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What Are the Best Excuses for Being Late to Work?
NJ1015.com ^ | February 26, 2014 9:00 PM | Steve Trevelise

Posted on 02/27/2014 7:21:52 AM PST by Focault's Pendulum

A new national survey by Careerbuilder,com puts traffic on top with 39 per cent of those surveyed. There’s nothing like that helpless feeling of sitting in traffic knowing you’re going to be late for work. Next up, lack of sleep at 19 per cent, followed by problems with bad trabsportation at 8 per cent. 7 per cent blame the weather, 6 percent are late due to dropping children at daycare or school and fifteen per cent of employees of employees admit to arriving late for work at least once a week.

But there are other more unusual excuses like…

(Excerpt) Read more at nj1015.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Humor; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: employment; excuses; work
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1 posted on 02/27/2014 7:21:52 AM PST by Focault's Pendulum
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To: Focault's Pendulum

“Diarrhea”. Not another word will be said.


2 posted on 02/27/2014 7:26:16 AM PST by albie
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To: albie

You’re correct ... I have first hand knowledge.


3 posted on 02/27/2014 7:27:58 AM PST by knarf (I say things that are true .. I have no proof .. but they're true.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Who hasn’t a “dead battery”? You can’t use this one very often, but it’s always worked for me.


4 posted on 02/27/2014 7:28:45 AM PST by Slump Tester (What if I'm pregnant Teddy? Errr-ahh -Calm down Mary Jo, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Long ago when Imus was doing his original show in NYC, he had a contract dispute with the station. He found that while his show as number one in NYC, John Gambling on another station was earning more than he was while Gambling was third in popularity. He had a no strike clause. So, he went on a work slow down. First day he was an hour late and announced he was delayed as the Japanese took the bridge ahead. Second day he was an hour late he said he did not want to break the turtle parade on the LIE. He got his raise. The perfect excuses and ones that got him his raise!


5 posted on 02/27/2014 7:29:10 AM PST by Mouton (The insurrection laws perpetuate what we have for a government now.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Millennials in the Workplace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz0o9clVQu8


6 posted on 02/27/2014 7:29:14 AM PST by 2ndDivisionVet (I will raise $2M for Sarah Palin's next run, what will you do?)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

“My gun jammed.”


7 posted on 02/27/2014 7:29:40 AM PST by thesharkboy (posting without reading the article since 1998)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Just show up with donuts.


8 posted on 02/27/2014 7:30:26 AM PST by Ray76 (How modern liberals think: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaE98w1KZ-c)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

There is no good excuse for being late.

Ever.

Be on time.


9 posted on 02/27/2014 7:30:35 AM PST by Cringing Negativism Network ( http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/balance/c5700.html#2013)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

A cable snapped and I could not get my garage door open
(actually happened to me once)


10 posted on 02/27/2014 7:30:59 AM PST by Buckeye McFrog
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To: albie

>> “Diarrhea”. Not another word will be said.

unless you happen to work for a gastroenterologist.


11 posted on 02/27/2014 7:31:27 AM PST by Nervous Tick (Without GOD, men get what they deserve.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum
What’s the wildest excuse you’ve ever given?

I thought I was laid off today.

I was starting to set up my "Poet's Galley" in the spare bedroom, next to where I was preparing to spend the whole day tucking my kid into bed. Being 25, he was a little PO'ed about that. So was his chick.

Then my boss called and said, "WTF are you? Get your %@#* fanny in here!" My career in poetry and tucking kids into bed, ruined.

12 posted on 02/27/2014 7:32:06 AM PST by Cyber Liberty (H.L. Mencken: "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.")
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To: albie
"“Diarrhea”. Not another word will be said."

That's the big one to save for not coming in at all. Throw in "I'm vomiting", and "I really don't think it's food poisoning", and you're home free!

13 posted on 02/27/2014 7:33:10 AM PST by Slump Tester (What if I'm pregnant Teddy? Errr-ahh -Calm down Mary Jo, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

most recently, my niece took off with my car keys... i had to wait till she got out of her morning class... she didn’t check her messages till she got to her office (work)... then she had to drive back to the house to bring me the keys... i was about 75 minutes late... it was no biggie as far as my employers were concerned... i love working for my young, Southern gentlemen attorney employers (they are brothers)...


14 posted on 02/27/2014 7:34:57 AM PST by latina4dubya (when i have money i buy books... if i have anything left, i buy 6-inch heels and a bottle of wine...)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Learn how to puke on cue...


15 posted on 02/27/2014 7:37:59 AM PST by Sacajaweau
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To: Focault's Pendulum
My excuses, in order of frequency of use.
  1. "I had to dispose of the body."

  2. "Aliens."

  3. "I had to make sure you were out of the house before I slept with your wife, didn't I?"

  4. "Witches."

