Posted on 12/03/2004 9:10:28 AM PST by stevejackson
(For fans of Monty Python's Flying Circus)
The AP* has uncovered startling new details on the death of Palestinian Authority President Yasser Arafat following an assiduous investigation. The AP* recently obtained highly classified documents from an as-yet unidentified member of the CIA*. Those documents revealed that Arafat was literally scared to death while lying in hospital when a giant hedgehog peered into his private room’s window. Witnesses, who wish to remain anonymous, have identified the enormous rodent as Spiny Norman, the long-time nemesis of Britain’s notorious arch-criminal, Dinsdale Piranha.
The CIA* operative, who previously worked for the UK’s MI5* was quoted a saying, “We always knew ol’ Dinsy ‘ad links to terrorism, but even we were surprised to find ‘e was runnin’ wif Arafat.” World leaders were stunned by the new revelations about President Arafat’s death. George W. Busch was quoted as saying, “Darn that Norman. He was always strategical.” Prime Minister Tony Blare would not comment on the issue, saying only, “Fak off ya’ fairy.” The newly released documents reveal a convoluted tale of how Mr. Piranha, President Arafat, and Spiny Norman came to know one another.
Despite their infamy, little information has been publicly available regarding Doug and Dinsdale Piranha – known commonly as the “Piranha Brothers.” But during its investigation, the AP* was able to obtain a rare copy of a BBC1 documentary entitled, “Ethel The Frog,” first broadcast on July 9, 1970. At that time, BBC1 announced:
Last Tuesday a reign of terror was ended when the notorious Piranha brothers, Doug and Dinsdale, (photo of same) after one of the most extraordinary trials in British legal history, were sentenced to 400 years imprisonment for crimes of violence.
Early in their criminal careers, the Piranha Brothers’ activities did not come to the attention of international security services. According to BBC1,
By a combination of violence and sarcasm, the Piranha brothers, by February 1966, controlled London and the Southeast.
But the brothers came to the attention of British authorities when they set off an atomic bomb at Luton Airport on February 22, 1966. Apparently, it was Spiny Norman that drove the Piranhas to such an act of violence. The BBC1 documentary captured rare footage of one of Dinsdale’s associates, a female impersonator known only at the time as “Gloria:”
Gloria: Dinsdale was a perfectly normal person in every way. Except in as much he was convinced that he was being watched by a giant hedgehog whom he referred to as 'Spiny Norman'. …
Interviewer: How big was Norman supposed to be?
Gloria: Normally he was wont to be about twelve feet from nose to tail, but when Dinsdale was very depressed Norman could be anything up to eight hundred yards long. …
Gloria: Latterly Dinsdale had become increasingly worried about Spiny Norman. He had come to the conclusion that Norman slept in an aeroplane hangar at Luton Airport.
Dinsdale Piranha was constantly followed and taunted by Norman. The hedgehog was known to sneak up on the Piranha brother and yell, "DINSDALE!"
After the Piranhas used a nuclear device on Luton Airport in an attempt to stop Norman's harrassment, they went into hiding. The Piranhas became most wanted men by all the world’s great security services. This is the time they met Yasser Arafat.
Arafat had already become a well-known terrorist in 1966, but he had perfected the arts of disguise and deception and was always able to stay one step ahead of international authorities. The Piranha Brothers kept up on the news, so they sought out Arafat for advice on eluding the law. In the brief time between their heinous act in Luton and their capture by police, the Piranhas were able to meet with Arafat.
This meeting was disastrous for Arafat because of Spiny Norman. Apparently Norman followed the Piranhas to the secret meeting location. Even though the giant hedgehog was compulsively obsessed with Dinsdale Piranha, everything changed when he took his first whiff of Arafat.
Arafat was always known to have a cloud of flies surrounding him. Spiny Norman was obsessed with flies even more so than he was infatuated with Dinsdale. From that point on, Arafat was continuously stalked by Spiny Norman.
For years, Arafat was able to elude Spiny Norman and the world’s intelligence services. But on Thursday, November 11, 2004, Norman caught up with Arafat at his hospital in Paris. When Arafat looked out his window, Norman peered in and howled, “ARAFAT!” President Arafat died instantly.
But just how are we to judge Dinsdale Piranha and Yasser Arafat? The BBC1 documentary provided insight into Dinsdale from a renowned criminologist, known only at the time as a "criminologist:"
It's easy for us to judge Dinsdale Piranha too harshly. After all, he only did what most of us simply dream of doing... After all a murderer is only an extroverted suicide. Dinsdale was a loony, but he was a happy loony. Lucky bastard.
CNN.com offered similar sagacity when describing Arafat as:
...the leader who passionately sought a homeland for his people.
We should not judge either Arafat or Dinsdale too harshly. One man known as Stig offered an assessment of Dinsdale similar to CNN.com's description of Arafat. Again, the BBC1 documentary:
Interviewer: Stig, I've been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.
Stig: No, no. Never, never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to give his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.
Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.
Stig: Oh yeah, well - he did that, yeah.
Interviewer: Why?
Stig: Well he had to, didn't he? I mean, be fair, there was nothing else he could do. I mean, I had transgressed the unwritten law.
Interviewer: What had you done?
Stig: Er... well he never told me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn't *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. There's nothing Dinsdale wouldn't do for you..
Interviewer: And you don't bear him any grudge?
Stig: A grudge! Old Dinsy? He was a real darling.
We should only feel pity for Arafat. After all, he always remained consistent. He always chose the path of violence. Remember Black September, the “second Intifada,” or the Oslo Accords? He stole foreign aid meant to help his own people build a viable economy. Arafat remained steady in his funding of terrorism. Yasser Arafat was the greatest terrorist of them all, who tried to smuggle a boatload of plastic explosives into Palestine and opposed democratic reforms which would've loosened his grip on power. Arafat ruled by decree and ordered summary executions of his own people. Arafat's own al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade keeps killing innocent Israeli civilians with firebombs packed with nuts, bolts, nails, and screws. Arafat spoke of peace in English, while in Arabic he and his cronies advocated Israel’s destruction.[1]
Perhaps we should paraphrase Stig's quote about Dinsdale and apply it to Arafat: He was a loony, but he was a happy loony.
___________________________________________
[1] Benjamin Netanyahu, “A Durable Peace: Israel and Its Place Among the Nations,” Warner Books, Inc., New York, N.Y., 2000.
AP*: Amalgamated Press
CIA*: Central Investigators of Archangels
MI5*: Ministers without Intelligence 5
http://netwmd.com/articles/article810.html
What-that he had AIDS?
Dins-daaaaaaaaale
I thought the whole "he's dead, no he's not" thing hearkened to Monty Python's "bring out your dead" skit.
I'm glad someone remembers Spiny Norman. I fell off my chair when I found this one.
DIINNNSSSSSDAAAAAAAAALE!
Actually I think it was the Dead Parrot skit.
Startling New Details Uncovered on Arafat Death.......'a double'?
That works also.
No, definitely the "Bring out ya ded!" skit.
"Wait, I'm not dead."
"Yes you are."
"No, I'm not!"
"well, you will be in a few minutes."
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