Posted on 08/07/2009 1:07:48 PM PDT by OldDeckHand
Paramount was so worried the critics would hate G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra—and with good reason, it's awful—that they decided not to screen it for anybody. Just one problem: the first showing was at 12:01 a.m. on Friday, which means I have all night to tell you how bad it is. Bad. Bad. Bad. It's excruciatingly bad. Gigli bad. How bad are we talking? I chronicled my night:
11:40 p.m.: I arrive to the theater, a little sleepy and slightly giddy that the movie could be so bad that it's good. I ask the older couple on the escalator behind if they're here to see G.I. Joe. No! It's got to be bad, they say, because it wasn't even screened for the critics. They're here to see Meryl Streep as Julia Child.
12:01 a.m.: Showtime. Except not really. I was expecting crowds and G.I. toys and maybe even a few people chanting "All-American Hero" (yes, I was a G.I. Joe groupie back in the day). But the theater is half empty and a woman down the aisle from me is picking her nose.
12:09 a.m.: Trailers. First bad omen: the movies previewed before G.I. Joe include a very bad John Travolta movie and a very bad M. Night Shyamalan movie. Although, in retrospect, neither of them could possibly be as bad as G.I. Joe.
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Might be.
I’ll be taking the 10 year old to see GI Joe this weekend.
Hey, just the two of us, the big screen, a large very buttered popcorn, large drink to split (two straws) and twizzlers.
She watches the previews - “Me & sis movie” “Me and Grammy” “Me & Mommy” “That’s a Me & You movie, Daddy”.
The Director already said last week that this film isn’t for Republicans to watch...that it takes place in an Obama world.
He can keep this crap and shove it.
Nope, “Speed 2”, now there was two hours of my life I’ll never get back.
That was worse that Robot Jox?
That was worse that Robot Jox?
re: your tagline - “Ditto!”
Transformers 2 does, too. For those who care, in the new movie "G.I.Joe" is no longer an American military force but a NATO-like international team, where America is just one of the guiding players.
The home base for the movie's good guys is in Egypt. The chief bad guys are European. Just think about the political and religious implications behind that one detail.
I’ve seens parts of that, it’s a masterpiece compared to “Manos”. Manos may not even be a movie, just an abomination made to torture the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 guys.
Where is Ishtar on this list?
Every M. Night Shaboobadoo movie is bad. The guy is so over rated its not even funny. He completely sucks but he is still getting rich making crap.
I have seen 'Manos'....it is hilarious horror! LOL!
Speaking of MST3K......'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians' has to be my vote for worst of the worst on their platform....
Saw it this morning. It was alright. It isn’t the worst movie I ever seen. And as far as raping childhoods go, it is faaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr behind Transformers 2 and Terminator: Salvation just from this summer.
As far as it no longer being an explicitly American team, that is really only brought up twice, when the Joes first meet Duke and Ripcord and then when Gen. Hawk explains who they are. Of the ones we follow for most of the movie, Duke, Ripcord and Scarlett are all American. Heavy Duty is English and Breaker is Morroccan. Snake Eyes, of course, is indeterminate.
I couldn’t agree more, actually. I find his movies insufferable. I remember early on, some critics comparing M. Night’s movies to......HITCHCOCK! AGHGHH!
Always good to look at the bright side there.
It must be a matter of taste. I really enjoyed Signs and a few of his other movies. Unbreakable was only ok, and I never saw The Village.
Sixth Sense was overrated.
The absolute worst movie of all time is “Raymie” released July 5, 1960. It is the standard by which all movies can be rated. It serves the function of absolute zero. Anything above absolute zero demonstrates at least some movement. It was not even “camp!” “Raymie” gave meaning to the term death.
Is it worse than the First Street Fighter Movie?
I knew it was going to be bad in previews I have seen in trailers plus on tv, and the moment I had heard they had deviated from the Real American Hero plot of the Pro-American 80’s tunes.
I hope GI Joe is remade someday (but with a decidedly less cheesy and decidedly more American plot-line-NO I haven’t seen it, but from the reviews I have read).
I wouldn’t mind if GI JOE is even re invented minus the cartoon/sci fi plot and get back to the GI JOE of my father (The Real American Hero) which fought in WW II, Korea, and Vietnam!
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