Thats okay
We have something to fix that....
Click the Pic J
Posted on 03/15/2004 10:41:39 AM PST by KJacob
True Doctor Stories
>A man comes into the ER and yells,
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>"My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
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>--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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>At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
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>--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
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>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
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>--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
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>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
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>--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
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>During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
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>--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
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>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered., Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
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>--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
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>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast his morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
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>--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
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>And Finally . .
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>A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
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>--Won't admit his name
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This one has always bothered me. Would it have been too much for the doctor to just tell the lady that her husband had a heart attack? I get the impression that the doctor was over intellectualizing out of a sense of superiority.
Sorry to be the kill-joy on a joke thread...
"Does this happen often?" the physician asked.
"Yes!" she replied. "Why, it's happened at least five or six times since I walked in here."
"Hmmm," said the doctor, reaching for a prescription pad. "I'm going to give you some pills. I want you to take them exactly as it says on the instructions, and see me in two weeks."
Two weeks later the young woman storms into the office, very upset. "Doctor!" she cried, "what have you done? Now they're still silent, but they smell like hell!"
"Now, now, calm down," soothed the doctor. "We've fixed your sinus problem ... now let's work on your hearing!"
I told him I couldn't pay the bill in that time frame. He then gave me another 10 years.
Thats okay
We have something to fix that....
Click the Pic J
Compare the "patch" story with:
My doctor told me to run five miles a day. I called him up after two weeks and said. "Doc, what should I do now. I'm 70 miles from my house." - Rodney Dangerfield.
There is a joke version of the "big breaths" story in which the patient responds: "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen!."
There also have been many jokes making similar use of the term "bed-ridden".
Her mother had an appointment with her gynecologist. So, before her daughter drove her to her appointment, she went in and used some 'feminine spray'.
On the exam table, the Dr. began his examination, and when he started to examine 'down there' he exclaimed, "Now isn't that cute."
The older lady was astounded. On the way home, she told her daughter about what the Dr. had said. They became very upset, not sure what to do, whether they needed to contact the police for sexual harassment etc etc etc...
Before heading for the police station, the daughter asked her mom to tell her the complete story. So the older lady explained how she'd gone into her daughter's bathroom and used the feminine spray before her appointment
"Wait mom," the daughter said, "I don't have any feminine spray."
Arriving home, they went to the bathroom and the older lady showed her daughter what she had used.
It was a can of spray body glitter.
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