummy!’ shouted Bill. ‘The child was Tony Blair!’
I’m done w/ my Christmas shopping. Whoo Hoo!
Yep, only us old guys are working.
Hey, looks yummy! Hot food, what a nice concept.
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