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Pass the gas and don't be embarrassed
The Ottawa Sun ^ | Sat, December 29, 2007 | Staff

Posted on 12/29/2007 7:46:21 AM PST by fanfan

TORONTO -- So you think your husband's a little too adept at playing the colonic calliope? Wish your sleep wasn't interrupted by a fusillade of flatulence?

Well, if you think you've taken up residence in Beantown but he insists his output is normal, you can both take heart that debates like yours are raging all over.

You both should know this as well: Whether it takes the form of stealth bombers or noisy bottom burps, flatulence is a normal byproduct of the human body. Everybody farts, multiple times throughout the day and night.

But the whens and the hows can turn a basic bodily function into an inconvenient, unpleasant or downright embarrassing occurrence. And that leads some people to question what is normal and whether there is any way to turn down the tap, as it were, on the frequency, noise or odour quotients.

The fact of the matter is that while humankind has learned how to split the atom, manipulate genes and travel to the moon, it doesn't know all that much about how to reduce the production of natural gas. Click here to find out more!

"I know a lot about gas," says Dr. Michael Levitt, the American gastroenterologist who has unravelled much of what is known about human flatulence.

Levitt is a veritable gas guru, a leading expert on the underappreciated field of flatus -- intestinal gas that escapes via the southern route.

Levitt has gone to extraordinary lengths to explore the mysteries of flatulence. He has captured farts in specially made Mylar pantaloons, measured the cocktail of gases they contain, even conducted a study devised to get to the bottom of what might be the most contentious question in the field: Which gender emits the smelliest farts?

So what have he and others learned about the fine art of flatulating?

It's a pretty common occurrence. Studies in which volunteers tracked their gas passage suggest people fart 10 to 20 times a day, with some hitting the 30, 40, even 50 mark, says Levitt, who is with the VA Medical Center in Minneapolis, Minn.

An Australian study that followed a group of men and women for a couple of months concluded men let rip on average 10 times a day, while women lag with eight emissions.

But producing less gas might create another problem for women -- and the people around them. Levitt's research suggests women's flatulence is more ... aromatic.

The study was the first ever attempt to provide an objective evaluation of the odour of flatus, Levitt explains. Volunteer judges, blinded to the identity of the generating gender, were asked to rank the potency of the end product.

Volunteer producers -- primed by a diet of pinto beans -- farted into aluminum bags via a rectal tube. Syringes full of gas were withdrawn from the bags and wafted by the nostrils of the unfortunate judges.

---

TOOTING 101:

Factoids about farting:

- Blue angels: Only certain people have bacteria in the gastric systems that produce methane, Dr. Levitt says. And only methane-producers can perform the time-honoured frat house trick of igniting a blue flame when they hold a match to an escaping fart.

- Musical toots: In the 1800s Frenchman Joseph Pujol apparently became so adept at controlling his flatulence flow he could sound musical notes. Called "le Petomane" -- the fartiste -- he was reputedly the highest paid performer in France at his prime.

- Colonic explosions: In the early days of colonoscopies, attempts to burn off polyps in the colon ignited explosive hydrogen gas in the colon of several unlucky people, sometimes with tragic results. The colon-cleansing preparations people now take the night before a colonoscopy have solved the problem. Says Levitt: "Until they used these prep solutions, there was a problem with explosions."


TOPICS: Food; Health/Medicine; Humor; Science
KEYWORDS: flatulence
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1 posted on 12/29/2007 7:46:22 AM PST by fanfan
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To: fanfan

Finally.. some news I can use...


2 posted on 12/29/2007 7:48:53 AM PST by tje
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To: fanfan

Just what ever you do, don’t give beer to your dog. Yikes!


3 posted on 12/29/2007 7:49:45 AM PST by NonValueAdded (Fred Dalton Thompson for President)
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To: oldfart

Ping.


4 posted on 12/29/2007 7:53:26 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: fanfan
Somebody HAD to post it!
5 posted on 12/29/2007 7:56:43 AM PST by digger48
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To: NonValueAdded
“Just what ever you do, don’t give beer to your dog. Yikes!”

I’ve never given my dog beer. But I’ll put her up against any challenger in the toot Olympics. She is without equal. All others are just pretenders. Silent, noisy, melodic, operatic...you name it, she is a virtuoso. And odoriferous? There is no name for it.

6 posted on 12/29/2007 8:00:22 AM PST by ought-six
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To: Larry Lucido; Eaker; hiredhand; sit-rep; Tijeras_Slim

Educational ping......


7 posted on 12/29/2007 8:03:46 AM PST by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. )
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To: fanfan
To me this article is spoiled by the first sentence. I get so sick of wives being perfect and complaining about their husbands. On tv commercials the husband is always the idiot. How would it be if men were always spraying down their wives’ odors with room freshener or secretly sneaking her decaf instead of normal coffee for instance? Men should hate tv. They are usually dumb and no respect.
8 posted on 12/29/2007 8:09:01 AM PST by A knight without armor
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To: tje

Save gas—fart in a jar.


