Posted on 01/03/2023 2:09:36 PM PST by Twotone
BEAVERTON, OR — Third-grade teacher Ms. Gaywood (she/her) became frustrated during the first day back from the holiday break when she discovered half her students had detransitioned and were no longer identifying as made-up genders.
"You were all beautiful specks of uncompromising individuality, and now you're conforming to a heteronormative, patriarchal society," a frustrated Gaywood complained to the group of children who had been fearfully and wonderfully made as unique individuals in the image of God. "What happened?"
Students who had relapsed into a toxic heteronormative lifestyle admitted they weren't sure how to act as anything other than who they were without their instructor's constant guidance. "I forgot your lesson about mansplaining," mansplained Robert Cliff, a young boy who previously identified as a powerful she-elf named Persephone. "And my older brother said I can't have babies!"
"You lied!"
Ms. Gaywood reportedly tried to ignore this setback and begin lessons on the racist history of Greek mathematicians in light of the Antebellum South, but the class became unruly and asked her to define what a woman is.
"I used to think I was a 23-year-old man but now I'm really thinking I'm a girl like my mom says," said student Sarah Harden.
Ms. Gaywood, who said she would have clutched her pearls if she was one of the stereotypical women who like jewelry, immediately complained to the school principal and contacted Child Protective Services. "These kids are being raised by their parents!"
At publishing time, CPS representatives from the Portland area had relocated the unruly children into gender-affirming foster homes.
Almost fell for it ...
i almost did too...
i love the bee... and the left is just this crazy.
LoL, you are not alone.
Oh I know how they feel...:) I thought I was a 35 year guy but it turns out I am really an over 70 guy...:)
Sometimes the bee has some good stuff...:) Oh and setting it in Beaverton, OR. is perfect...that place would have some teacher who thought like that.
Aaaaand the Bee nails it once again!
LOL... damn the BEE!!!
Ms. Gaywood?
I’ve known of morning wood but this is a new one.
The Bee hit this one out of the park!
I finished the first two paragraphs before I suspected BB shenanigans. :)
Notify the FBI!
So did I. 😅
Not our fault. Too many real stories coming out of Beaverton OR even more bizarre than this. lol
God, I started laughing . This group of people come up with the best satirical stuff! Sad this tranny garbage even makes the light of day , yet God will thrash everyone of them on his schedule for hurting these children. I could care less about this micro percentage of the population / If your over 18 you can pretend to be anything you want on your own time , Leave kids out of your demented and warped mental situation . Ten years after sang all about you in “Id love to change the world” Every where is freaks and hairies/DYKES and FAIRIES....tell me where is sanity?
They almost got me. I was just going to look for my ARTH ping list.
The Babylon Bee hits it out of the ballpark again.
I am 67 and keep trying to identify as a 30 year old, but my body and the mirror are not cooperating.
“Almost fell for it ...”
Me, too — until the kid said his name was Persephone. How many kids that age know about Persephone?
“ Ms. Gaywood”
😝 I wouldn’t be surprised
Me too. I was hot until I saw it was The Bee
Yep.
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