Canada Takes a Big 'Labashing'

The Edmonton Sun ^ | March 21, 2005 | Michael Jenkinson

[quidnunc]

Turnabout is only fair play, I guess. Considering that official Canada routinely takes cheap shots at the United States for supposedly being a war-mongering state run by born-again Neanderthals, it was only a matter of time before someone down south decided to return the favour.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "The Great White Waste of Time," the cover story from the latest issue (dated today) of the Weekly Standard, an unabashedly American conservative publication.

In the piece, writer Matt Labash cuts right to the chase, saying he regards Canada "as most Americans do, as North America's attic, a mildewy recess that adds little value to the house, but serves as excellent dead space for stashing Nazi war criminals, drawing-room socialists and hockey goons."

Hey! There's no hockey goons here this year. They're all playing in Europe!

But wait. It gets better. Canadians are a "docile, Zamboni-driving people who subsist on seal casserole and Molson. Their hobbies include wearing flannel, obsessing over American hegemony, exporting deadly mad cow disease and even deadlier Gordon Lightfoot and Nickelback albums."

Well, so far I'm just relieved that he hasn't mentioned Celine Dion.

And for the record, Matt, I don't particularly like seal casserole, preferring instead polar bear steaks done on the barbecue during that one day in July when there's no snow on the ground.

-snip-

"In a sense," writes Labash, "Canada is the perfect place for American quitters, as it evidences self-loathing masquerading as self-congratulation."

Those would be fighting words, but we don't have enough of a military left to do anything about it.

-snip-

[bfree]

If the snow shoe fits....

[Fierce Allegiance]

Very nice pic! You are correct, 80% of Canadians live within 100 miles (160.94 km) of the US border. Hmmm, I wonder why?

Canada is, however a great place to ride snowmobiles, hunt and extract timber.

[Fierce Allegiance]

Is that Rush at Red ROcks? What a cool venue!

[hoot2]

"Can we invade Canada and force them to take her back?"

Shes touring Europe now; maybe the Euro's will keep her.
Make her their new "Queen".
"Euro-Queenie"

[My Favorite Headache]

Yep...very cool shot from this past summer at a sold out show there.

[Fierce Allegiance]

If you were there, I am very jealous of you.

[bfree]

"If we have bothered forming opinions at all about Canadians, they've tended toward easy-pickings: that they are a docile, Zamboni-driving people who subsist on seal casserole and Molson. Their hobbies include wearing flannel, obsessing over American hegemony, exporting deadly Mad Cow disease and even deadlier Gordon Lightfoot and Nickelback albums. You can tell a lot about a nation's mediocrity index by learning that they invented synchronized swimming. Even more, by the fact that they're proud of it."

Pretty much sums up Canada. The article is truly classic, loads of laughs pointing out the truth. http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/005/349tpijp.asp

[Eagle74]

Triumph said it best "Canada a great country, 'FOR ME TO POOP ON!'"

[KingofQue]

Sorry, if they didn't produce it we would.

[Canyda]

Yeah, in between writing five editorials a week, compiling letters to the editor, answering phone calls from the public, copy editing columns, laying out pages, writing my own column, and dealing with the general fun of being a middle manager, it's a really laid back job.

Umm ... I mean, how on earth can I write about someone else's 8-page story without quoting extensively from it?

Mike Jenkinson
Comment Editor, Edmonton Sun