Posted on 03/17/2023 5:46:30 PM PDT by TBP
Why is Ireland a wealthy country?
Because its capital is always Dublin.
Why is cubic zirconium hte perfect thing for St. Patrick's Day?
Because it's a sham rock.
Why did the good Lord make the Irish drunks?
So they wouldn’t take over the world.
Didn’t leave the house today - but I did wear my shamrock earrings. I’ve waited all day to tell that joke. Irish ancestry here and believe it or not - NOT A DROP TO DRINK!
O’Leary was walking home with a sheep under each arm.
Murphy asked; “Hey O’Leary. Are you going to shear those sheep?
O’Leary replied; “I’m not. They are both for me!”
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What do you call an Irishman with 30 girlfriends?
A sheep farmer.
My parents have that sign in their kitchen.
How does an Irish girl celebrate feminism?
Erin go braless!
What’s Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O’Furniture!
May the curse of the Irish avoid ye.
Mike and Pat are in a pub & Pat’s telling Mike about another pub where for two pounds, you get a pint, a sandwich and get laid in the back. Mike looks at him and says, let me understand, for two pounds, you get a pint, a sandwich & get laid in the back? where is this pub to which Pat replied, I don’t know but me sister does.
Erin told Dermot, “Today’s our first anniversary, and I wan to make you something special for dinner—those Escargot snails your French aunt used to make you that you love so much. Now pick up a bucket of them right after work, and head STRAIGHT home—no stopping’ off at the pub with Michael, you hear?”
“I’ll do it”, says Dermot. “I’ll be straight home with the snails, no stopping off.”
Dermot gets out of work and picks up a bucket of the best snails at the snail store, when Michael sees him and hails him down.
“Say, isn’t it your first anniversary, Dermot? You must let me buy you a pint to celebrate the happy day!”
“No, Michael, I’ve got to get straight home with the snails for supper; another night, maybe?”
“Dermot, you’d insult your oldest friend in the world by not letting’ him buy you a drink on your special day?”
Needless to say, 9:30 finds Dermot stumbling around the last corner toward his house, with the bucket of snails; doesn’t his heel get caught on the curbstone, and doesn’t he tumble head over heels into the walkway, snails flying all over the lawn? As he looks up to see his beloved Erin outlined in the doorway, hands on hips, he looks around him and shouts at the snails, “Come on, boys; we’re almost there! Don’t give up on me now!!”
May God bless those that love us, and for those who don’t love us, may God turn their ankles so that we may know them by their limping.
An Irishman leaves a bar…
Hey, don’t laugh! It could happen!
A six-pack and a potato.
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An American tourist visits Belfast. He gets to talking to an Irishman in a pub.
After a while, the Irishman asks, "So are you a Catholic or a Protestant?"
The American answers, "I'm an atheist."
The Irishman considers it. Then he asks, "So are you a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist?"
St. Patrick’s Day joke.
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment...
...when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O’Connor looks around and asks, ‘Oh, me boys, someone got’s to tell Paddy’s wife.. Who will it be?’
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.
‘Discrete???
I’m the most discreet Irishmen you’ll ever meet.
Discretion is me middle name.
Leave it to me.’
Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.
Gallagher declares, ‘Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.’
‘Tell him to drop dead!’, says Murphy’s wife..
‘I’ll go tell him.’ says Gallagher.
St. Patrick's Breastplate set to Celtic Progressive rock. Absolutely blistering guitar solo.
Thank you.
I managed to get through the day and then fell going out to the garage from the kitchen. Not good for an old lady but the good Lord took time off watching the Irish drunks to protect me - my husband’s (deceased) walker was right at the step where I kept it for him to grab when stepping down from the kitchen and I managed to grab it to prevent serious injuries. It’s come in handy for me also so I’ve left it there. Got up and back inside and got ice for a nasty bruised leg that hit - I don’t know what. I’m on blood thinners so that was my first concern..
THAT can happen after watching every step I take...Played it over a lot in the night and I don’t know how it happened - a slipper was off my foot and tripped at the threshold?
Believe me a lot of prayers of thanks were said!!!
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