Posted on 03/24/2005 4:01:17 AM PST by tx_eggman
A guy is driving around in Cameron Parish, and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner, Thibodeaux, tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks Thibodeaux what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars." Thib says. "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" "Because he's a liar. He didn't do none of dat crap."
I was raised Episcopal (whiskeypalian), but that was an eye-opener to me. I had been led to believe that good Baptists don't imbibe!
Yeah, but you forgot the cardinal good ole' boys' rule, which trumps the church regs - What ya do in camp stays in camp!
Here's another dog one, just came from my father-in-law via email -
The Old Poodle Dog
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story..
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill. BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
I don't know why, but it cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.
Good stuff!
That is an Episcopalian cat, I can tell!
I agree.
With all the bad stuff going down this week, It's a good morning laugh.
tx_eggman,Try this story on your Cajun wife. I think it's especially funny since it's supposed to be true:
During his gubernatorial campaign in southern Louisiana, Huey Long was advised to play to the Roman Catholicism of many of the voters. Accordingly, he opened his first speech with the following words:
"When I was a boy, I would get up at six o'clock in the morning on Sunday, and I would hitch our old horse up to the buggy and I would take my Catholic grandparents to mass. I would bring them home, and at ten o'clock I would hitch the old horse up again, and I would take my Baptist grandparents to church."
"Why, Huey," the advisor later remarked, "you've been holding out on us. I didn't know you had any Catholic grandparents." "Don't be a damn fool," Long replied. "We didn't even have a horse!
Here's another cute joke:
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
Good one, I had not heard this one before.
My poor old Step Mother (one of the nicest but dumbest person I have ever met) swore that Huey P. Long was the most honest person in the world.
Fellow is down with his span of mules plowing the creek bottom. His little boy comes running down the hill shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! Preacher's here!"
Fellow stops his mules, says, "Well, son, if it's the Methodist minister, hide all the chickens. If it's the Catholic priest, hide all the whiskey. And if it's the Baptist preacher . . . go sit on your mama's lap til I can get up there."
Disclaimer: used to be Episcopalian, now Catholic, married a Methodist boy, and I sit on the Board of Trustees of a Baptist Church (don't ask! :-D )
. . . I know he was a crook, but anybody who receives the German Ambassador in green silk pajamas gets some points for style and chutzpah. And he had more class than Earl . . .
A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says,"You're a duck, how're you gonna pay for it?"
The duck says,"Put it on my bill!"
Sorry, couldn't help it.
LOL! An oldie but a goodie!
Now, here's a really really old groaner:
Do you know what made Budweiser? His wife came home with Schlitz in her pants.
(I can't believe I'm going to post this--LOL!)
Rather thought the same of Clinton. Go figure.
I ordered Ken Burns' DVD on ol' Huey a few weeks ago. We love Louisiana and it's rich culture and history. Thank goodness we don't have far to travel....(being in east Texas). I have always had an interest in Long.....he was such a magnetic person, but corrupt to the bone and not worth killin'.....(but I guess Carl Weiss thought he was).....*~*.
Duck walks into a bar....says to the bartender: "Got any duck food?" Bartender says "No, and we don't serve ducks in here, anyway. Now, get out." Duck leaves, but comes back in a few minutes and says "Got any duck food?". Bartender says "NO !! Now get out." Again the duck leaves but soon returns and says "Got any duck food?". Barkeep is really ticked now....."If you don't stay out of here, I'm going to NAIL your feet to the floor". Duck leaves. Comes back and said "Got any NAILS?" Bartender screams, "NO !!" Duck grins and says "Got any duck food?......."
=========================
How about ducks?? How about GRASSHOPPERS??
This grasshopper goes into a bar and order a beer. The bartender sets the beer in front of him and say,
"Say, I bet you don't know we gotta drink named after you."
The grasshopper looked puzzled, "You gotta drink named 'Murry' ??"
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