5 Reasons Cats Are Inferior to Dogs in Every Way

Pajamas Media ^ | 02/25/2013 | John Hawkins

[SeekAndFind]

Are cats really the Honey Boo Boo of the animal world? No, Honey Boo Boo is the Honey Boo Boo of the animal world, while cats are more like the Lindsay Lohan of the animal world — difficult, unpredictable, hard to like, and probably high on catnip. Oh, cats look cute when they’re in the bobblehead kitten stage or swatting away at yarn, but as you get to know the little beasts, you start to realize that they’re merely trying to lull you into complacency so they can steal your breath after you fall asleep. An old wives’ tale? Well, is it just an old wives’ tale that if a cop beats a hippy with his nightstick then he’ll have good luck for seven years? I think not. On the other hand, dogs are superior to cats in every way and if you don’t agree, well then, good luck with your empty life without a soul.

1) Dogs are much smarter than cats.

Can you teach a cat to sit? To roll over? To come when it’s called? No, because cats are stupid. Granted, dogs are stupid, too, but they’re probably on the same level as your two year old. A cat is closer in intelligence to a geranium — if a geranium had claws and a certain feral cunning it could use to track, torment, and kill smaller plants for its own amusement. Is that what you’d want for a plant you loved? To be at the mercy of a hateful geranium? You cat people are just sick! Sick!

2) Your dog loves you. Your cat couldn’t care less if you were murdered by clowns.

You don’t have to guess whether a dog is happy to see you or not because every time you come home, he dances around the room, jumps in circles, wags his tail, and generally acts like you would if you won the lottery, gained super powers, and cured cancer all at the same time. Meanwhile, cats skulk around the house, hide from you, and like to sit out of reach, preferably somewhere in the kitchen where their fur can fall in your food. Ironically, the general indifference of cats is what makes them charming to some people. “Ooooh, I know I’m just about to win kitty over with this bowl of milk, his favorite toy, and a scratching post and….kitty, no, don’t pee on that, kitty, no! Oooh, I have to try harder to get kitty to like me!”

3) Dogs are better pets.

Dogs have spent thousands of years earning the title “man’s best friend” while cats spent that time perfecting the art of spitting up hairballs. Your dog would rather sleep outside on the ground with you than inside a warm, comfortable house. Your cat is kind of hoping you’ll die so he can eat you. Dogs use the bathroom outside. Cats stink up your house by insisting on using a litter box. Dogs are renowned for their loyalty. Cats are mainly known for murdering small animals and dropping them in front of their owners in an attempt to horrify and intimidate them. The very fact that dogs chase cats is actually proof that they’re concerned about the welfare of human beings and are trying to stop them from getting cat cooties.

4) Dogs are happy and fun while cats are generally annoying.

Sure, cats are cute when they play with toys, but so are dogs. Of course, dogs also don’t generally scatter the contents of their litter box across the floor, scratch you until they draw blood for random reasons, and generally get in the way of whatever you’re doing. On the other hand, you pick up a paper and the cat lies on it. Try to go to sleep and the cat walks on your face. Walk down the stairs and the cat runs between your legs. Dogs want to be your pal, while your cat will only tolerate you because you feed it and because secretly, it wants to work with a coven of other felines to turn you into a crazy cat lady.

5) Cats would murder you if they could.

Dogs are friendly animals that view human beings not so much as their servants or masters, but as part of their pack. They love and accept people as their friends, their equals, and their brothers in the animal kingdom. On the other hand, cat lovers should be honest enough to admit the truth: Your cat would eat you and everyone you love if it could. Worse yet, it would toy with you, enjoying your suffering and fear — as it bats you around with its claws before it grows tired of your mournful cries and engineers your grisly demise with its razor-sharp teeth. Remember that the next time you are giving your little snoogums a kiss before night night.

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Related at PJ Lifestyle from John Hawkins:

5 Things My Dogs Taught Me About Human Beings

[AppyPappy]

People are rarely mauled to death by a cat.
Lawsuits about cat behavior are rare.

[don-o]

for later.
signed,
The Dog

[Ultra Sonic 007]

[MarkL]

When I was twelve, during the night a stray cat came in through an open window. I was startled awake with his mouth over my nose.

You must have had sleep apnea, and a passing stray heard your distress, so he came and gave you mouth to mouth resuscitation. You owe your life to that cat!

Mark

[Slings and Arrows]

Stolen for future use.

[Alaska Wolf]

Not my dog. Not interested in sticks, frisbees, birds or four legged critters. He likes the comforts of home.

[SeekAndFind]

You must be a master of cat behavior... :)

[Paisan]

When the car came into sight, he would start meowing...

My Siamese cats always did this too. They could hear the sound of my VW from more than 2 blocks away and be waiting at the door. Loyalty far beyond any dog - or human. AND, they could ALL be taught to fetch and retrieve. It was difficult when one wanted to toss something in the waste basket. The item would usually be caught, mid-air, and returned to the throw-ee. Also, with their vocallization talents, excellent for security.

[Carriage Hill]

And the scars to prove it. LOL.

58 of 63 yrs with ‘em; loved them all, and they, me. Now at 63, with Parents, Family, the Farm Business Friends, cutomers dying, the losses are just too hard to take.

I’m going solo for a while, but if a helpless/needful kitten shows-up on my front door, I’m back in for s/he, all over again. Count on it.

[TheOldLady]

Thanks for the ping, my friend. My cats hear me drive into the garage and wait at the door for pets when I come home.

I am the feeder. [smiles]

[SaraJohnson]

My son swears that our fat cat would eat any one of us if she could figure out how to manage it.

[S.O.S121.500]

My Corgi eats my cat’s poo. Even when kitty-litter encrusted.
`````````````
Nutritional issue...it can be stopped at the feed bowl/treat sack.

[CatherineofAragon]

LOL! That’s amazing. I’ve never had a Siamese, but I know about their vocalization and their ability to be trained. I bet they were beautiful. :)

[momto6]

In our house it is called kitty-roca.

[Twinkie]

Brutus says kiss her little kitty patoot!! - This article reeks with anti-kittyism and doggie favoritism!

[Zionist Conspirator]

Beautiful.

I've always resented the "cats are cold and aloof" line. Where in the world did that come from?

I've had cats that followed me around, cats that jumped on my lap every time I sat down, and cats that came whenever I called.

They are harmless, beautiful, benevolent creatures and the very best friends. As are dogs.

I love them both, but I wish people would stop the "dogs are warm and loving/cats are cold and unfeeling" line.

[murrie]

Well I hope a needful feline finds its way to your door. They can bring so much “happy” to a home. Lord knows mine have. Best wishes.

[Slings and Arrows]

Mine greet me at the door and demand belly rubs and head skritchies. Opposable thumbs rock!

[Nik Naym]

“I’ve always allowed friendly dogs to lick my face. Now it’s good to know there is health benefit as well.”

Dogs eat other animals excrement.

I don’t care what their saliva kills, they eat crap and I don’t want a crap eating moon-barker licking my face.

[Nik Naym]

“No it is not an old wives tale. When I was twelve, during the night a stray cat came in through an open window. I was startled awake with his mouth over my nose. “

Aw jeez....

He wasn’t stealing your breath.

He was biting your nose.