Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

9 Things Cats Know but Won't Tell You
vetstreet.com ^ | 12/22/2013 | Dr. Marty Becker

Posted on 12/22/2013 4:10:27 PM PST by boatbums

Most dog owners come into the veterinary office with their canine companions devotedly following them. Tails wagging, the dogs look up at their people with adoring eyes. Most cat owners, on the other hand, wrestle a cardboard box into the exam room, reach in like a magician and pull out not a rabbit, but an angry feline. For their efforts they get covered with furry shrapnel and sometimes raked with claws until their face and arms look like so many tic-tac-toe games. (It doesn't have to be like that, by the way.)

As a lifetime pet lover and practicing veterinarian of more than 30 years, I've noticed a few things about cats. And so for all you cat owners, here's the Secret Code of Cat Behavior (or What Cats Know but Won't Tell You).

•Strategically place your hairball. If you have to hack up a hairball, toss it like a trophy onto something visible and valuable, like the new leather couch. If you can't reach that in time, an Oriental rug is an appropriate substitute.

•Know the enemy and embrace him. If mom is entertaining, determine quickly who hates or is allergic to cats, race immediately to that person and leap into his or her lap. Mom's watching, so he won't dare push you off and will even fake affection by stroking you and repeating, "Nice kitty. Niiiice kitty."

•Wear fur proudly. You must always select clothing in sharp contrast to your own fur color on which to rub, leap or audition for the president of the Hair Club for Cats. Again, dare to share.

•Be Johnnie on the Spot. As a courtesy, always accompany guests to the toilet. Your job is to sit and stare like you're a peeping-tom cat.

(Excerpt) Read more at shine.yahoo.com ...


TOPICS: Humor; Pets/Animals
KEYWORDS: cats; kittehs; kittyping
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-60 next last
This vet REALLY knows kittehs!
1 posted on 12/22/2013 4:10:27 PM PST by boatbums
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Slings and Arrows

For your kitteh ping list!


2 posted on 12/22/2013 4:10:50 PM PST by boatbums (God is ready to assume full responsibility for the life wholly yielded to Him.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Comment #3 Removed by Moderator

To: boatbums

Cardboard boxes? These “owners” must really hate their cats then.


4 posted on 12/22/2013 4:14:08 PM PST by Olog-hai
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: boatbums; Slings and Arrows; Glenn; republicangel; Beaker; BADROTOFINGER; etabeta; asgardshill; ...

5 posted on 12/22/2013 4:14:25 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: boatbums

bttt


6 posted on 12/22/2013 4:14:45 PM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: boatbums
We have all tile floors. Wife likes small rugs in various places for some sort of decorating purpose.

I call them barf magnets. The kittehs invariably toss their hairballs onto these rugs with great accuracy and consistency.

I tell her just roll the damn things up and solve the problem.

7 posted on 12/22/2013 4:24:24 PM PST by doorgunner69
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: boatbums

I like the party at 2 am thing. That’s why our cat Bob sleeps in the basement (it’s fully finished and furnished and he wants to be there so no complaints. But I bought a onesie for my new great niece. It says on the front “Party at my crib - 2:00 a.m. BYOB.”


8 posted on 12/22/2013 4:25:38 PM PST by Mercat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: boatbums

—’WE REALLY TASTE GOOD FRICKASEED....

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour $
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon Kitty seasoning
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Combine first 5 ingredients in a large zip-top plastic bag. Add kitty; toss well to coat. Melt butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Sauté 5 minutes or until browned. Remove from pan; keep warm.


9 posted on 12/22/2013 4:28:27 PM PST by jimsin
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: boatbums

I was at my niece’s home for a party and her cat jumped up beside me. He looked at me and said, “If I was bigger I would eat you.” I replied, “Fat chance you’re getting a Dorito with talk like that.”


10 posted on 12/22/2013 4:29:41 PM PST by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Slings and Arrows; All

FREE Philippine kittens, ready to wean in a week or two. I have too many cats as it is. You pay shipping, hahaha.


11 posted on 12/22/2013 4:33:39 PM PST by AlexW
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: jimsin

You forgot:

Give some to Ann Coulter, who is desperately in need of a meal.


