Accounts of exchanges: airline pilots and control towers around the world! (TOO FUNNY!)

Private Email | DECEMBER 10, 2004 | Unknown

[Maigrey]

Ping!!!

[OSHA]

Thanks! I used to work on B52's. That's another nice pic for my collection.

[Politicalities]

Supposedly, these are comments taken from squawk sheets for military aircraft... they're funny, but I take them with a grain of salt.

Squawk: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Reply: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Squawk: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Reply: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Squawk #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Reply #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Squawk #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Squawk: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Squawk: "Something loose in cockpit."
Reply: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Squawk: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Reply: "Evidence removed."

Squawk: "Number three engine missing."
Reply: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Squawk: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Reply: "Volume set to more believable level."

Squawk: Dead bugs on windshield.
Reply: Live bugs on order.

Squawk: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Reply: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Squawk: IFF inoperative.
Reply: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Squawk: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Reply: That's what they're there for.

[zakker500]

I still have that built-in FAA triple redundancy...

[Americanwolf]

at least your honest.

[Boiling point]

Those are great! I got an e-mail a few years ago that had the comments of aircraft mechanics on service reports. There were some great ones. From memory...
Pilots report: Evidence of hydraulic fluid leaking from landing gear.
Mechanic: Evidence removed.

Pilots report: Plane does not hold course in auto pilot.
Mechanic: Plane not equipped with auto pilot.

Pilots report: At altitude in auto pilot, plane suddenly looses several thousand feet in altitude.
Mechanic: Could not reproduce condition on the ground.

Pilots report: Dead bugs on windshield.
Mechanic: Live bugs on back order.

Pilots report: Left front tire almost needs replacing.
Mechanic: Almost replaced tire.

[Petruchio]

[Petruchio]

Tower: "LH 405 please confirm You are an Airbus 340"
LH405: "LH405 sure we are a A340"
Tower: "Okay, LH405 then would you please fire up the other two turbines and show me a 1200' climb, switch DEP on 124.8, good day!"

[timydnuc]

After getting my license in West Texas. I had to fly through DFW air space. I was a bit nervous but determined to do this thing. It was a bright clear day so, away I went radio chattering. I was flying a Cessna 180 and I was alone. Upon entering control airspace I contacted the controller and gave him a little too much information very quickly and very nervously. I must have gotten handed off to another controller because a thick Texas accent came back and asked, "This is your first time through here"? I answered that it was. Next question, "Ink dry on the license yet"? "Yes sir", said I. "Do ya know what them numbers on that fancy compass mean"? "Yes Sir", was my reply. "Does that altimeter work in your aircraft"? "Yes Sir", again was the reply. "Do ya know what BIG airplanes look like"? "Listen to me, stay out of the way of those BIG airplanes and this will be a day at the beach". Then he began to bark orders at me and I obeyed. All in all it was a great experience.

[Boiling point]

Ha! Thats it! I must have been typing while you were posting,

[KillTime]

Not a Tower-Pilot exchange, but I read this in some mag once.

A pilot was bringing his plane in for a landing, but had to go through some extreemly rough air; so much so that the plane was just bouncing all over the place and he never got on the mic to warn his passengers. Finely the plane landed and it was a pretty hard one, too.

He was rather embarrased for not warning his passangers, but went out to say farewell as folks exited the plane and he was relieved no one said anything as they left. But the last person out was a little old lady who asked him: "Was that a normal landing or did we crash?"

[JusPasenThru]

BTTT.

[Velveeta]

Funny, funny stuff. Thanks!

[oldtimer]

LOL

[RippleFire]

bump

[bd476]

It is very honorable for the Marine to serve our country and he was the kind one to talk to me and share a little bit about himself. :)

That's right, it's good when pilots point out landmarks. For some reason though, the last couple of times we flew the pilots were remarkably silent, except when we hit some light turbulence and then they asked us to remain seated and to buckle up.

[pop-aye]

hard to read screen with coffee spewed on it... Thanks.

[LiteKeeper]

read later

[listenhillary]

Ping!

[trussell]

"Yes, dear. Ta-ta!"

Thank you for the ping!!