Pity, Please

The Conning Tower ^ | July 18, 2004 | Trentino

[Davis]

Pity John Kerry. He meditates, ruminates, and cogitates mightily. He discovers the perfect smiling face to counterbalance his own dour, sour, gloomy puss. But, lo, a mere eleven days later the New York Times reports on its front page that lawyer John Edwards has brought no boost to the ticket's poll numbers.

Pity Howard Dean, medicine man, front runner for the Democratic party nomination before a single primary vote had been cast anywhere, who half a year after his defeat has been unable to figure out why caucusians in Iowa deserted him. Was it something he said? Did he summon Dr. Judith Steinberg to his side too late to assure Iowans he had not just coasted in from Betelgeuse? Dauntless and clueless, he marches to the beat of an indifferent drummer.

Shed a tear for Albert Gore, Jr., his boyhood dreams of the Presidency drowned in a chad-flecked sea; who endorsed Dr. Dean immediately before the latter's electoral demise. Gore's vision of America is darkened by conspiracies woven, he says, "into the fabric of the Zeitgeist."

Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.

Drown any eye for poor TeRayza Heinz Kerry, surrounded by Wal-Mart-praising vulgarians who think her second husband is frosty and aloof, but, she avers, he really likes people and would make "the best nursery school teacher in the world, bar none."

Squeeze those lachrymal ducts for Michael Moore, film maker, fated to dwell among—by his own declaration, the stupidest people on planet Earth—so stupid, indeed, that they have made him a millionaire and thus exacerbated the tragic gap between rich and poor in this benighted land. It is Moore's incoherence and sublime indifference to contradiction and absurdity, and the venom squirting from every orifice of his oleaginous body that make him a leader of the Loony Left.

More pity for the standard bearer of the Democratic Party who in one breath declares his opposition to abortion as the taking of a human life and in the next breath refuses to oppose it, who votes aye and nay simultaneously with only the slightest strain on his vast cognitive apparatus. Alas, the nuanced advantage conferred by his matriculation at Swiss prep school, St. Paul's, and Yale, was insufficient to gain him entrance into Harvard Law School. There he might have learned that a gaggle of police officers engaged in encircling the Mayor of Boston while declaring their demand for higher pay and fewer criminals does not constitute an impenetrable conscience line.

Mister, do not pass with dry eye the zweibach munching urchin set loose on upper Broadway to solicit your support for M. Kerry and lawyer Edwards but enjoined by the Party's communications experts not to utter the candidates' names. "Help beat Bush," he exclaims, his exploited face wreathed in pain thus adhering to the plan and example of his superiors.

Compassion, I pray you, for Lefties left adrift by the now obvious (even to lamebrains) inadequacy of the Marxian model, by its moral and intellectual bankruptcy and its inescapable record of death, famine, and fear. The poor chap has nothing to cling to, no rudder to steer with, nor even a paddle to propel himself. Pity, please.

[jocon307]

Great stuff!

[writer33]

A single tear rolls down my cheek.

[Fintan]

He's nothing more than a mealy-mouthed pissant.

[Theresawithanh]

ConningTower and Trentino bump! Great article.

I tried to shed a tear, I really did, but alas, my Kleenex is dry and clean.

[jmaroneps37]

John Kerry,is the living breathing incarnation of Woody Allen's character Leonard Zelig.
Like Woody's Zelig, the evil donkey'd Zelig has no center, no core, doesn't stand for anything and actually becomes physically like whomever he is with. When the new, real life Zelig, went to Iowa and told Catholics he believes that "life begins at conception", he was Zelig-like.
When he gave the world the black power fist up salute, he was Zelig-like. When he flip flops in his every day schedule, he is Zelig-like.
This Zelig!

[Davis]

You can't understand Kerry unless you're familiar with his family tree. Click here.

[hrhdave]

Cooter isn't crying for Kerry. He's giving Kerry advice on how to run his campaign.
http://www.atrentino.com/TMVolume13.html