Skip to comments.Source: CVN-69, to be commissioned in 2019, will be named USS Barack Obama
Posted on 05/14/2011 10:57:02 AM PDT by GeorgiaDawg32
(Washington, D.C., 5/14/11) In an announcement quietly released on Friday evening, it was announced by an anonymous source within the administration the Navy's newest aircraft carrier, currently designated CVN-69 and scheduled for commissioning in 2019 will be called the USS Barack Obama.
The statement read in part, "A president such as Barack Obama, will be dutifully and respectfully honored by having CVN-69 named for him. His courage, honor, honesty and ability to effectively lead this nation through hard times brought upon us by previous Republican administrations to unparalleled prosperity and record numbers on government assistance ensuring thousands of federal government jobs are the hallmarks of a great President deserving of every accolade which can be given.
We are also pleased to announce that CVN-69 will be manned by the first all gay crew on board a U.S. Navy vessel in honor of Obamas commitment to allow gays in the military. We will be making some adjustments to the vessel in order to ensure a happy gay crew such as a small wedding chapel in the rear of the ship as well as double-wide bunks that can easily accommodate up to 3 sailors. The crews lounge will be renamed the Frolic Area and will be in the rear next to the wedding chapel. Other adjustments are under discussion such as an onboard florist and a hair stylist.
"One last thing, CVN-70, scheduled for commissioning in 2023 is tentatively named the USS Michele Obama."
A usual friday gubmint Big Sh!tty!!!!!
A bit late...
The USS Michelle Obama would have a pretty wide stern.
Is this the carrier they were originally going to name the USS Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell but later changed the name to the USS Nobel Peace Prize?
Thank goodnesss this is satire. For now.
Still wouldn't be able to go through the Panama Canal even after doubling the width.
Maybe it won’t fire a shot or sink on its first day.
CVN-69 is the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower, “Big Ike.” My dad’s old boat.
I know. I caught that after I posted. My fingers didn’t work so good..:(
They will save a lot of energy from the new reactor because crew members will simply volunteer to launch even the heavist aircraft using only projectile vomit. Saves over a billion in un-needed systems on the carrier.
It will be useless. The captain will call for a starboard turn and it wil turn to port, always.
TOTALLY BOGUS STORY, YANK THIS THREAAD!!!
Always... always ... always look at KEYWORDS! Look for the word satire!
It has to be , She makes accomodations for the biggest A-Hole ever to be President.
Would they paint it pink like the sub in the movie “Operation Petticoat?”
Are you accusing me of just scanning the first paragraph and not readin the entire article at the link??
Well, just because that’s true...Oh, all right...I repent! :(
Lemme guess. It’ll be able to launch jets, but they won’t be able to return to the ship.... ever.
To be worthy of its namesake, the Captain, XO, and the division czars will be political appointees, exempt from the UCMJ.
The crew will be thrice the size of what’s necessary.
All the officers and petty officers will have to kick in a tax to pay for all the non-rates (even after the non-rates PCS to another ship or station or are discharged).
It will have difficulty launching aircraft from a deck more suited for putt-putt golf.
Brazil will build it because their labor is cheaper, and we don’t want to be racist.
It should terrify our enemies when it goes to sea, but will actually spend most of its time in dry dock because it will be managed like the city of Detroit.
It should have a fine progressive war record.
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