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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 09/21/2012 5:37:20 AM PDT by Lucky9teen


Politically Incorrect Test

To ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80 year old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85 year old congressmen with metal hips and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors. Let's pause a moment and take the following test.

1. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics athletes were kidnapped & massacred by:
(a) Olga Corbut
(b) Sitting Bull
(c) Arnold Schwartzeneger
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

2. In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Lost Norwegians
(b) Elvis
(c) A tour bus full of 80 year old women
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

3. During the 1990s, a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
(a) John Dillinger
(b) The King of Sweden
(c) The Boy Scouts
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

 

4. In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A Pizza delivery boy
(b) Pee Wee Herman
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

5. In 1985, the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by:
(a) The Smurfs
(b) Davy Jones
(c) The Little Mermaid
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

6. In 1985, TWA flight 847 was hijacked in Athens and a U.S. Navy diver was murdered by
(a) Captain Kidd
(b) Charles Lindburgh
(c) Mother Teresa
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

7. In 1988, Pan Am flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Scooby Doo
(b) The Tooth Fairy
(c) Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train job
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

8. In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed by:
(a) Richard Simmons
(b) Grandma Moses
(c) Michael Jordan
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

9. In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
(c) The WWF to promote its next villain: Mustapha the Merciless
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

 

10. On 9/11/01, 4 airliners were hijacked & destroyed & thousands of people were killed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck & Elmer Fudd
(b) The Supreme Court of Florida
(c) Mr. Bean
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

 

 

11. In 2002 the Unites States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
 (a) Enron
(b) The Lutheran Church
(c) The NFL
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

12. 1n 2002, reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
(a) Bonny and Clyde
(b) Captain kangaroo
(c) Billy Graham
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

Hmmmm. . . . nope, no patterns anywhere to justify profiling that I can see.

 

 



Handy Phrases For Traveling in the Middle Eastt

A few handy phrases translated to English -- in case you're ever kidnapped by terrorists.

AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN.= Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT RAEH GUSH DIVAR.= I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.

SHOMAEH FIKR TAMOMEH GEH GOFTEK BANDE.= I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.

AUTO ARRAREGH DVATEMAN MAMO SEPAHEH-HAST.= It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMA RAJEBEH KESHAVAREHMAN.= If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRKAHEY.= I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.

BALLI, BALLI, BALLI!= Whatever you say!

MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GORBAN.= The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.

TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE GOYAST INO BERGERAM.= The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.

BA BODENEH SHEERELL TEEGZ.= Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than to spend a fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Tiegs.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: middleeast; ofst; silliness; unrest
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Now for some cartoons:








1 posted on 09/21/2012 5:37:25 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

I can’t believe it ... TOP 10!!


2 posted on 09/21/2012 5:39:04 AM PDT by Malone LaVeigh
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To: Lucky9teen

I can’t believe it ... TOP 10!!


3 posted on 09/21/2012 5:39:19 AM PDT by Malone LaVeigh
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To: Lucky9teen

Woohoo!!! It’s Friday!!!!!


4 posted on 09/21/2012 5:40:22 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

IN!

Happy Friday!


5 posted on 09/21/2012 5:40:22 AM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

Don't leave me hangin'

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



6 posted on 09/21/2012 5:40:34 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 20!


7 posted on 09/21/2012 5:41:08 AM PDT by Will not Live for another Man
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To: Malone LaVeigh
Maybe I should keep going and take all 10.
Sorry for the double post.
8 posted on 09/21/2012 5:41:37 AM PDT by Malone LaVeigh
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’m in and TOP 10!


9 posted on 09/21/2012 5:43:07 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Currentriverrat

10 posted on 09/21/2012 5:43:56 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

11 posted on 09/21/2012 5:47:36 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!!
12 posted on 09/21/2012 5:47:51 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Rummyfan
ALMOST!!!!!
13 posted on 09/21/2012 5:48:27 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Malone LaVeigh

14 posted on 09/21/2012 5:50:27 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen
Happy Silliness All! Forty-six days to Oust-Obama Day! Have a good weekend and ...

GO TECH - BEAT MIAMI!

15 posted on 09/21/2012 5:50:59 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Rummyfan

16 posted on 09/21/2012 5:51:10 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Currentriverrat

17 posted on 09/21/2012 5:52:19 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.”

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.

Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Life is Short, Smile While You still have Teeth.


18 posted on 09/21/2012 5:53:33 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 ("It's better to vote for a Republican you don't know than wind up with a dim you don't like".)
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To: Lucky9teen
Obama meets with Omar Abdel-Rahman (the Blind Sheik for those in Rio Linda)

Obama: " OK Abdel-Rahman, I got your one way to Cairo on e-bay"

Omar: "you can call me Omar"

Obama: "Thanks Omar...and I got you a disguise as those pesky FReepers have an eye out for you"

Omar: "Let me consult with you later on that"

Obama: "I got it covered, what with the FEMA camps and billion rounds of ammo"

Omar: "Keep up the good work my brother from another mother"

19 posted on 09/21/2012 6:03:44 AM PDT by spokeshave (The only people better off today than 4 years ago are the Prisoners at Guantanamo.)
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To: Lucky9teen

20 posted on 09/21/2012 6:05:31 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Lucky9teen
LOL

That 'toon goes with this recent thread:

Lobbyist close to White House behind effort of golfers to quell jokes about Obama
21 posted on 09/21/2012 6:19:06 AM PDT by TomGuy
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To: Lucky9teen

Top Ten Reasons Why Obama Thinks Golf Is Better Than Sex...
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger
and a couple of beers.
#08... It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04.... Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!