  5. "I was mobbed by Machine-Gun-Toting Robot Cowboy Turtles."

16 posted on 02/27/2014 7:38:39 AM PST by Lazamataz (Early 2009 to 7/21/2013 - RIP my little girl Cathy. You were the best cat ever. You will be missed.)
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To: Cringing Negativism Network

Well, here is upstate NY...snow storms regulate our clocks.


17 posted on 02/27/2014 7:39:00 AM PST by Sacajaweau
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To: Focault's Pendulum

TRAFFIC is overused.


18 posted on 02/27/2014 7:40:12 AM PST by SeekAndFind
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To: Focault's Pendulum

“trabsportation”

Really?


19 posted on 02/27/2014 7:40:51 AM PST by Slambat
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To: Focault's Pendulum

I start an hour before everyone else, so I never have to come up with an excuse.


20 posted on 02/27/2014 7:44:05 AM PST by Durbin
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To: Lazamataz

I once had an employee who tried to use “the cat knocked over my alarm clock” six times in a row.

Needless to say, she eventually ended up in rehab.


21 posted on 02/27/2014 7:48:39 AM PST by Buckeye McFrog
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Around the oilfields “I met a really hot babe at the bar last night” pretty much worked every time.


22 posted on 02/27/2014 7:48:50 AM PST by IMR 4350
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To: latina4dubya

“my niece took off with my car keys”

No excuse, you should have had a spare.
Your fired.
Whats funny is when you become an employer and
you start hearing all the excuses you used to use yourself
and you know are BS. You tend to let it slide knowing that
your former boss knew the same thing and let you slide.


23 posted on 02/27/2014 7:48:59 AM PST by Slambat
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To: albie

I’ve had some woman employee tell me that she had a “urine tract infection”. It made me not ask any more, but I wonder if that’s the nature of the excuse game.


24 posted on 02/27/2014 7:49:29 AM PST by MNDude
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Don’t pay the ransom boss; I escaped.


25 posted on 02/27/2014 7:50:10 AM PST by csmusaret (Will remove Obama-Biden bumperstickers for $10)
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To: Durbin
I start an hour before everyone else, so I never have to come up with an excuse.

I start 2 hours ahead. How would they know if I'm late?

26 posted on 02/27/2014 7:52:22 AM PST by Bearshouse
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To: Focault's Pendulum

When I would to come in to work late, I would tell my boss that I’d have to leave early that day ,, as I dont want to be late twice in one day...


27 posted on 02/27/2014 7:52:49 AM PST by ▀udda▀udd
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Back when I was working construction jobs I usually showed 30 minutes before the official start time, many others did too. I can’t say ever remember anyone showing up late twice.


28 posted on 02/27/2014 7:52:57 AM PST by WinMod70
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To: IMR 4350

“pretty much worked every time.”

Of course, It’s the hope, dream and holey grail of oilfield
workers to bag a hot babe. So they let it go in the hope
that maybe someday it may actually be true.


29 posted on 02/27/2014 7:53:52 AM PST by Slambat
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To: Ray76

Just show up with donuts.”

I used to work for a guy who always told us that if we were going to be late, we’d better have a box of donuts in our hand. Pretty funny. Didn’t think about it after all these years until I read your comment.


30 posted on 02/27/2014 7:54:22 AM PST by Grams A (The Sun will rise in the East in the morning and God is still on his throne.)
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To: Lazamataz

I’ve been known to tell my boss; “I’m cramping really bad today and I’m flowing even worse.”

He always says.. “Dude. Just shut up and get in here”.

Another favorite excuse: “I have anal glaucoma. Yeah, I just can’t see my ass coming in today”.


31 posted on 02/27/2014 7:54:48 AM PST by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: MNDude

” but I wonder if that’s the nature of the excuse game.”

It is with diarrhea. Just ask albie, post #2.


32 posted on 02/27/2014 7:56:05 AM PST by Slambat
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To: Focault's Pendulum

My dog ate my Toyota.


33 posted on 02/27/2014 7:56:58 AM PST by circlecity
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To: SeekAndFind
I actually compiled a list of installer excuses on the company computer when I was managing a floor covering operation.

Some of the ones I recall

These are all actual excuses personally told to me.

I was in jail.
My helper was in jail
I had to bail out my helper
My van got repossessed.
There's a boot on one of the wheels of my van (parked in someone else's driveway)
I forgot where I parked my van last night.
Someone broke into my van last night and stole my steering wheel. I had to steer with a pair of vise grips.

And my all time favorite:

Carpet installer explaining why he was five hours late in picking up the goods.

Someone snuck into my bedroom last night and took the batteries out of my alarm clock.

34 posted on 02/27/2014 7:59:50 AM PST by Focault's Pendulum (I live in NJ....' Nuff said!)
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To: Ray76

There was this fat chick back in TV world who called a couple hours late and said she dreamed she called in.


