Skip to comments.18 Things A Grown Man Should Never Have
Posted on 05/20/2008 9:37:30 PM PDT by Daffynition
1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.
3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.
4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.
5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.
6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.
7. An unstamped passport.
8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.
9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.
11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.
(Excerpt) Read more at men.msn.com ...
A man drawer.
A gun-less man drawer.
Yet, they are fun to read.
I disagree about item (1). When boys fight the loser ends up with a black eye. When men fight both parties get hurt. When men really fight it’s with weapons and it’s for keeps. That’s why it isn’t a good idea. Only a lazy and degenerate society needs to re-learn this lesson.
Yielding all territory ,real or imagined, to a single drawer, would leave one with very little to fight for at that point.
Idiotically glib lists from internet poofters.
Or a suit painted to match your furniture.
Sometimes they both, winner and loser, end up with a black eye. Nothing wrong with getting hit by a lucky shot.
Ha, you beat me to it. Exactly what I was thinking.
#5 is a must if you drink real beer.
Also, any man above 30 should avoid dressing as a typical 20-something.
Hey, I have a “man purse,” ie. a fanny pack. But I use it to carry my 9mm (have a CCW permit). Does that count?
...or, unless you're playing catch and your buddy puts a 95-MPH fastball through the web of your glove.
Plenty of acceptable Olympic sports -- alpine skiing, biathlon (shooting and cross country skiing), wrestling....to name but a few.
Food Stamps or a welfare check
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