22 posted on 09/21/2012 6:24:02 AM PDT by sockhead (Socialism: trickle up poverty.)
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To: spokeshave

23 posted on 09/21/2012 6:34:54 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen

24 posted on 09/21/2012 6:37:22 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Will not Live for another Man
PhotobucketPhotobucket

Photobucket

25 posted on 09/21/2012 6:55:32 AM PDT by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket

The Official Obama-Benghazi Flag!

26 posted on 09/21/2012 6:56:55 AM PDT by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket

Photobucket

27 posted on 09/21/2012 6:59:17 AM PDT by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket
28 posted on 09/21/2012 6:59:30 AM PDT by RetSignman
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To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket
29 posted on 09/21/2012 7:02:33 AM PDT by RetSignman
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To: Lucky9teen

30 posted on 09/21/2012 7:26:58 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: wyokostur

31 posted on 09/21/2012 7:28:31 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: Lucky9teen

Have at it.

32 posted on 09/21/2012 7:35:22 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Lucky9teen

****** 23 ADULT TRUTHS ******

1 Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from
3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies.....Quit Laughing.

“Look for the Silver Linings”


33 posted on 09/21/2012 7:38:14 AM PDT by Ingtar (Everyone complains about the weather, but only Liberals try to legislate it.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 40!!! :D


34 posted on 09/21/2012 7:42:34 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Vote Romney to stop Obama. Vote conservative Congresspeople to stop Romney.)
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To: Lucky9teen

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,

“What day is tomorrow?”; She said “It’s President’s Day!”

She is a smart kid. I asked “What does President’s Day mean?”

I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln .... etc.

She replied, “President’s Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of Bull Sh*t.”

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!

(subby’s comment: she obviously doesn’t go to public school!)


35 posted on 09/21/2012 8:34:01 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: Lucky9teen

YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs .

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily -— if at all.

Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, “Get well soon from the nurse in the Landrover you booked for speeding last week.”

Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn’t it?


36 posted on 09/21/2012 8:35:38 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Why don’t women blink during foreplay?

Who gives a damn! I got what I needed!

No, the real answer is:
Not enough time.
_____

My sex life is like a Ferrari.

I don’t have a Ferrari.
_____

An Italian tourist asks a blonde, “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”

To which the blonde replies, “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”
_____

iRon

It all began with an iPhone...

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter’s birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in November so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

PS: iHurt!!!


37 posted on 09/21/2012 8:39:54 AM PDT by unique1
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38 posted on 09/21/2012 8:40:05 AM PDT by Baynative
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top 38 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


39 posted on 09/21/2012 8:40:57 AM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: llevrok
top 38 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liar...

40 posted on 09/21/2012 8:49:11 AM PDT by Living Free in NH
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To: Lucky9teen

41 posted on 09/21/2012 8:51:09 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen

The Muslims are not happy....

They’re not happy in Gaza.

They’re not happy in Egypt.

They’re not happy in Libya.

They’re not happy in Morocco.

They’re not happy in Iran.

They’re not happy in Iraq.

They’re not happy in Yemen.

They’re not happy in Afghanistan.

They’re not happy in Pakistan.

They’re not happy in Syria.

They’re not happy in Lebanon.

So, where are they happy?

They’re happy in Australia.

They’re happy in Canada.

They’re happy in England.

They’re happy in France.

They’re happy in Italy.

They’re happy in Germany.

They’re happy in Sweden.

They’re happy in the USA.

They’re happy in Norway.

They’re happy in Holland.

They’re happy in Denmark.

Basically, they’re happy in every country that is not Muslim and unhappy in every country that is!

And who do they blame?

Not Islam.

Not their leadership.

Not themselves.

THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN!

AND THEN; They want to change those countries to be like....

THE COUNTRY THEY CAME FROM WHERE THEY WERE UNHAPPY!

Excuse me, but I can’t help wondering...

How damn dumb can you get?


42 posted on 09/21/2012 8:54:04 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen
I'm been in bumper to bumper traffic - this driver got what he deserved....


43 posted on 09/21/2012 9:09:03 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen
Creepy Jim Messina pics:

44 posted on 09/21/2012 9:17:03 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: unique1

Probably an Obama voter/supporter too! LOL


45 posted on 09/21/2012 9:18:44 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
Creepy Jim Messina pics:

46 posted on 09/21/2012 9:18:53 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Creepy Jim Messina pics:

47 posted on 09/21/2012 9:19:30 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen

48 posted on 09/21/2012 9:28:49 AM PDT by CtBigPat (Free Republic - The grown-ups table of the internet.)
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To: JRios1968; Daffynition

49 posted on 09/21/2012 9:30:14 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Obama likes to claim credit for getting Osama. Why hasn't he tried Khalid Sheikh Mohammed yet?)
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To: JRios1968; Daffynition

50 posted on 09/21/2012 9:32:28 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Obama likes to claim credit for getting Osama. Why hasn't he tried Khalid Sheikh Mohammed yet?)
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