Skip to comments.9 Things Cats Know but Won't Tell You
Posted on 12/22/2013 4:10:27 PM PST by boatbums
Most dog owners come into the veterinary office with their canine companions devotedly following them. Tails wagging, the dogs look up at their people with adoring eyes. Most cat owners, on the other hand, wrestle a cardboard box into the exam room, reach in like a magician and pull out not a rabbit, but an angry feline. For their efforts they get covered with furry shrapnel and sometimes raked with claws until their face and arms look like so many tic-tac-toe games. (It doesn't have to be like that, by the way.)
As a lifetime pet lover and practicing veterinarian of more than 30 years, I've noticed a few things about cats. And so for all you cat owners, here's the Secret Code of Cat Behavior (or What Cats Know but Won't Tell You).
Strategically place your hairball. If you have to hack up a hairball, toss it like a trophy onto something visible and valuable, like the new leather couch. If you can't reach that in time, an Oriental rug is an appropriate substitute.
Know the enemy and embrace him. If mom is entertaining, determine quickly who hates or is allergic to cats, race immediately to that person and leap into his or her lap. Mom's watching, so he won't dare push you off and will even fake affection by stroking you and repeating, "Nice kitty. Niiiice kitty."
Wear fur proudly. You must always select clothing in sharp contrast to your own fur color on which to rub, leap or audition for the president of the Hair Club for Cats. Again, dare to share.
Be Johnnie on the Spot. As a courtesy, always accompany guests to the toilet. Your job is to sit and stare like you're a peeping-tom cat.
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For your kitteh ping list!
Cardboard boxes? These “owners” must really hate their cats then.
I call them barf magnets. The kittehs invariably toss their hairballs onto these rugs with great accuracy and consistency.
I tell her just roll the damn things up and solve the problem.
I like the party at 2 am thing. That’s why our cat Bob sleeps in the basement (it’s fully finished and furnished and he wants to be there so no complaints. But I bought a onesie for my new great niece. It says on the front “Party at my crib - 2:00 a.m. BYOB.”
—’WE REALLY TASTE GOOD FRICKASEED....
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour $
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon Kitty seasoning
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Combine first 5 ingredients in a large zip-top plastic bag. Add kitty; toss well to coat. Melt butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Sauté 5 minutes or until browned. Remove from pan; keep warm.
I was at my niece’s home for a party and her cat jumped up beside me. He looked at me and said, “If I was bigger I would eat you.” I replied, “Fat chance you’re getting a Dorito with talk like that.”
FREE Philippine kittens, ready to wean in a week or two. I have too many cats as it is. You pay shipping, hahaha.
Give some to Ann Coulter, who is desperately in need of a meal.
What kind of cat?
He looks part Maine Coon, part Bengal.
Pawsome, as usual. Fangs, S&A!
(I could relate to all of it!)
Every now and then, we get both of our Maine Coon tabby kittehs rocketing across the bed around 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning. Usually one in hot pursuit of the other for some imagined insult to kitteh dignity.
(That’s a lot of cat to have trampling your kidneys at that time of night)