John Kerry Has No Recollection Of Throwing Medals Like A Girl (Parody)

Broken Newz ^ | 4/27/04

[areafiftyone]

Good Morning America has released part 2 of the interview with Senator John Kerry over the controversy concerning Kerry's medals over the White House fence. Here is the transcript of the second part of that interview.

GIBSON: It is clear that there is no argument that something was thrown, can we assume this?

KERRY: That is correct.

GIBSON: When you threw, how far do you think they went?

KERRY: Probably thirty or forty feet. When I stood at that fence, I wanted to make my stance clear, my message understood. I was in Vietnam.

GIBSON: How bout 3-4 feet off the bounce.

KERRY: Absolutely not.

GIBSON: Did you forget I was there? That was the lamest throw I have ever laid eyes on. You barely cleared…

KERRY: I am not sure why you would say that Charlie, I have quite the manly arm.

GIBSON: I distinctly recall you executing more of a light toss, or a flip.

KERRY: This is ridiculous; a reporter of the "Boston Globe" was there, dozens of photographers were there. I clearly threw those medals over in a manly maneuver.

GIBSON: Medals?

KERRY: I did not say medals.

GIBSON: How do you explain the folding of your right leg? I noticed it, others did to. I believe you also did somewhat of a hop.

KERRY: Absolutely, that's absolutely incorrect Charlie. Both my feet where planted firmly on the ground. A reporter of the "Boston Globe" was there, dozens of photographers were there. I, without a doubt, threw like a man. I was in Vietnam you know. I won a purple heart, I won a bronze star. You do not get those by throwing like a girl.

GIBSON: The reporter from the “Boston Globe” called you Sally. Could it be possible you are unaware of your feminine throw? Is it possible that you cannot make the distinction?

KERRY: We made no distinction back then, Charlie. We made no distinction whether it was a feminine toss. I was in Vietnam.

GIBSON: Senator, are you crying?

KERRY: Charlie, it is very simple. What the republicans are trying to do is make this into an issue because they have no record to run on and they can't go out and talk about jobs or health care or environment. They are going to attack 35 years ago. Last week in an unprecedented attack, they sent congressmen to the floor of the senate of the house to attack me on the anniversary of my speech. Then he threw a Nerf football at me and I flinched and screamed. It is a conspiracy Charlie. I was always picked last place as a child for sports. That is another case of the republicans out for my own blood. Sure, you will see them all throwing out a pitch on opening day. But ask them about our economy or military spending and they throw this sh*t in your face.

GIBSON: My goodness, you really are crying. Senator, I would like to once again thank you for your time today. It was great having you here Senator Mary.

KERRY: Mary?

GIBSON: Back to you Diane.

[watchin]

We need to refrain from insinuating that Kerry is a sissy or a homo. If it were to prove true, it would only serve to "energize his base".

[ILBBACH]

Thanks for the laugh!