Posted on 12/08/2011 11:52:02 AM PST by AUJenn
We have a close family member who decided a few years ago that she was gay. I say 'decided' because up until then, she had always dated men and was actually about to get married. It came as a huge shock to everyone and has taken a while to get used to. She has had the same partner since she announced her lifestyle change. It has been difficult for me and other family members to accept and get used to their living arrangements, lifestyle, etc, especially on holidays. But as time has gone on, I have accepted this is how she is going to live and there is nothing I can do about it. But I don't like it.
I have always been polite and cordial because I see no sense in being rude or hostile. And if I were hateful, it would just give conservatives/Christians a bad name IMO, and would add fuel to their fire. That being said....she has announced that she and her partner are having a baby. The partner is pregnant. This has really thrown us for a loop, as we never expected this to happen.
It so happens that I have a small child and am expecting again, so it really makes me think. I am completely against their doing this. But I have no idea how to publicly act or respond to this situation - especially at upcoming family holiday events. I don't feel like happily telling them 'congratulations!' or talking about baby things. I think about how this poor kid is going to feel about his/her parent situation, or how I'm going to explain to my children why this baby 'has two moms' and on and on.
If anyone has a gay family member or has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how you handle it. Thank you -
Having said that, we also have had to uninvite the family fornicators. When I was homeschooling my daughter, I told the unmarried inlaws to find a motel if they wanted to attend family functions. I let them know I don't believe in unmarried sex and wouldn't provide a place for them to practice it. One even got married and is teaching Sunday school in church now. The other is broken up and still a little upset that they can't flop at my house with a new beau.
I have the right to control what happens in my home and in front of my family. They believed it would just be easier for me to accept their lifestyle and give in. They lost! When Thanksgiving comes at my home and 15 people come here and 2 or 3 end up in a motel or not invited at all, they are the ones that do without and everybody knows why.
Too many people allow these "in your face" types to push them around. You may do without for awhile, bit then again, they may get embarrassed if you let them know you won't give in. When it first started, there was family trouble and I was the one causing unnecessary trouble. After awhile, it became obvious that they were the ones being unreasonable. I am a Christian first! Everyone, in the end, figured out that no one has to accept anything. They will try to outnumber you, but you just have to have Christ first in your life. If Christ isn't the reason you want them to change, you will loose. I was able to raise my daughter with good values and point out the catastrophic lives of the others. From drugs, diseases, jail, and misery, my daughter saw the end results and pain of their chosen lifestyles. She was able to witness their transformation into a "regular" human being after a life of debauchery and misery. They demonstrated God's way is the best way to my daughter and saved her a life of mistakes. One brother in law actually died drinking himself to death. I've seen many families give in thinking they want to be "reasonable". It doesn't help a thing. Call it tough love or an intervention, whatever you want, just reject what isn't right. You will be happier and you may even affect their life. Name calling and arguing doesn't fix a thing, but living your principles will.
When you start out, you just have to be firm, but not nasty. Just tell them you don't accept what they do in your house. You may get uninvited from family events at first, but they will either give in or you just won't have family functions anymore.
There is a Bible verse about putting Jesus above your family members. It says you must "hate" them. That was a hard saying at first, but you find out later the wisdom of it. If you just think you don't want to be around homosexuality, you will either give in eventually, or do and say things you will be sorry for later. Just love God and be fair and consistent.
I can’t believe it either. And the homosexual agenda moves on....
I wouldn’t be “tolerating” homosexuals around my children.
“...What was it Jesus said? Something about loving your neighbor?..”
Loving your neighbor is not the same as accepting their “lifestyle”. Jesus said, “Go and sin no more.” He was always forthright about God’s narrow way vs. the ways of the world.
I have two gay nephews (brothers, figure the odds on THAT!). One is an interior decorator with TV gigs and is making pots of money. He’s in a committed relationship. The other works for EPA. We have had some interesting discussions. He’s also quite conservative. This guy was in a commited relationship with a guy who was universally well thought of by our family. I love both of the guys almost like my own sons, both of whom think the world of their cousins. The EPA guy is especially fond of HIS two nephews and nobody in the family has any problem with him taking these two little boys out for ice cream, etc. These guys’ dad is a super-macho hunter, deep-sea fisherman, and all around tough guy. He has never allowed their “condition” to affect his love for his sons. He also has two daughters and sometimes tells people that he has four daughters.
