Posted on 10/13/2009 10:08:06 AM PDT by Steelfish
October 13, 2009
Dear Tanya: Before She Died My Mother Told Me I Was Born As A Result Of Rape I'm not who I thought I was and I feel overwhelmed
Dear Tanya
Before my mother died from breast cancer two months ago she told me that I was born as a result of rape when she was 18.
I had always realised that she treated me differently from my sister and I can never remember her hugging me or telling me that she loved me, as she did my sister. Now I know why. Every time she looked at me, I must have reminded her of her ordeal.
She had always told me that she found out she was pregnant with me too late to have a termination and that she had considered having me adopted several times.
(Excerpt) Read more at women.timesonline.co.uk ...
What kind of woman blames the child for the actions of someone else? Is this “Tanya” any less human?
“Tanya” is just as much her mothers blood and chromosones than if she had another father.
Horrible!
The sad fact is: Rapists are a part of EVERY human’s genetic makeup, along with thieves and murderers.
It must be hard when it is your father, it brings to mind Bosnia and the wholesale rape that occured there to foster just this outcome.
Short answer to this letter ... get over yourself. You are who you CHOOSE TO BE. My parents beat the crap out of me but I CHOOSE not to beat my children. Do not let the world define who you are. Make your own choices and by doing so, define who you are and will be. Many children come from murders and they CHOOSE not to murder.
It is not who your parents were or what social environment you grew up in or if you were breast fed. You are an adult and you choose who you will be .... or you make excuses for your choices.
Great response.
Amen!
This hurt my two girls tremendously. To this day, the younger is constantly questioning her worth and being worthy of love even though her stepmother and I constantly reinforce her worth and love to her.
There mother later told her best friend that she intended to kill the children (seriously). Hence their mother is no longer my wife and I raised them; paying what their mother wanted all along - alimony.
Please, if you were told you were a result of rape or should have been aborted; Ask God for lovingkindnesses. He gives them new every morning. If the fact plagues of what was said to you, then get a wise counselor.
Do so, so you will pass on loving words on to the next generation rather than these.
Your worth is far above precious rubies and your faith is more precious than perishable gold.
Well this daughter is, per my read, 100 times the human her mum was........
There was no need for this woman to say this to her daughter. It was a selfish act.
By this, do you mean that, if we were able to know the conceptual details of our entire genealogy back to the very beginning, somewhere along the line at least one of those conceptions would have arisen out of a forcible rape? Is that what you mean?
Or, do you mean to imply that every human (and, more specifically, every male) has the potential to be a rapist because of a genetic propensity for sexual violence if strongly enough stimulated? (Again ditto for thievery and murder.)
Not trying to be a smarta** or pick a fight here. Just trying to understand which line of reasoning your statement flows from.
Hubby and I got into a discussion regarding what should a woman do if pregnant due to rape.
I said keeping the child or putting it up for adoption would be the right thing to do. Since I already have children, I would prefer to just keep it, since my children wouldn’t know what to think if I just gave away a perfectly good baby. If I chose any other option, they would probably write me off as a mom, and I couldn’t really blame them if they did.
The child is blameless. I can’t see not loving the baby after you’ve given birth. Some men probably don’t get this-it’s a mom thing. I suppose if it was under those circumstances, it might be difficult, but if you have major problems, you could put the baby up for adoption.
I don’t see how a spouse could push abortion in that situation if they truly love their mate. Abortion is very damaging, psychologically and physically, and the baby is genetically half made up of the woman’s DNA, which reminds me of “For better or for worse”. The number one issue of course, is the fact that abortion is murder. How could a spouse push their mate to commit murder-a mortal sin? That is not a loving act.
If mom had to tell her something like that, it could have been done better, more in the context of the importance of choosing life no matter what.
Maybe that’s what she meant to do, but it all came out wrong?
That’s what I hope anyway.
If I were you I would be thanking God that you were able to make good choices. Remember that “there but for the Grace of God” go any of us, and/or our children.
I’ve seen good parents leave behind bad children, and bad parents produce good children. So bottom line we have to beg for God’s grace and mercy.
I’m happy God blessed you so much. I promise it was God who made the difference. Thank you God!
No kidding. Thanks for sharing, Mom.
I found some of the reader comments following the London Times article in defense of her Mom quite convincing.
I understood the poster to be saying this, rather than the other potential interpretation.
“The child is blameless.”
Absolutely: a child, no matter how conceived, has absolutely nothing to do with the manner of its conception. This is why abortion is so evil: those who advocate it “in cases of rape or incest” punish the child for the sin of its father. Those who advocate it “to save the life of the mother” are naive or disingenuous. I spent 5 years as a hospital attorney and another 3 as a med mal defense attorney. I asked every OB doc I represented or advised how many times they’d seen a case where a child had to be aborted to save the mother’s life. Not ONE said he or she had seen a case where those were the only two choices.
Colonel, USAFR
My nine year old is a result of rape, and he gets and gives hugs constantly, from my wife and me. I wouldn’t trade him for all the world, and neither would any of his siblings. What a blessing and joy he is! The day will come when he will be told the truth about his beginning. It’s unavoidable, but there will never be a moment when he doesn’t know how much we love him.
Incredibly heart-warming!
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