Posted on 07/26/2013 5:52:24 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
The conductor of the train was Howee Fastcanigo
Barack Obama and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men retired for the night and fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto woke the president and said, “Kemo bro, look towards sky, what you see?”
Obama replied, “I see millions of stars.”
“What that tell you?”, asked Tonto.
Obama pondered for a minute then said, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, Mother Nature is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What’s it tell you, Tonto?”
Tonto says, “Obama, you dumber than steaming buffalo chip. It mean somebody stole the tent.”
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, ‘Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?’
The blonde said it was hers.
‘Your dog seems to be in heat,’ the officer said. The blonde replied, ‘No way. She’s cool ‘cause she’s tied up under that shade tree.’ The policeman said, ‘No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred. ‘No way,’ said the blonde. ‘My dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ‘cause I fed her this morning.’
The exasperated policeman said, ‘NO! You don’t understand. Your dog wants to have sex!’
The blonde looked at the cop and said, ‘Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.’
Too Funny
During a lady’s medical examination, the doctor says,
“Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
The lady starts taking off her clothes but is interrupted by the doctor.
“No! No! Don’t remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!”
Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Those who steal trains must have a loco-motive.
The railway had a safety problem, but tried to cover its tracks.
If you drive a train, you can’t afford to lose track.
On the old trains the engineer had a lot of esteem.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
A woman took a baby in to the doctor for an annual checkup, the doctor examined the baby and remarked he appeared healthy and in good shape, then he asked “is the baby breastfed?” The woman replied “yes”. The doctor’s attention turned to the woman with concern and he asked her to remove her blouse and bra. He examined her breasts squeezing, kneading, and massaging all areas, he replied “your breasts are dry, how could that baby be breast fed?” The woman replied “oh, I’m the baby’s grandmother, but I sure am glad I brought him in today!”
I got that in an email this week.
I figured it was going to come out eventually.
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