Posted on 04/24/2024 1:02:24 PM PDT by Navy Patriot
NEW YORK, NY — In the wake of ongoing anti-Israel protests that have engulfed the school's campus, Columbia University announced it has switched to online classes so Jewish students can participate from the attics where they are hiding.
The school's leadership met earlier in the week to discuss options that would ease tensions on campus and allow Jewish students to continue their education without leaving the safety of the attics where they have been forced to take refuge from rampant antisemitism among large pockets of the student body.
"I'm glad I can still do my coursework," one Jewish student said after the announcement was made. "After being relegated to hiding here in this attic, I was afraid that I'd start missing too many classes and my grades would suffer. Thankfully, the administration has been kind enough to give me online access to my classes right here in this attic while they allow violent antisemitic protests to sweep across campus. Thanks!"
Though anti-Israel protestors were disappointed that they would have fewer opportunities to threaten and berate people on campus, Jewish students were relieved. "Online classes make it really convenient," said another Jewish student. "Whether I'm out of town, sick in bed, or hiding in an attic to avoid being assaulted by an angry mob who want me and everyone else of my ethnicity wiped off the face of the earth, I don't have to worry about missing any assignments."
At publishing time, the Columbia administration had put forth plans to load Jewish students onto train cars and transport them to special camps to help them concentrate.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
And the basements.
Johnson and cohorts getting booed at Columbia.
Hopefully the radical Leftist progressives beating on their doors doesn’t disturb their studies.
Hoo Boy, this is a good one in a vile sort of way...
“attics” — For those of you who don’t get it, see Anne Frank
“...transport them to special camps to help them concentrate” — “concentrate” at the “special camps.”
Yeah, The Bee has gone back to hard news.
Will they be forced to sew a yellow star with the word JUDEN on their clothes?
This situation clearly identifies who the real Nazis are today.
and to think the Jewish students paid $90K a year for this privilege. They need yellow armbands to complete their studies.
Wonder why nobody had found out who is paying for all the custom made signs all over the country.
Media still stuck on happy hour.
At publishing time, the Columbia administration had put forth plans to load Jewish students onto train cars and transport them to special camps to help them concentrate.Tragic appropriate parody.
It may not be so far from the truth.
Yup. Attics don’t seem to exist any more except in older homes.
Good thing they can keep a diary.
Oh man, Columbia takes one right up their libtard ass.
Bee sting
Columbia will always now be known as the college that exterminated their Jewish population.
Our university’s are always claiming they stand up for the oppressed. Then how is it that they’re standing up for Jew hating neo-Nazi terrorists? Namely, Hamas?
We let America’s enemies take over our colleges nation wide. Why didn’t the leaders of the US see all this coming? It’s been right out in the open since at least 9-11 and they’ve done nothing to cull it. They allowed these colleges to brainwash our young students into forming mobs of intolerant, vicious little monsters. If they all want to act like spoiled little children then they deserve to be treated as such. They’re obviously not mature enough to be in college so they should expel every one of these cretins.
Oh, I’m sure we all ‘got it’.
One of the Bee’s more brutal truths.
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