Posted on 08/09/2018 3:26:18 AM PDT by sodpoodle
And now a few gems from Air Traffic Control:
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Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles ." Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet . How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."
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A DC-10 had come in a little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
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One day the pilot of a little Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a big DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
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While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. The tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking, “Wasn't I married to you once?" ==========================
PING
The one about the DC-10 and San Jose is true. A disabled friend used to listen to the chatter from the airport and overheard it. BTW American operated DC-10’s out of San Jose for years. It has relatively short runways - especially the Main.
Thanks!
An oldie:
ATC: “N123YZ, say altitude.”
N123YZ: “ALTITUDE!”
ATC: “N123YZ, say airspeed.”
N123YZ: “AIRSPEED!”
ATC: “N123YZ, say cancel IFR.”
N123YZ: “Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated.”
ping
Love this!
Bump
A pilot landed in Berlin, he asked for detailed taxi instructions. The controller asked “Have you never been to Berlin before?” Pilot responded, “Yes, many times, years ago. But it was at night, and we did not land!”
LMFAO PING
SR-71 speed check...
https://tribunist.com/technology/sr-71-blackbird-pilot-trolls-arrogant-fighter-pilot-with-ground-speed-check/
Years ago I was on a flight and must have appeared nervous, because the guy next to me asked ‘what is your favorite plane’. I have no idea why I said ‘the F16’. He smiled and handed me his F16 pin. I keep it with my jewelry;)
A C5A pilot friend of mine shared a story of when he was at either Ramstein or Frankfurt awaiting clearance.
Lufthansa pilot on clearance frequency: “ATC, Lufthansa Schwer um Freigabe.”
ATC: “Lufthansa Heavy, you must request clearance in English.”
Lufthansa: “Why? I am a German, in Germany, at a German airport. Why do I need to request clearance in English?”
ATC: “Maybe it is because they won the war.”
REALLY, REALLY OLD.........was posted decades ago......
Bookmark! As expected, the wit and sarcasm level is better in aviation!
Some FReepers post, some don’t.
Thank You, I needed that!!!
So is demonrat Vote Fraud.
Good ones!
What happened to the joke about the British Airways pilot and the Frankfurt airport tower?
Ah, there it is!
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