I’m so sorry. Hospice is a hard thing. You are a good son.
If it is in home hospice you could tell them to take a back seat. My sister did not allow hospice to administer any morphine..she did it herself and only sparingly.
Hospice needs to be looked at as an opportunity to have increased care for the patient.Sometimes it is to help with the additional needs of a patient as they go through the death process. Sometimes it is used to provide enough care to help the patient get back to a reasonable living situation.
Your father may be getting ready to pass.....or not. But your sister needs a break and the additional care no matter why is going to be beneficial.
You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.
We all pass from this vale of tears sometime.
sent
No one is ever over medicated to ‘help’ them die. Depending on what the disease is that your father is fighting hospice protocols are to provide comfort care. That may mean additional pain management. If you want him to have a feeding tube that can be done.
Your understanding of hospice is very limited. Talk to the nurses and the doc they will help you understand
And let this be a time when you and your family decide for your own selves what kind of care you want when you are so seriously and gravely ill. Deciding during the course of an illness is way too late. Decide and get it in writing
Pray he is taken gently. You must trust the hospice process. They have seen it all. Do not project your desire on him. Help him die with dignity.
I have gone through this several times: a niece, my wife, my father and my mother. It is never easy. It is a process filled with many emotions of anger, grief and loss.
Pray to find peace.
Understand you and your siblings feelings are driven by emotions and history. Be patient.
Pray that he passes in his sleep, pain free. Pain is the great evil. Do not endure the pain.
They are generous with the pain medication but from what you are saying he is in a great deal of pain.
I just lost an uncle and a very dear friend recently. One was in Hospice care because he had decided that it was time. One was not as she wanted to live for her husband's sake and so she refused them.
They died the same week, he the day before she did.
They both were ill about the same amount of time.
Both were Christians and both knew that there was a home waiting for them in heaven.
I doubt hospice helped my uncle on his way but I do know he was more comfortable at the last then she was.
I suggest you talk to people in your area who have experience with Hospice. Their answers may help you decide what to do.
I lost my beloved girlfriend to cancer 4 years ago.
She spent the last 4 weeks of her life in hospice, and 3 of those weeks was in and out of lucidity — in the end, all we could do was give her a morphine drip to stop the pain, be present, and keep her clean.
The night before she died, I was alone with her (I was sleeping in the room with her most nights). She was not really conscious most times. I had read that with end-stage terminal people, one thing to do is to give them permission to go. So I told her how much I loved her, and held her hand, and told her it was OK to let go. And then after a while I went to the bed I was staying in.
I suddenly woke up at 4:43am and noticed I wasn’t hearing her breathing. When I went to look at her, she was gone.
When I reported that to the staff, they told me a nurse had been into visit her at 4:30am. I always think that she left and woke me up on the way out.
There’s really nothing you can do, except keep them comfortable, clean and pain-free, and let them know that you love them, and give them permission to go.
A word to you about this in a time such as this...remember its his wish that counts...it’s not about you...and he does not have much “quality” of life left from what you have said...and the loss of of friend probably sped up the process you have not done anything wrong and whatever he has chosen does not effect your moral feelings but this is not about your feelings its about his end of life choices
just rejoice an rememember the good times you had
and God’s peace go with you and your family!
Freegards
LEX
Prayers to you and your family.
I have been through this twice, but will have to do it again.
My Dad broke a hip and femur at 89. Developed pneumonia,and his healing ability was gone. They knocked the pneumonia out, but he continued to deteriorate. Was discharged to hospice and passed 12 hours later. He did not want to die in the hospital. My opinion was an overdose of morphine.
My Mom at 86 was fighting cancer and underwent chemp and radiation treatment. Really wrecked her health and left her unable to eat or drink fluids. They wanted to discharge her to hospice, but hospice can not administer IV fluids on intubate . We refused to let them starve and dehydrate her to death. Under threat of a law suit, the hosp treated her to the point she could again take fluid and food by mouth. Then she was discharged to hospice.
Pain was her biggest challenge, and hospice uses drugs that Drs will not prescribe to other patents. This helped, and allowed hefr to eat and stay hydrated. After 4 months, she “graduated” from hospice, meaning she was no longer in a life threatening situation. That was almost 3 years ago. She has started getting weaker of late, so will deal with it when we have to.
To answer you on the morphine, I felt it was a godsend for my Mom, as it saved her life. On my Dad, I think his body had already given out and he just wanted to go home. Once there, he was at peace, and without any pain due to the drugs.
There are several good articles on signs of approaching the end of life. Sorry I don’t have the links, but it is worth searching.
And DNR is part of hospice. They concentrate on comfort, not prolonging life at that point.
My grandmother was in hospice, passed at age 100. All you can do it be with hi, talk to him, and make sure he’s as comfortable as he cam be until the time comes.
It’s okay if he’s ready to go.
My father went into hospice with end stage renal disease. No more treatment was possible and was essentially filling up with fluid. They didn’t give him pain mess but did give him atropine.it eased his labored breathing enormously and may have some sedative properties. Being there with him..and your sister will bring you closer. That can be very comforting. I wish you well and send prayers for your Dad.
God Bless you and your father. Prayers up for all of you.
Went through Hospice with my B-I-L who had Cancer as well as my Mother and Aunt who both died of Organ Failure.
Hospice makes the Patient comfortable and pain free. They do nothing to “speed up” the Patient’s demise, they just don’t provide Life Extending treatment.
If the Doctor’s see no path for your Father’s recovery, Hospice Care is the right thing to do. They are trained to deal with the situation. I’m not sure what your Moral and Ethical issues are. It is all about the Patient being Pain free and receiving dignified end of Life care.
As an aside, my Father who was also 93 passed away the end of October. He had a Heart Attack after getting emergency Abdominal Surgery. Up until the last week of his Life he was perfectly fine. He survived 60 Years of Alcoholism, achieving Sobriety at age 79 and he survived Lymphoma at age 82. Full Remission after just one round of Chemo.
I figured he would make it to 100, but 93 wasn’t a bad run.
Prayers for you Father and the rest of your Family.
My mother quit eating. She lived in a retirement home in her own apartment with all her meals provided. They even would bring them to her but she just put them in the fridge and didn’t eat. She didn’t drink much either. One night she fell and managed to call 911. The doctor said her albumin level had dropped so low that he thought she only had 3 months to live. He did recommend that she go on a feeding tube. She didn’t want to. My brother insisted. She did hospice at home. I would go over twice a day and pour the “food” down the tube directly into her stomach. I also tried to get her to eat regular food but usually it was only a mouthful. She would drink Ensure.
After several months she got a little stronger and she ended up living a full year before she passed away. Her skin was very week. A small bruise would turn into a stage 4 wound. We got a cream that cost over $300 for a small tube. It was amazing though. We also had morphine. I was told to keep her on it all the time since it is easier to manage pain that way. Eventually it took more and more to manage the pain from the deterioration of her skin. I don’t know whether she died from other causes or from too much morphine. She passed peacefully and her last words were to order Jesus to open the door and let her in.
I’m sorry about your dad. I hope you find a way to keep him comfortable and close to his God. My mom, btw, pulled out the feeding tube after a couple of months.
Prayers for your father and for you and your family.
See post 2. Dad died in 2015 of pancreatic cancer. Your presence, prayers, and patience is what he needs. Talk to him. Pray with him. Prayers for you and your family.
My FR Friend you, your Father and your Family are in my Prayers. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.