Bestiality Marriage Application for San Fran Mayor

Self | Februrary 13, 2004 | Self

[Vitamin A]

Today I sent this letter to the mayor and clerk of San Francisco. It's my way of waging a humorous protest against their less-than-humorous issuance of marriage licenses to homosexual couples in defiance of state law. Please read the letter completely and carefully (the punch line is at the end).

February 13, 2004

Mayor Gavin Newsom Clerk Nancy Alfaro City Hall, Room 168 1 Dr. Carlton B. Goodlett Place San Francisco, CA 94102

Dear Mayor Newsom and Clerk Alfaro,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Corky St. Clair and I live with my companion of 15 years, Billy, in a beautiful neighborhood in Orange County zoned for equestrian uses. Yesterday tears of joy filled my eyes as I heard the news reports that you had boldly and defiantly issued marriage licenses to non-heterosexual couples. I was so moved by the Mayor’s courage in adopting a new interpretation of the state constitution which allows for non-heterosexual marriage—something that even our state supreme court has refused to do—based on “equal protection.” It’s about time we had brave leaders like Mayor Newsom who are willing to give legal effect to their personal interpretation of “equal protection,” instead of waiting for the state’s elected leaders and courts to do so!

Billy and I have been waiting for 15 years for the government to acknowledge that all loving relationships are equal and deserving of protection under law. For too long Billy and I have endured the pain of harsh stares coming from people when they see us expressing our affection for each other in public. I guess they just don’t understand that love can come in many different shapes and forms and colors and flavors, if you will. For Billy and I, our relationship may seem abnormal or even freakish to some folks (especially here in a more conservative rural-type setting!), but we know its what’s in our hearts that counts.

I am writing to ask you to send Billy and me information about how we can apply for a marriage license in San Francisco, so that our deep and loving relationship can be legally sanctioned at long last. We also respectfully request that Mayor Newsom personally perform the ceremony, as we feel that only someone as bold and brave as he can do so. Our personal information for the marriage license is as follows:

Name: Corky William St. Clair; Birthdate: Feb. 14, 1965; Birthplace: Barstow, California; Age: 39; Hair: Dirty blonde; Eyes: Hazel; Height: 5’ 11”; Weight: 175.

Billy (it’s just Billy, no last name); Birthdate: July 7, 1985; Birthplace: Barstow, California; Age: 18; Hair: Chestnut brown; Eyes: Mocha; Height: 3’ 1”; Weight: 63 lbs. By the way, Billy is a buck dairy goat, but I trust that won’t disqualify us for marriage eligibility under Mayor Newsom’s new definition of “equal protection.”

Sincerely,

Corky St. Clair

[Rytwyng]

If I lived in SF, and I were single, I'd apply to marry my shotgun.

[r9etb]

By the way, Billy is a buck dairy goat

Well, see, if it was a female goat they'd probably say no. But, seeing as how it's a homosexual (albeit heterospecies) marriage....

[Indie]

She is gross. This picture really does do her justice. BTW...what did that poor pig do to deserve this???

[myheroesareDeadandRegistered]

Hands down, this has got to be the funnyest thread I've ever seen at FR! The replies are awesome, too.

[Agnes Heep]

Well, see, if it was a female goat they'd probably say no. But, seeing as how it's a homosexual (albeit heterospecies) marriage....

Homobeastiality.

[little jeremiah]

Homosexual Agenda Ping!

This is good. I think the SF mayor and whichever office issued the same sex "marriage" licenses should be flooded with letters like these. And maybe even people and their dogs, goats, horses and lamas (and chickens, and bunny rabbits, and turtles, and sheep, and pet tarantulas, etc) can come down to city hall.


Hmmm, maybe people and their mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers and so on should apply for licenses too!

[Aquinasfan]

LOL! But what if he accepts your petition?

[r9etb]

LOL! But what if he accepts your petition?

Well, I suppose Corky can always barbeque and eat the little bugger.

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

You've probably been pinged already, but...

[r9etb]

I meant the goat -- not the mayor, whose culinary death I'll leave to his German lover....

[B Knotts]

All right! A goat thread!

I have a few bucks. One of them really does love me.

At the dairy goat convention in Portland a couple years ago, my wife and I were looking at some of the goats that were there for the auction. There was one particular fellow that really stood out. He was a young Alpine buck, and he was quite a show off, and was trying to impress my wife with his antics, which involved several things I would not wish to mention in a family forum.

Bucks are really something else.

[roadcat]

Corky must be french....

Jacque gets posted by the Foreign Legion to do duty at a remote desert outpost in the middle east. Friday night comes around, and Jacque, being bored to death, asks the local men what they do to relieve the boredom and tension.

"Jacque, the men use that camel over there."
Jacque raises an eyebrow and says "whatevvveeer, okay."

Next day, Jacque thanks the arab and says he is relieved of his tension now, but says the camel gave him a bit of a fight when he had his fun with it.

The arab says "But sir, the men RIDE the camel into the nearest town for the women!"

[Pete-R-Bilt]

are you sure that billy isn't a hetrosexual goat?

or have you, you know, ummm well, you, do you, umm,

is there woolite in your refrigerator.

there i said it, well is there?!

[cwb]

Haha. Hey know...I've seen quite a few cucumber lovers out there. And what's that I've heard about Gerbils?

[Qwinn]

My prediction? They'll utterly ignore the fact that the goat is an animal and say that since the billy goat isn't 16-18 years old, it qualifies as a minor and cannot give consent. Then, later, someone will come along and point out that animals have different life spans, and to be "fair" they will work out some sort of table that gives a "dog years" conversion method for various species to determine child status. That is the way they will find to back into legalizing beastiality.

And when people point out how absurd and ridiculous all -that- is, they will nod and agree that it's ridiculous, they will argue that what's wrong is that age shouldn't matter anyway, and they will legalize sex regardless of age.

We could then assume their agenda would finally be complete, but it won't be - they'll find something even sicker to agitate for. They know that when they run out of outrageous causes to be activist for, their power base won't have a reason for existence anymore, so they will never run out of them.

Qwinn

[I_Love_My_Husband]

hehehe

[I_Love_My_Husband]

ping!

[Porterville]

Funny, but that is actually the answer. If they win, make what they consider marriage so twisted that the only truth is the one true form of marriage. Put it back on the pedestal and bring gay marriage back to the sewer. Truth can never be denied.

[Catmom]

That's the best likeness of the Hildebeast I've seen yet!

[cinFLA]

You're just trying to get my goat, aren't you?

Even if I have to ram it down, right?