Posted on 07/05/2013 10:45:56 AM PDT by nickcarraway
It's that age-old dilemma: you've started dating a man, things are going pretty well - but you want to change some aspects of his style and personality. Is it ever possible or the right thing to do?
What are your relationship deal breakers? The news that your perfect man doesn’t ever want to get married or have children? The fact that he has a monster coke habit and gets a bit mean and aggressive when he’s drunk?
Or maybe you sweat the smaller stuff – after all, a terrible haircut, a bad slip-on shoe or some errant nose hair are all indicative of poor personal grooming habits and bad taste, and you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with someone who fundamentally has horrible taste, do you?
FYI, I fall into the latter category – I’ve been known to chuck men for wearing bad traveller’s beads, Speedo-style underpants rather than boxer shorts, and those bloody red trousers. Some things you just can’t un-see.
But according to some of my friends, I’m a fool, rejecting perfectly good men just because they think it’s acceptable to wear beads with a suit. After all, they argue, these are the sort of little things you can change over time. You can slowly introduce a skincare routine. After the 12-month mark you can start to develop an opinion on their hair cut, and after a few years you can take over buying their clothes completely.
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
you’ve met my ex wife?
I was married and tamed once, which ended coming up on two decades ago.
I’ve since gone feral, no chance in heck of ever being housebroken again.
This is exactly what happened to me this spring.
Wife lost 20 pounds.
I threw my back out and she has to mow the yard.
That was the case with my husband's brother. His EX-wife used to run him down in the presence of his own family. I will never treat my husband that way; he's my blessing. And I should say he treats me like a queen in return.
Maybe these people should try actually getting to know the other person, and WELL, before marrying.
Honestly, I took over buying my husband’s clothing and putting work outfits together for him as soon as we were married.
He’s color blind and it makes his life easier to just grab an outfit that someone who can see colors has paired up for him.
(I seem to remember reading somewhere that Ronald Reagan was colorblind and that Nancy had to select his clothes for him too)
I also try to get him to eat more vegetables so he’ll be healthy and we can be together longer.
Then hit the road and do both of you a favor. Because there are two possibilities:
1. Things like "horrible taste" are important barriers to a solid relationship with this guy, which means you were a fool to ever enter into a serious relationship with him in the first place;
2. You care enough about him that his lack of "taste" is surmountable. You might even be humble enough to admit that it might be YOUR taste that is in question.
But to stick around with the mission of "improving" a man will just make both of you miserable.
depends...
lol
My husband won’t spend money on clothes and he needs to look professional for work, but those clothes must be washable. I shop the sales at the better consignment stores for both of us. That way, when he wears the wonderful, originally expensive sweater to play with the dog or clean the wood stove, I don’t mind because it cost $4 on sale.
He has gone from complaining about “big honking salads” (that limit his intake of the rest of dinner)to admitting that he missed them while camping. I simply make salad 15 minutes before dinner is ready. He then eats the good stuff, doesn’t sit there chomping down nuts and still enjoys the rest of the meal. We eat a lot of stir fry or pasta salad that allows me to incorporate veggies in a tasty way. His weight is normal and he looks amazing for his age.
He is a good man and into the male things that allow us to save on all sorts of maintenance, while having a sweet side. If he wants to spend a day shooting things up or his evenings playing rock & roll or watching a shoot-’em-up or even only get a haircut every two months because he likes his hair longish...so what? It is his life, after all. I wouldn’t dream of telling him (or anyone) what sort of undies to wear.
Also, I would never go on about any of his more negative traits on a public board. When I reach perfection, then maybe, but if I were perfect, then I definitely wouldn’t dish on him in front of others.
How perfect are all those picky women?
We’ve been together for 39 years, so far.
notice the theme of the article is not “can a man ever change a woman”; which I believe is a theme that most people cannot imagine being voiced much
my view is that difference stems from an intrinsic difference between men and women - (a)men (generally) do not try to change their girlfriend/wife: (b)a woman wants most of all “to be understood and thinks she is not understood - over analysis, over-extending need for discussion; (c)while a man wants most of all just to be accepted, as he is, period.
why would a woman be trying to change her man anyway?
maybe she neither understands him (he does not communicate in the way women do - action; his, yours, everyones is his way of communicating and understanding what others are communicating; not long analytical discussions - nor does she accept him just as he is
if she is not like that, she is not only loved by her boyfriend/husband she is totally appreciated and cherished by him
Single men look at women as a finished product.
Single women look at men as raw material.
Ask Lorena Bobbitt
“... I’ve since gone feral, no chance in heck of ever being housebroken again”.
LOL!!! So now that you are single... you pee all over your house?! (just teasing ‘ya)
Women have the ability to profoundly influence their husbands for their good or to their detriment. Men really need to be careful who they marry.
Yes. See: John and Lorena Bobbitt
I will say that my wife changed me! I now get guilt-free, frequent sex.
All a girl has to do to change a boy after they marry is to have that first child, then everything changes and if they truly care for one another they become women and men
Second that.
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