12 posted on 12/22/2013 4:40:04 PM PST by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males----the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization.))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: boatbums
 photo DSC01910_zpsd2666624.jpg
13 posted on 12/22/2013 4:49:38 PM PST by SWAMPSNIPER (The Second Amendment, a Matter of Fact, Not a Matter of Opinion)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SWAMPSNIPER

What kind of cat?


14 posted on 12/22/2013 4:57:06 PM PST by Perdogg (Ted Cruz-Rand Paul 2016)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Perdogg

All American!!


15 posted on 12/22/2013 5:02:30 PM PST by SWAMPSNIPER (The Second Amendment, a Matter of Fact, Not a Matter of Opinion)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: SWAMPSNIPER

He looks part Maine Coon, part Bengal.


16 posted on 12/22/2013 5:05:44 PM PST by Perdogg (Ted Cruz-Rand Paul 2016)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: Slings and Arrows

Pawsome, as usual. Fangs, S&A!

(I could relate to all of it!)


17 posted on 12/22/2013 5:05:54 PM PST by Monkey Face (Duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can sure muffle the sound!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Mercat

Every now and then, we get both of our Maine Coon tabby kittehs rocketing across the bed around 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning. Usually one in hot pursuit of the other for some imagined insult to kitteh dignity.

Rowr!

(That’s a lot of cat to have trampling your kidneys at that time of night)


18 posted on 12/22/2013 5:18:29 PM PST by Noumenon (Resistance. Restoration. Retribution.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Berosus; bigheadfred; Bockscar; cardinal4; ColdOne; ...

thanks boatbums.
Leah Richard (La Jara,CO) posted this on Aug 14, 2013 at 2:12pm

19 posted on 12/22/2013 5:20:17 PM PST by SunkenCiv (http://www.freerepublic.com/~mestamachine/)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: boatbums

20 posted on 12/22/2013 5:22:07 PM PST by dfwgator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: boatbums

Clear the desk. One of our cats will climb on the desk as soon as you are done working and knock every pen, pencil, paper, scissors, etc. on the floor, then lay on the desk calendar and go to sleep.


21 posted on 12/22/2013 5:29:18 PM PST by Hugin
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: AlexW

The Hospital I worked at in the 80’s sent a team to the Philippines to do charity surgery. This group would remove thyroid cancers all day and they would collect the tumors in a bucket. At the end of the day someone would toss the bucket out of a window and feral cats would rush in to eat them.


22 posted on 12/22/2013 5:29:24 PM PST by outofsalt (If history teaches us anything it's that history rarely teaches us anything.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: SWAMPSNIPER; Yaelle; CatOwner; LucyT

Looks like your cat in the photo is taking a catnap sitting up.


23 posted on 12/22/2013 5:36:54 PM PST by justiceseeker93
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: outofsalt

“At the end of the day someone would toss the bucket out of a window and feral cats would rush in to eat them.”
____________________________________
YUKKKK ! My cats are well fed with scraps and with “Woofy”
kibbles that comes in an 8kg bucket. I also feed two dogs.


24 posted on 12/22/2013 5:37:53 PM PST by AlexW
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: CatherineofAragon
'You forgot: Give some to Ann Coulter, who is desperately in need of a meal.'

WELL I DON'T THINK SO, CATHERINE OF SILLY...ANN'S FIRST CLASS MIND ENABLED HER TO WRITE 10 BEST SELLERS...THEREFORE SHE'S WORTH MILLIONS...SO I'M GUESSIN SHE DINES ON PORTER-HOUSE STEAK AND LOBSTER BISQUE...(THAT'S SOUP, SMALL GRASSHOPPER) WHATEVER SHE'S EATIN' I HOPE SHE CONTINUES BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T BECOME BETTER LOOKIN'. SHINE UP YER SPECKS, YOUNG LADY HERE'S A SUPER ABUNDANCE OF BOTH BEAUTY AND BRAINS...GET READY...NOW...




25 posted on 12/22/2013 5:38:40 PM PST by jimsin
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: outofsalt
At the end of the day someone would toss the bucket out of a window and feral cats would rush in to eat them.