9 posted on 12/29/2007 8:11:21 AM PST by GOPologist (When you can't find a path through the wilderness, make a new path.)
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To: CougarGA7

You missed your calling.


10 posted on 12/29/2007 8:11:48 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim
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To: A knight without armor

Well, according to this article, men toot more, but smell less.

Sounds about right.


11 posted on 12/29/2007 8:11:49 AM PST by fanfan ("We don't start fights my friends, but we finish them, and never leave until our work is done."PMSH)
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To: fanfan

Thanks for “passing” this along...


12 posted on 12/29/2007 8:14:59 AM PST by mozarky2 (Ya never stand so tall as when ya stoop to stomp a statist!)
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To: ought-six
Silent, noisy, melodic, operatic...you name it, she is a virtuoso.

lol

13 posted on 12/29/2007 8:15:15 AM PST by Yardstick
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To: fanfan

Reminds me of the old George Carlin routine on farts - “the one that goes whoosh”


14 posted on 12/29/2007 8:17:26 AM PST by ConorMacNessa (HM/2 USN, 3rd Bn. 5th Marines, RVN 1969. St. Michael the Archangel defend us in battle!)
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To: fanfan

They need to study my brother-in-law because there’s some spawn of hell using his intestines as a workshop.


15 posted on 12/29/2007 8:20:44 AM PST by SeafoodGumbo
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To: fanfan
This is a serious subject..lets not get in the gutter with these comments.


16 posted on 12/29/2007 8:30:27 AM PST by woofie
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To: fanfan

Just the way the article is written. It starts off with the wives suffering from their husbands odor. I’m just saying that is so typical. It would be rather unusual to form that first sentence with asking the husband if they are offended by their wive’s gas.


17 posted on 12/29/2007 8:36:20 AM PST by A knight without armor
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To: mozarky2
Thanks for “passing” this along...

No problem.

Some of us have these really important jobs, here at FR. ;-)

18 posted on 12/29/2007 8:39:00 AM PST by fanfan ("We don't start fights my friends, but we finish them, and never leave until our work is done."PMSH)
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To: A knight without armor

Yes, I know.


19 posted on 12/29/2007 8:40:17 AM PST by fanfan ("We don't start fights my friends, but we finish them, and never leave until our work is done."PMSH)
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To: fanfan
Well, you are finally posting something of merit.

Signed,
A Blue Angel

20 posted on 12/29/2007 8:41:56 AM PST by Zuben Elgenubi
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To: Zuben Elgenubi

Right up your alley, I see.

;-)


21 posted on 12/29/2007 8:46:15 AM PST by fanfan ("We don't start fights my friends, but we finish them, and never leave until our work is done."PMSH)
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To: fanfan

“..You know, if you hadn’t said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses.”


22 posted on 12/29/2007 8:51:42 AM PST by ThomasThomas (An investigative journalist is one who uses spellcheck.)
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To: fanfan
College provided a means to ignite my many interests.

Pax, fanfan and Happy New Year to you and yours.

23 posted on 12/29/2007 8:51:48 AM PST by Zuben Elgenubi
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To: fanfan
I fart in A Capella.
24 posted on 12/29/2007 8:57:24 AM PST by azhenfud (The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.)
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To: fanfan
"I know a lot about gas," says Dr. Michael Levitt, the American gastroenterologist who has unravelled much of what is known about human flatulence.

There was once an NPR story about intestinal gas and their expert was a guy named Dr. Colin Leakey. That was a funny moment.
25 posted on 12/29/2007 8:59:24 AM PST by aruanan
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To: fanfan
Only certain people have bacteria in the gastric systems that produce methane, Dr. Levitt says. And only methane-producers can perform the time-honoured frat house trick of igniting a blue flame when they hold a match to an escaping fart.

I guarantee you that most people are those "certain people."
26 posted on 12/29/2007 9:00:51 AM PST by aruanan
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To: Zuben Elgenubi

Same to you.


27 posted on 12/29/2007 9:03:42 AM PST by fanfan ("We don't start fights my friends, but we finish them, and never leave until our work is done."PMSH)
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To: Squantos

The dog did it! :-)


28 posted on 12/29/2007 9:04:36 AM PST by hiredhand (My kitty disappeared. NOT the rifle!)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Not a “Light a Match” ping!


29 posted on 12/29/2007 9:05:51 AM PST by Grizzled Bear ("Does not play well with others.")
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To: wazoo1031; ErnBatavia; Lurkin Lurch

Ping!


30 posted on 12/29/2007 9:08:21 AM PST by Allegra (That midget hates it when I do that.)
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To: aruanan
I guarantee you that most people are those "certain people."