“the second she brought her fetish sex partner into the family event she made it your business.
there is no passive go along to get along because it only endorses the bad conduct in front of your children.
There is right and wrong, and kombaya blindness is only teaching endorsement to your children.”
I don’t think being civil is being blind or going along to get along. I said I would explain my feelings to my children, already have. Told them what I think about homosexuality and why. That’s not condoning it. But I am not the family morality police either.
We want to be close to our families, but some things cannot be avoided.
We want to be close to our families, but some things cannot be avoided.
Hey, I am not saying embrace the lifestyle. I am saying there is nothing you can do about it. You can choose to love her and pray for her, or not.
Telling her she is damned for all time really doesn’t sound too productive.
I also know that the poster already knows the answer to her question. It’s in her heart. It’s not my place to damn anyone else. I have lots of lumber-jacking to do in my own eye.
YOU knowing what Jesus would do and feeling the hostility you do towards your family member, I only feel sadness for you...........May Jesus turn your heart from condemnation to acceptance.
The obvious solution to your problem is to forbid your family member from ever stepping into your house again, citing your religious belief of course, and condemning her and her partner and their unborn child to eternal hell in front of the entire family.
That should work for you..........
The unborn child isn't your responsibility and, legally speaking, your relative may not even have claim. There's no reason to offer congratulations for a test tube moment. I tend to the Catholic view that IVF and other unnatural conceptions are immoral and selfish acts.
As for your own child, you can explain the science in simple terms if you choose and offer your view on it. You can also say the relative's relationship is not one you believe God would want for her but adults have free will to make good and bad choices.
Be aware, when you decide what to tell your children, they may reach puberty and find themselves unexpected burdened with a non-heterosexual orientation. I realize that's controversial to say here because many think it's all a "choice" with no physiological component (aberrant or otherwise) but it needs to be said. You do not want to preemptively alienate him or her should that happen because if it does they'll need your love and support as they struggle through it as your child would with any setback to the blueprint of a normal, healthy life.
You need to be clear it's behavior you disapprove of not the individual.
Let me know how that turns out, I’m sure your Christmas will be everything it’s supposed to be once purged of that sinner...........
“...I have lots of lumber-jacking to do in my own eye...”
Ha! As do I.
Does she tell you how to live your life?
You completely missed her point. Her question was about how to handle the situation with the pregnancy with regard to what to tell her child, how to avoid being put in a position where she either had to appear supportive (when she isn't) or be very open about her opposition to the situation, etc.
I would be as open with my child as appropriate based on his/her age. I would try to explain that cousin Suzie's "friend" is having a baby, but I would not tell the child that the new baby would have 2 mommies. I would acknowledge the event without expressing approval - no "Congratulations" or baby shower gifts - this is not a situation to be celebrated, and more than any child deliberating born out of wedlock is. Of course, once the baby was born, I would treat the baby with the same love and affection I would treat any other child - the baby is not responsible for the decisions of his or her parent.
I think the most important thing is not to allow your children to see this as "normal". It is okay to explain to them that, although we love cousin Suzie, the way she is living is not according to God's law, and we need to pray for her every day that she comes to repentance and a restoration of a relationship with God.
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A Freeper asking for input - I am sure that many on the list will have good ideas, experiences, and so on. How to love the person but not give approval for serious immorality - not the easiest task in the world. And it's more than "how someone wants to enjoy their life" as shelterguy says, there is a difference between Right and Wrong, objective reality exists, and moral absolutes exist. It is delicate because no one wants to alienate a family member. One problem is if the homosexual family member is very aggressive and "in your face" and demands approval and participation. If they remain private it's a lot easier.
THEY are not having a baby, she has decided to deny this child a father. Perhaps what is needed is constitutional referenda outlawing anonymous sperm donation.
Obviously not, since the homosexual lifestyle is as incompatible with Christianity as is being a practicing adulterer.
So now you have to decide what you want YOUR children to see and hear. That should be your main focus. They have chosen their life. Now you decide. What do you want your children exposed to?
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