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You have two cows....
http://www.zerohedge.com/article/apr%C3%A8s-moi-le-d%C3%A9luge ^

Posted on 10/13/2010 9:26:50 PM PDT by tired1

DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

AMERICAN BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class.

GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS:
I needed a laugh today.
1 posted on 10/13/2010 9:26:51 PM PDT by tired1
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To: tired1

Islam- You have 2 cows. The local Imam takes one. One of his followers blows up the other one because you milked it without facing Mecca.


2 posted on 10/13/2010 9:32:43 PM PDT by GeronL (http://libertyfic.proboards.com <--- My Fiction/ Science Fiction Board)
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To: tired1

3 posted on 10/13/2010 9:32:56 PM PDT by Old Sarge (Marking Time On The Government's Dime)
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To: tired1
A somewhat modified oldie but a goodie.......had to send it to my e-mail list.

"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: for men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away, for his name is Obama."

4 posted on 10/13/2010 9:34:00 PM PDT by Viking2002 (2010 - NO PRISONERS! NO QUARTER!)
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To: tired1
COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

Un-canny parallel with obama/Reid/Pelosi-care...

5 posted on 10/13/2010 9:34:12 PM PDT by ThunderSleeps (obama out now! I'll keep my money, my guns, and my freedom - you can keep the change.)
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To: tired1

Islam- You have 2 cows. The local Imam takes one. One of his followers blows up the other one because you milked it without facing Mecca.


6 posted on 10/13/2010 9:34:24 PM PDT by GeronL (http://libertyfic.proboards.com <--- My Fiction/ Science Fiction Board)
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To: tired1

Good one! Bump


7 posted on 10/13/2010 9:35:45 PM PDT by Nowhere Man (General James Mattoon Scott, where are you when we need you? We need a regime change.)
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To: tired1

That was good. Thanks.

Bookmarked.


8 posted on 10/13/2010 9:36:05 PM PDT by RandallFlagg (Let this chant follow BHO everywhere he goes: "You lie. You lie. You lie.")
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To: tired1

That was good.

However, based on the Poles I know, I’d say the Polish Corporation should be changed to a San Francisco Corporation.


9 posted on 10/13/2010 9:38:43 PM PDT by old3030 (I lost some time once. It's always in the last place you look.)
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To: tired1

OBAMA: You have two cows. One of them starts leaking milk from its udder. You declare a moratorium on milking the other cow.


10 posted on 10/13/2010 9:42:06 PM PDT by Rocky (REPEAL IT!)
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To: tired1

This is hilarious...


11 posted on 10/13/2010 9:42:43 PM PDT by csense
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To: tired1

Well said. Well said.


12 posted on 10/13/2010 9:47:16 PM PDT by righttackle44 (I may not be much, but I raised a United States Marine.)
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To: tired1

Made my day. Thanks


13 posted on 10/13/2010 9:50:04 PM PDT by chuckee
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To: tired1

CAMBODIAN CORPORATION: You had two cows, but a crazy farang backpacker paid you $200 U.S. to fire a 30-year old RPG at it outside of Kambol firing range. So now you have one cow, and she’s getting nervous about the way you’re counting all that money...


14 posted on 10/13/2010 9:54:26 PM PDT by DemforBush (You might think that, *I* could not possibly comment.)
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To: tired1

CHICAGO: You have two cows, but by counting those dead cows hanging in the butcher shops, all women named “Elsie,” and Rosie O’Donnell, you have enough votes to win the mayoral election.


15 posted on 10/13/2010 10:05:37 PM PDT by Guyin4Os (A messianic ger-tsedek)
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To: GeronL

DEMOCRATIC (voter) Your neighbor has two cows. He worked hard to buy them. You have none. You have been taught that you are your neighbor’s victim. You vote for politicians who force your neighbor to do all the work feeding and milking the cows and then force your neighbor to give you half the milk. It’s all Bush’s fault.

DEMOCRATIC (politician) You demonize people who own cows. You get elected (see above), and then you take over control of the cows through laws and regulations backed by threat of force. You dictate to the people who own cows how to raise and milk them. The cows die, and people stop raising cows. It’s all Bush’s fault.


16 posted on 10/13/2010 10:08:54 PM PDT by piytar (There is evil. There is no such thing as moderate evil. Never forget.)
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To: tired1

Department of Interior: millions of cows but no one can milk them. See: Endangered Species Act.

Michigan Corporation: cows are often drunk, stoned, and/or unemployed. See also “Chrysler cows.”


17 posted on 10/13/2010 10:13:45 PM PDT by Stingray (Stand for the truth or you'll fall for anything.)
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To: tired1

LOL, I love the cow thing! This has some that are new to me, the Belgian one is very good, that’s about where they are right now I guess.

My fave remains the Italian cow owner, I’m glad to see it included!


18 posted on 10/13/2010 10:39:17 PM PDT by jocon307 (Loser Merjerksi broke my tagline.)
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To: tired1

U.S. Senate: You have two cows. Their names are Barbara Mikulski and Debbie Stabenow.


19 posted on 10/13/2010 10:57:17 PM PDT by Schatze (It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.)
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To: tired1

Fuslim - you have two cows - one of them you fill with explosives to blow up that “other” mosque, the other you dress up as a camel and marry.


20 posted on 10/13/2010 11:18:49 PM PDT by Yehuda (Land of the free, THANKS TO THE BRAVE!)
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To: tired1
ISRAEL: You have two cows. Palestinian terrorists try to blow them up and fail, getting badly stomped and gored in the process. They then claim that the cows were the aggressors.
21 posted on 10/14/2010 12:11:34 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: tired1
CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

modified: CAPITALISM You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You sell one to your neighbor, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. Then charge your neighbor for the bull's 'services,' he builds a herd, too. Everyone wins.

22 posted on 10/14/2010 4:31:30 AM PDT by eccentric (a.k.a. baldwidow)
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