Sadly, I'm old enough to remember when talent was designated a Blue Angel, it was a very special thing.

31 posted on 12/29/2007 9:10:36 AM PST by Zuben Elgenubi
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To: Zuben Elgenubi
Sadly, I'm old enough to remember when talent was designated a Blue Angel, it was a very special thing.

The specialness must lie in those who actually try to do it. Everyone I've known who has tried has been able to ignite.
32 posted on 12/29/2007 9:13:19 AM PST by aruanan
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To: Allegra
Mighty fine catch there, Ms. Allegra!

Pfffft....

33 posted on 12/29/2007 9:51:33 AM PST by ErnBatavia (...forward this to your 10 very best friends....)
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To: ought-six

LOL We had a chessie for a long time. Whoever said you can’t smell when you’re asleep has never had a farting chessie!! I’m talking green and crawling, wake you from a dead sleep nasty.
The chessie is long gone. Now we have a long legged rat terrier. Every time she farts noisily, she turns around and sniffs her butt, looks at us accusingly, and moves to another couch or chair. By the 3rd or 4th time she does this, we’re in tears, laughing at her.


34 posted on 12/29/2007 9:51:46 AM PST by gardengirl
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To: ought-six

35 posted on 12/29/2007 9:53:36 AM PST by ErnBatavia (...forward this to your 10 very best friends....)
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To: gardengirl
Now we have a long legged rat terrier. Every time she farts noisily, she turns around and sniffs her butt, looks at us accusingly, and moves to another couch or chair. By the 3rd or 4th time she does this, we’re in tears, laughing at her.

ROFL!! You owe me a new keyboard.

That is HILARIOUS!

36 posted on 12/29/2007 9:54:00 AM PST by Allegra (That midget hates it when I do that.)
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To: fanfan
But producing less gas might create another problem for women -- and the people around them. Levitt's research suggests women's flatulence is more ... aromatic.

I KNEW it!

37 posted on 12/29/2007 9:54:46 AM PST by skeeter
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To: Allegra

Reading about it is not nearly as funny as seeing it! She has the body of a grayhound and is as flexible as a yoga instructor. I’ve seen her do this numerous times, and it gets funnier every time. She gets so upset. Deer meat seems to set her off the worst, so we try not to let her have any.
Sorry about the keyboard!


38 posted on 12/29/2007 9:59:53 AM PST by gardengirl
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To: skeeter

Payback is a B**** !


39 posted on 12/29/2007 10:00:00 AM PST by linn37 (phlebotomist on duty,its just a little pinch)
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To: Allegra; wazoo1031

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aA7hAFBRlZw


40 posted on 12/29/2007 10:23:59 AM PST by ErnBatavia (...forward this to your 10 very best friends....)
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To: Grizzled Bear; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ...
Jumping Jack Flash ping!


41 posted on 12/29/2007 10:28:54 AM PST by Slings and Arrows ("Bush is destroying the solar system:The ice caps on Mars are shrinking too." --Right_Wing_Madman)
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To: A knight without armor

You go to bed too early. Men in commercials are the smart ones later at night


42 posted on 12/29/2007 10:33:49 AM PST by Lady Jag (Fall seven times, stand up eight)
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To: ErnBatavia

I have that book. It’s cute and doesn’t have an aroma.


43 posted on 12/29/2007 10:34:47 AM PST by Lady Jag (Fall seven times, stand up eight)
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To: fanfan

44 posted on 12/29/2007 10:37:00 AM PST by Lady Jag (Fall seven times, stand up eight)
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To: Slings and Arrows

45 posted on 12/29/2007 10:38:40 AM PST by Lady Jag (Fall seven times, stand up eight)
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To: fanfan
...to the bottom of what might be the most contentious question in the field: Which gender emits the smelliest farts?

Puh-leaze, even a minimal amount of real-life experience gives one an answer to this question: Women - smellier, Men - louder.

46 posted on 12/29/2007 10:39:43 AM PST by Mr. Mojo
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To: Lady Jag

ROFL!!!


47 posted on 12/29/2007 10:40:22 AM PST by Allegra (That midget hates it when I do that.)
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To: ErnBatavia; wazoo1031
So...the hand farts waz and I were doing in England last summer were really causing a lot of global warming!
48 posted on 12/29/2007 10:42:02 AM PST by Allegra (That midget hates it when I do that.)
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To: Mr. Mojo

Unless the woman enjoys the fart. If she tries, she can be pretty loud.


49 posted on 12/29/2007 10:43:16 AM PST by Lady Jag (Fall seven times, stand up eight)
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To: fanfan
"time-honoured frat house trick of igniting a blue flame when they hold a match to an escaping fart."

Ahhhhh those good old college days.

50 posted on 12/29/2007 10:45:33 AM PST by Drango (A liberal's compassion is limited only by the size of someone else's wallet.)
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