Well... that's certainly one way to keep down rising health care costs.

26 posted on 12/22/2013 5:39:13 PM PST by UCANSEE2 (I forgot what my tagline was supposed to say)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: dfwgator

Is that a mother cat taking care of her kitten by any chance?


27 posted on 12/22/2013 5:40:06 PM PST by justiceseeker93
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: boatbums

only cat i ever liked was one that behaved like a friendly dog. miss my buddy alex. think i loved him more than his owner did.


28 posted on 12/22/2013 5:41:37 PM PST by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; Not averse to Going Bronson.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: AlexW
'FREE Philippine kittens, ready to wean in a week or two. I have too many cats as it is. You pay shipping, hahaha.'

JUST SEND 'EM TO ME ON CONSIGNMENT A/W..I'LL FRICKESEE 'EM AND SELL THE MEALS AT THE CLOSEST LUNCH COUNTER. I'LL SEND YOU THE SHIPPING COST OUT OF UNIT SALES.... THAT'S REAL CAPITALISM SON...LARGE AND IN CHARGE...



MERRY CHRISTMAS....

29 posted on 12/22/2013 5:46:37 PM PST by jimsin
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: jimsin
Sammy takes umbrage a your recipe........

Sammy photo Sammy3-1.jpg

30 posted on 12/22/2013 5:51:21 PM PST by Sarajevo
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: SWAMPSNIPER

So beautiful!


31 posted on 12/22/2013 5:51:42 PM PST by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males----the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization.))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: boatbums; Slings and Arrows; CatOwner; LucyT; Yaelle; dfwgator
I realize that this article is written tongue in cheek, but the veterinarian who wrote it isn't exactly promoting cat ownership or adoption.

Although I personally haven't owned a cat in many years, I don't think that all the annoying and irritating cat behavior mentioned in the article is beyond human control. Cats, from what I observe, are trainable by humans to a significant extent, as evidenced, for example, by their roles in films. There is an "animal psychologist" with a nationally syndicated radio show named Warren Eckstein, who wrote a book quite a number of years back called "How to Get Your Cat to Do What You Want." It might be useful for distressed cat owners to call in his show and/or consult his book.

32 posted on 12/22/2013 5:56:42 PM PST by justiceseeker93
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: boatbums

A bunch of kitties were losing on the football field today. Again. They call themselves Detroit Lions.


33 posted on 12/22/2013 6:01:43 PM PST by Darren McCarty (Abortion - legalized murder for convenience)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jimsin

“JUST SEND ‘EM TO ME ON CONSIGNMENT A/W..I’LL FRICKESEE ‘EM “
____________________________________________
Creepo :P


34 posted on 12/22/2013 6:02:06 PM PST by AlexW
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 29 | View Replies]

To: jimsin

May the Viking Kitties disembowel you, and feed you to the DUmmies. haha. That is my Christmas wish for you...Meowee Christmas.


35 posted on 12/22/2013 6:10:03 PM PST by AlexW
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 29 | View Replies]

To: boatbums
I'm very fond of cats and have two of them. However, there is this about the difference between cats and dogs. If I had a dog, and I were to drop dead in the house, the dog would stand guard over my body until someone came to relieve him. My cats, on the other had, would start gnawing on my corpse as soon as they ran out of other food. They don't have the loyalty that a dog has.
36 posted on 12/22/2013 6:16:59 PM PST by JoeFromSidney ( book, RESISTANCE TO TYRANNY, available from Amazon.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: doorgunner69
Mine also puke on the decorative scatter rugs.
37 posted on 12/22/2013 6:21:23 PM PST by angcat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: AlexW
'May the Viking Kitties disembowel you, and feed you to the DUmmies. haha. That is my Christmas wish for you...Meowee Christmas.'

WELL I DONT KNOW WHAT VIKNG. KITS. ARE BUT FROM THE WAY YOU TALK HERE THEY SEEM BURDENSOME..... I HOPE THEREFORE TO AVOID BOTH THE DUMMIES AND THE KITTIES NOW AND IN THE FUTURE OF NOW....AND JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE IM GOIN TO BED EARLY WITH MY SHOOTIN IRON ON THE NIGHT STAND... AND I WISH YOU A MERRY MERRY KITMAS AS WELL...YOUNG MAN AND ALL NEAR YOUR HOMESTEAD....WHEREVER IT MAY BE....AT ALL..


