'I've never liked my child' mother explains why she can't love her eldest daughter

Daily Mail ^ | 7:12 PM on 3rd June 2011 | By Tamara Abraham

[Niuhuru]

For most mothers, the love they have for their child is unconditional. And if that wasn't the case, few would dare admit it.

Which perhaps explains why a woman breaking that social taboo has chosen to write under a pseudonym.

In an article published today in the latest issue of REDBOOK, the mother-of-two, who calls herself Jennifer Rabiner, confesses how she has never been able to love her eldest child.

[KC Burke]

There are countless that are not good parents to a child or all of their children. At least this person seems to have come to some awarness, recognition and honesty about that failing. She isn’t due applause, but she is a long way from condemnation.

[A_perfect_lady]

Honestly, did many of them really read and actually comprehend the article?

No. You know the type who gravitates to these sorts of threads. They have what I call "love kittens/hate cats" mentality.

[trisham]

You don't choose to bond. It's an entirely parasympathetic process outside of conscious control. Now you may choose to place some blame on the woman for failing to mimic the outward signs of bonding, but I do not.

But I should really know better than to bring science into a discussion that's as potentially emotionally driven as this one. I usually don't. Not here, or in real life. Experience has taught me that people are happier with their illusion of everything being under conscious control, than the real workings of the mind with it's various unconscious mechanisms, hormonally induced feeling and moods, and biological predispositions that shake the foundations of the "I'm in control" school of thought.

*******************************

Who's talking about choosing to bond? I'm talking about a woman who chose not to behave as a loving, nurturing mother.

Human beings are not animals. If you choose not to hold human beings to a higher standard than animals, that's your mistake.

[trisham]

I can understand why you’re tired.

[Melas]

Human beings are not animals. If you choose not to hold human beings to a higher standard than animals, that's your mistake.

I know that you genuinely believe that, so I'll let it go without further elaboration. My mistake was entering the conversation in the first place.

[tired&retired]

I do research on this topic everyday and work in a clinical setting. I find it fascinating and it really helps people to understand themselves. Been doing it for over 20 years.

It’s not entirely biochemical, nor is entirely free will/choice. There are many influencing factors including conscious awareness /subconscious, emotional/logical consciousness, perception formulation, and the resulting biochemistry. Bottom line though is that perception influences biochemistry as much or more than biochemistry influences perception.

[trisham]

On that we agree.

[trisham]

I never disputed the biochemical influences.

[EDINVA]

Oh, you are special, indeed!!! Congratulations to you and your brother on overcoming the profound emotional hurt imposed by your mother, and going on to lead your productive lives. That’s really extraordinary.

[Melas]

Good. Even in the real world, I only have a handful of friends who appreciate wholly rational discussion without the taint of ideology, or emotion. I really do know better.

[trisham]

Excellent. I’m glad to hear that you have friends.

[A_perfect_lady]

She has to have the last word. It’s a thing with her.

[I Buried My Guns]

"...I'm nothing special, but I've had a productive life with a daughter and two grandkids..."

Actually, you ARE special. Don't beat yourself up!

[I Buried My Guns]

"...The truth of the matter is that maternal bonding is psychologically and physiologically complicated. Increased levels of serotonin and oxycontin accompany the early bonding with a child, with or without breastfeeding..."

I know you are correct, but I don't think I have ever held a baby that I did NOT instantly love, and I am a guy. Does that make me faggy?

[Vigilantcitizen]

Awww thanks. :) I actually consider myself fortunate. I’m well loved.

[Vigilantcitizen]

I know you are correct, but I don't think I have ever held a baby that I did NOT instantly love, and I am a guy. Does that make me faggy?

Same here bro.

[Vigilantcitizen]

Thanks. :)

[CharacterCounts]

Interesting that in all her statements she reflects continuously on how her child's perceived deficiencies impacted her, but fails to see how her obvious hatred of her daughter may have impacted the child. Generally, when a child refuses to make eye contact with an adult, it is from fear.

I sure would like to hear the child's version of all this.

[CharacterCounts]

I agree. Sad how many people here are judging her. But Freepers, I find, are nearly as perfect as Liberals.

But, apparently none as perfect as you.

What a telling handle you selected.

[A_perfect_lady]

I chose it as something to shoot for.