Posted on 06/30/2010 3:50:49 PM PDT by JoeProBono
SEATTLE, - A Seattle author was named the winner of a contest to create an opening sentence to begin the worst possible novel.
Molly Ringle, who has published one novel with two more on the way, was declared the winner of the 28th annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a bad-writing contest sponsored by San Jose State University, the California school said.
"For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss -- a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil," Ringle's prize-winning sentence read.
Still better than L. Ron Hubbard.
my friend and i get a kick out of this contest... we love to read the sentences of the top winners... we often guffaw...
lol.
It would be funnier if this contest was for actual published novels. heh
Well it damn sure DOES!
Love it...........lmao.
Y’all ever see the similar contest, wherein the contestants must begin their opening sentence with “It was a dark and stormy night...”?
THAT one is HYSTERICAL. I’ll go dig up something resembling a link for ya.
I cant find the link anymore though. It was of course about Hillry.
Just in time for tea!
“a lengthy, ravenous kiss . . . lapping and sucking . . . .”
Sounds kinda like Al Gore getting massage.
OK OK....seems I WAS referring to this very contest (always thought it had to include that offending phrase; but it’s only a contest to choose the worst of that STYLE of writing).
I LOVED this one: :)
Runner-Up:
As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, “Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead.
Dennis Pearce
Lexington, KY
I wish I was a Wellesley wench
Oh the passions I would quench
at parties I would drink highballs
(never touch a beer!)
I’d bat my big blue eyes and sigh
“Are you an ENGINEER?”
(Chorus)
But I’m just a tech coed,
Mama dropped me on my head.
I wear a slide rule on my belt,
Man, oh man, do I look svelte!
The song goes:
Oh, I wish I was a Wellesley girl
I’d give the Techman such a whirl
I’d charm them with my smile
And then I’d hook them properly
I’d march them down the aisle.
Chorus:
Oh, I wish I was a B.U. girl
In C.L.A. I’d really toil.
In Hayden you could find me
Almost every night.
And though I could not read a word,
My blouse would be too tight.
Chorus
A Techretary I would be
To catch a man from MIT.
I’d sit in Building Twenty,
Perhaps in Building Ten,
Doing little favors
For all those lovely MEN.
Chorus
Oh, I with I wath a girl from Thmith
A thouthand Techmen I would kith.
They’d all come to my miktherth
Id date them on the run.
But when the boys from Yale come round,
I’d flush them one by one.
Chorus
Oh, I wish I was a Simmons wench,
And oh the passions I would quench.
At parties I’d drink highballs
I’d never touch a beer.
I’d bat my big blue eyes and squeal,
Are you an EnginEER?
Chorus
Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth to get at the tea somehow always makes it memorable.
For me anyway.
Winner: Historical Fiction
In Southwestern Germany just east of the Luxemburg border and north of France where history pitted various related Hapsburg Royals against each other and the Archbishops of Trier, the Abbots of St. Maximin, various members of the nobility, and mobs of axe-bearing villagers, there stands a ruin whose building stones mostly were carted off to build other buildings.
Mary Ann R Unger
Ewing, NJ
Runner-Up:
The band of pre-humans departed the cave in search of solace from the omnipresent dangers found there knowing that it meant survival of their kind, though they probably didn’t understand it intellectually since their brains were so small and undeveloped but fundamentally they understood that they didn’t like big animals that ate them.
Mike Mayfield
Austin, TX
We have a winner!
(I was hoping it would go a little longer. Shoulda noun the diperversity of the amerit litter eathe hear would get the port man toe of it.)
Winner: Detective
She walked into my office wearing a body that would make a man write bad checks, but in this paperless age you would first have to obtain her ABA Routing Transit Number and Account Number and then disable your own Overdraft Protection in order to do so.
Steve Lynch
San Marcos, CA
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