Hilarious but extremely accurate Avatar review (salty language warning)

BigEmpire.com ^ | the Filthy Critic

[Thirteen]

Epic sci-fi crap typically ain't my cup of tea. I get a lot of angry e-mails from people whose bottle of Mountain Dew it is. The notes are usually pretty threatening, as though me not liking something these people love is a matter of utmost importance. As though the fact some as***le with a web site doesn't care for what they do threatens the substance of their passion.

My nephew Jimmy is one of these people. He is spurred to action only when someone insults the s**t he likes. Then, his first reaction is to insult whomever doesn't share his opinion. The kid knows his sci-fi s**t, though, and he talks the fanboy language for whom Avatar is finally a reason to take a shower, pour on a bottle of Axe body spray, wear that homemade quilt sweater the Aunt gave them last Christmas and get out of the basement to go someplace other than Best Buy or Gameforce. I will be spending a lot of time with Jimmy over the next couple of weeks. Christmas is at his mother's, and I have to act like a nice guy if I want to be invited. I will because they spike the punch with grappa and always forget to lock the medicine cabinet. Two years ago I scored birth control pills that made me feel unbelievably pretty and a delicate for two months.

[DManA]

Kinda disqualifies himself in the first sentence: Epic sci-fi crap typically ain't my cup of tea.

[DManA]

I think it would have been funny if there had been one animal whose user interface was incompatible with the Na’vi tail.

[Loud Mime]

If it was his cup of tea, he would like it no matter how bad it was. Enjoyable review to read; he described a couple of people I know.

[nevergore]

Great post....unfortunately, this is one that you can’t wait for DVD though since the best effects would be the 3D experience.....

Too bad the plot and dialog sucks.....

This has been a consistent theme from all the reviewers I’ve read.....

Also, most have drawn the parallel to America “bad” and Bush caused this.....

[Rummyfan]

The Na'vi talk to the earth and the animals. They live in harmony with nature. Through them, Cameron preaches the same simpleton back-to-the-earth bullshit as those phonies who go to Pow-wows and talk out their asses about magical American Indians. Hell, I'm surprised there isn't a cameo by Iron Eyes Cody. It's a really insincere message in a movie ripping off Ferngully's plot as its excuse for big-ass explosions and massive battles. "Fighting is bad. Here's some more!"

I'll give it a miss. Frankly James Cameron's characters have always come across as written by a teenager. Sounds like more of the same here. Unobtainium? C'mon!!!!!

[Rummyfan]

The Na'vi talk to the earth and the animals. They live in harmony with nature. Through them, Cameron preaches the same simpleton back-to-the-earth bullshit as those phonies who go to Pow-wows and talk out their asses about magical American Indians. Hell, I'm surprised there isn't a cameo by Iron Eyes Cody. It's a really insincere message in a movie ripping off Ferngully's plot as its excuse for big-ass explosions and massive battles. "Fighting is bad. Here's some more!"

I'll give it a miss. Frankly James Cameron's characters have always come across as written by a teenager. Sounds like more of the same here. Unobtainium? C'mon!!!!!

[gunnyg]

???
is that eastwood’s new flik?
wtf happened to him?

if his flik, i guess he just groked himself over to the hollyweird side finally...

[Rummyfan]

Eastwood's new flick is INVICTUS.

[gunnyg]

Thank you!

Anyway, he had his chance with his flag-raissing flik—and blew it!
Semper bs

[Damifino]

Great review - Laughed my butt off reading it. Didn’t see the flick, this affirms what I suspected from it.

[Thirteen]

No, not even close to an Eastwood flick. It’s James (Titanic) Cameron’s mega million dollar science-fiction movie. Trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRdxXPV9GNQ

[RightFighter]

What’s wrong with the name “Unobtainium”? Oakley has been using that name for years for the rubber that they use on their sunglasses. In a sci-fi movie designed to appeal to kids - that name is perfect to convey the fact that this material is hard to obtain.

From an Oakley product description: Add that to the comfort of a Three-Point Fit plus UNOBTAINIUM® components that increase grip with sweat, and you’ve got the closest thing to an unfair advantage in sports competition.

[Poser]

Bump!

Very funny and crude.

[Rummyfan]

What’s wrong with the name “Unobtainium”?

How about hardtofindium? Or rareashensteethium? Or anhonestdemocratium? Or perfectmanium? Or..... That's the best he could come up with?

[Thirteen]

LOL! How about HardToGetium? GoodToFindium? Or my personal favorite: Upsidasium (with apologies to Jay Ward).

Note: Look up Bullwinkle Upseedasium (intentional misspelling, no quotations) on Google’s image search.

[humblegunner]

Have you seen it?

If not, how can you know if the review is accurate?

[Sax]

Kinda like Tiger’s quest for amassing as much forbiddenboxium, OPP-ium, and jezebelium as he can find. It was like he was trying to corner the market on that stuff.

[Sister_T]

Unobtainium is the same stuff used in the movie "The Core". Here, unobtainium is used to build a ship to drill to the center of the earth and is able to resist the heat and pressure, converting it to energy to power the ship.

When I heard that unobtainium was the "quest" in Avatar, I was like, "Are you serious? Couldn't come up with something original, eh?"

[qam1]

get a lot of angry e-mails from people whose bottle of Mountain Dew it is. The notes are usually pretty threatening, as though me not liking something these people love is a matter of utmost importance. As though the fact some as***le with a web site doesn't care for what they do threatens the substance of their passion.

LOL!

If he thinks the Avatar people are bad, try criticizing the even more boring Lord of the Rings trilogy to really see people get their panties in a wad.