38 posted on 12/22/2013 6:25:57 PM PST by jimsin
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 35 | View Replies]

To: dfwgator

LOL..and How bout them Eagles!!


39 posted on 12/22/2013 6:47:16 PM PST by deweyfrank
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: JoeFromSidney
Yeah, but we love our kittehs so much we wouldn't WANT them to starve to death. I won't be needing my body anymore if I'm dead so I willfully let them have me. ;o)
40 posted on 12/22/2013 7:10:13 PM PST by boatbums (God is ready to assume full responsibility for the life wholly yielded to Him.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 36 | View Replies]

To: jimsin

‘Fraid our Beaux would need a LOT longer than 5 minutes. ;o)


41 posted on 12/22/2013 7:12:24 PM PST by boatbums (God is ready to assume full responsibility for the life wholly yielded to Him.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: boatbums; Revolting cat!; Slings and Arrows; Daffynition

42 posted on 12/22/2013 7:16:40 PM PST by a fool in paradise (America 2013 - STUCK ON STUPID)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: deweyfrank

How ‘bout them PANTHERS???!!!


43 posted on 12/22/2013 7:34:22 PM PST by boatbums (God is ready to assume full responsibility for the life wholly yielded to Him.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 39 | View Replies]

To: boatbums
They are playing well indeed. If we end up with 3rd seed, we might play Panthers in playoffs. E A G L E S...Eagles!!!
44 posted on 12/22/2013 7:41:53 PM PST by deweyfrank
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]

To: Noumenon

I got a Maine Coon and took her recently to a new vet, told him I needed to be in the room with her as she aint much for fecal exams. He said he could handle her with a smirk. Thru the door I heard a loud series of hisses and growls followed by excited human voices. Shortly after the now much more humble vet appeared and wanted to know if he could sedate her, I said no, she is an older cat and might not live thru it. I asked what do you think of her condition? He said she is beautiful, her lungs seem fine, and her teeth are excellent as he had gotten some close views.

Taking her for checkup tomorrow to my new vet. Will report if it is more successful.

Merry Christmas!


45 posted on 12/22/2013 7:56:08 PM PST by Foundahardheadedwoman (God don't have a statute of limitations)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: boatbums

Sounds to me like they’re talking about a pampered house cat. My fat black street cat came home the other day with a bad cough. He has short hair, and has never had a hairball in his life. But when he came inside he started coughing and laying around the house like a beanbag. He’s been my best friend since I was 11 years old and he was a kitten, so I was worried. So I stuffed him into a cat carrier and drove him to the vet. And he was really pissed off about it. He hissed and yowled, and started shedding his fur in a way that I’d never seen before. But the vet was a nice lady with lots of experience with cats. She said he had something called “kennel cough”, which is kinda weird since he’s never been in a kennel in his life. She kept him overnight, gave him some shots, and charged me 200 dollars for some cat medicine. And she said “keep him inside for at least a week”. So I bought a litter box and put it in the laundry room, and Gremlin is a very unhappy cat today because he can’t go outside. And Wolfie Dog is laughing at him.


46 posted on 12/22/2013 8:47:35 PM PST by jespasinthru (Proud member of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Foundahardheadedwoman

Good luck with your Coonish girl - hope it goes well. And a very merry Christmas to you as well.


47 posted on 12/22/2013 9:03:25 PM PST by Noumenon (Resistance. Restoration. Retribution.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 45 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Mew’re welcome.


48 posted on 12/22/2013 9:32:05 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

Love those little calico girls!


49 posted on 12/22/2013 9:40:28 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 42 | View Replies]

To: jimsin; CatherineofAragon
I am with Catherine on this one... I mean, look at this picture:

I mean... her legs are just like paper towel tubes...

please, Ann... you are tall and lovely... intelligent, well-spoken, attractive and respectable patriotic woman with the right set of values... but please... put on some weight.

50 posted on 12/22/2013 9:42:44 PM PST by Rodamala
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 25 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-60 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson