Posted on 08/30/2012 6:16:12 PM PDT by MrPiper
If you think a marriage counseler can help your marriage, you believe in Santa Claus ! They are as full of stuffing as a christmas turkey!
Guys, you are a fool to ever marry!!!!
My parents were an amazing couple, up until I hit thirteen. During Dad's third tour of Vietnam, something un-clicked between them, and they could never get back to where they'd been before. They wound up divorcing as soon as we got back to the states.
Only years later, did my mom share the real reason that they un-clicked. It was because she had discovered that my dad had been unfaithful to her while he was (secretly) on leave in Thailand. After having borne seven children for my dad, and having given up a very promising career of her own, that was a bridge too far for her. She simply couldn't forgive him for that betrayal.
I told that little back story to make a point about marriage counseling. I've been married to my wife for seventeen years now, but in year one, it looked like we'd never make it to our first anniversary. For some reason, things just began to fall apart for us in that first year. It got so bad that she moved out and took a job across town. I was utterly devastated, and tried everything under the sun moon and stars to get her to come home, but she wouldn't.
In desperation, I talked to a marriage counselor who helped me to get her to agree to give the counseling a shot. I really didn't know what to expect, but this counselor didn't give us any advice, or attempt to evaluate our relationship issues at all. He sat us down, and did two things:
He turned to me and asked, "What have you done to your wife? Me: "Well, I, er ah...blah, blah, blah." He then asked me, "What have you withheld from your wife?" Me: "Er, um, ah......blah, blah, blah."
He then turned to my wife and asked, "What have you done to your husband?" Her: "Uh...um, er......blah, blah, blah." He then asked her, "What have you withheld from your husband?" Her: "Um....uh...uh....blah, blah, blah."
This went on for some time. The counselor switching back and forth between her and I. Those were the only two questions he ever asked, but I'll tell you what. I quickly realized that I'd committed all sorts of transgressions behind my wife's back, and she'd done the same to me. By the end of that session, our consciences were as clean as the driven snow, and we walked out of that office hand in hand.
Since then, I've never forgotten the lesson. I keep no secrets from her. If I screw up and go off the rails on something, I get it off to her immediately, and she does the same with me. It's our little habit, and I firmly believe that it's kept us together all these years.
girl, I'd kill a Pope for one of our kind,,','
Meant one of your kind, as in a loving women, very rare these days...
Got screwed once but I made bad decisions and ignored warning signs. Second time is a charm and would do it all over again and agana and again...
My wife and I will have our 50th. Anniversary this year, she is a wonderful, faithful wife.
My son married a slut who is without doubt a disgrace to womanhood. Sleeping around ,she aborted my son’s child to run off with her jungle fever lover, she fed my grand daughter a line of crap, her mother is just as bad .The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree.
My experiences with the court is that female judges always side with the woman.
From personal experience and observing many marriage catastrophes of others, the only marriage "made in heaven" is one in which both partners were already solidly given over to Christ and whom God joined together, and who have developed a loving relationship unwounded from the outset, by respecting each other's modesty and purity until wedded consummation of the union. A happy marriage would thus have been preceded by a conduct similar to that of the of the espousal of Joseph and Mary, Jesus' earthly parents, as it was observed in their culture.
Was your pre-wedding friendship long, warm, and flourishing? Were each of you respectful of the other's parents and families? Was your union approved by and rejoiced in both families? Did you respect your mate enough to keep sexual purity until after the ritual of mutual life commitment? If not, you can kiss the "made in heaven" goodbye.
If one of you was previously married then divorced, and you imagine that you are going to be happy, you have never thought through the doctrine of the sin of remarriage adultery described in Jesus' teaching and refined by Peter and Paul in the New Testament (Mk. 10:11-12; Lk. 16:18). God cannot and will not bless your union for sure, and you will have to limp along in an already crippled relationship on your own recognizance. Pity the home you will make for your children. Any church or pastor recognizing and approving such a union is already damaged and can never give you Scriptural support and counsel. Their deportment will be religious but never Biblical.
The only way your marriage can even begin to be healed is is you both fall on your knees together before The Mighty God and His Son, and confess your disobedience to him, and give over the rest of your lives to His governance of your spirits by His Spirit. Then get ready to work out your salvation by your forgiveness and acceptance of each other's foibles, that your abandonment of practicing sinful behavior will permit.
When that has happened, further guidance by spiritually mature counseller can help greatly (but not before you submit to God and His Word). If, for both of you, this has been your first and only marriage--forgive, forget, and be rejoined. If your union was a remarriage, be friends, but separate so as not to compound your problems. If divorced. do not remarry.
Not many will tell you this, but it is the truth.
==============
This is good, tough love counsel. Take it and move on, or reject it and sink.
(From one who has been through it: married fourteen years from age 21, four children, divorced since 1972, last "date" in 1984; clinging now to the Christ of the Cross for many. many years.)
It sounds like you’ve married some pretty immature women who are unable to have a discussion.
Figure out why that is attractive to you and you will be able to solve your problem.
In the mean time, I guess I would support your pay for sex plan. Its cheaper.
Just dont have kids with these women. You do not need that headache.
Vast majority of marriages are still having regular sex even into old age...
There is underlying reasons why your wife stopped having sex with you.
I go to lunch several times per week with marriage counselor(his office is next to mine). He has saved many marriages..and is highly respected in the community
Maybe you don't agree with the marriage counselor because you are possibly THE ONE doing something wrong in the marriage and you don't want to hear the truth??
Of course we are only hearing one side of the story here....
I don't want to get too nosy here but how did you handle the lack of physical intimacy/sex all those years??? You were divorced young based upon my simple math. I'm 27, male and maybe I look at things differently...but serious question.
I need regular sex of course but also love nothing more than spooning in bed on a lazy, rainy day watching a good movie with my gf...which is just as good as sex to me...or her coming up behind me and just giving me a long deep hug..
I don't understand the wanting to be celibate and lack of physical affection.
God provides strength and solace. I believe that intimacy is for marriage only.
/johnny
LOL! I was about 42 then, and it was lonely at times, but as I said previously, I'd reached a point in my life where I got tired of having to start over again with someone new. Maybe when you get to be our age, you'll realize that sex is only part of a relationship, and that sometimes it's easier to live alone and be celibate, than open ourselves to being disappointed when a relationship doesn't work out. I love my solitude, and privacy. Any problems I have are of my own making, and I like it that way. Enjoy your youth, it doesn't last all that long.
Whenever I feel like complaining about something my husband does that annoys me, I ask myself before opening my fat mouth... “is it worth it?” The answer is almost always no.
My husband asks the same thing to himself.
We hardly ever argue. It helps us to mature and develop a lot of patience, and just be better & more loving persons overall.
Good for you if that is what you want....but I need love and physical and emotional affection in my life and don't think I will ever be at a point in my life where that changes...but I have always been an emotional guy..love giving(especially) and receiving romance..more so than most men. I'm looking forward to be married one day...
Sad that some people never find a soulmate.
I have been married three times to only women. I sorry, dating sucks.
I think it is more that women don’t like sex WITH YOU! I have been fortunate to know many who love sex, including my wife of 25 years. By the way, the other ones were BEFORE I met her, just in case she is reading this.
Of course they also like to keep the paychecks coming, too.
“I think it is more that women don’t like sex WITH YOU!”
For the record I was quoting the OP, just as I have now quoted you.
I am not the one who claimed women do not like sex.
Wow...what a collection of incredible pussies!
New Age mumbo-jumbo capped off with terrible hairstyles.
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