35 posted on 02/27/2014 8:05:02 AM PST by wally_bert (There are no winners in a game of losers. I'm Tommy Joyce, welcome to the Oriental Lounge.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum
Anal Glaucoma....i.e. "I don't see my arse being there today"...

36 posted on 02/27/2014 8:10:14 AM PST by ~Vor~ (Freeper since 10/98)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Years ago at the company where I worked, employees had to check in with the time keeper whan arriving for work.
The time keeper was stationed right outside of my office. Almost no one was ever excused for an unplanned lateness no matter what the excuse / story.
One day I overheard a guy say he was hung over. He was excused because the time keeper thought that was the first honest reason she received. :)


37 posted on 02/27/2014 8:12:28 AM PST by RedMDer (May we always be happy and may our enemies always know it. - Sarah Palin, 10-18-2010)
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To: Slambat
"trabsportation"

Really?

Trabs can be difficult to carry anywhere...especially the really ornery ones.

38 posted on 02/27/2014 8:15:04 AM PST by Verginius Rufus
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To: Focault's Pendulum

“Russia has invaded Ukraine and ICBMs have been launched on both sides of the Atlantic and Pacific.”


39 posted on 02/27/2014 8:16:41 AM PST by steve86 (Some things aren't really true but you wouldn't be half surprised if they were.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum
JAKE: (pleading) No I didn't, honest! I ran out of gas! I had a flat tire!., I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault! I swear to God!

 photo JB_zpse40f2cda.jpeg

40 posted on 02/27/2014 8:22:28 AM PST by Zeneta (Thoughts in time and out of season.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

I always figured why waste an excuse to be late when you can use it to take the day off.


41 posted on 02/27/2014 8:25:46 AM PST by Starstruck (If my reply offends, you probably don't understand sarcasm or criticism...or do.)
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To: Slambat
No excuse, you should have had a spare.

ha! i am so grateful for GRACE! :)

anyway, it is not my car... it is my niece's... i live with her and her husband... (she and i are the same age)... i am kind of starting my life over, so to speak... i am 3,000 miles away from "home." my employers are so understanding... they had no problem with my going back home three times last year for a total of 5.5 weeks... they love my work... are happy to have finally found someone who can do the work with little direction, and who fits right in... it is the perfect set-up for me at this time in my life... i could not ask for a better place of employment...

42 posted on 02/27/2014 8:31:10 AM PST by latina4dubya (when i have money i buy books... if i have anything left, i buy 6-inch heels and a bottle of wine...)
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To: albie
Explosive Diarrhea

Courtesy - Jeff Foxworthy

43 posted on 02/27/2014 8:31:51 AM PST by Slyfox (When Jesus sees a momma holding her little baby, it reminds him of his own momma.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Hemerroids. Nobody goes to a doctor for hemerroids so there woudl be no note, and no employer wants to see the proof.


44 posted on 02/27/2014 8:31:52 AM PST by RightOnTheBorder
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To: Focault's Pendulum

If someone is late in getting to work, they’re just late. The “why” part of it doesn’t really matter, or change anything. If I have someone working for me that shows up late, I wouldn’t even ask them why, because does it really matter? If they are habitually late, and disrupting operations, they’ll just be terminated.


45 posted on 02/27/2014 8:36:48 AM PST by KoRn (Department of Homeland Security, Certified - "Right Wing Extremist")
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To: Focault's Pendulum

A guy called in and told me his kid swallowed a nickel.


46 posted on 02/27/2014 8:36:58 AM PST by dainbramaged (Windage and elevation, Mrs. Langdon; windage and elevation.)
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To: Lazamataz

Instead of “witches”, say “gnomes”, or whisper conspiratorially - “little people”.

They’ll leave you alone.

True story - I had a friend of a friend that wanted to go with us to the lake one weekend but couldn’t get out of work,
so - best excuse ever - told his supervisor that he was IN JAIL. He had a fun weekend.


47 posted on 02/27/2014 8:39:18 AM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: Mouton

Walmart had an older retired man working in one of their stores. Everyone liked him, he was a good worker, but he was always late. One day the manager took him aside and told him how much he was liked and what a good worker was, but he wanted to know why he was always late. He asked what they said when he was late in his old job. The retired worker replied, “Would you like some coffee General?”


48 posted on 02/27/2014 8:39:28 AM PST by billhilly
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To: Focault's Pendulum

I’m almost always the first one in anyway. I do recall calling the boss one time with “Uh, there’s a dead moose in the road.” “I know,” he replied,”I’m three cars behind you.”


49 posted on 02/27/2014 8:40:34 AM PST by Billthedrill
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To: Focault's Pendulum

Jake: No, I didn’t. Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!


50 posted on 02/27/2014 8:41:58 AM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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