Is Living Together Before Marriage Totally Accptable? ...Freeper Insight Needed

7.31.05 | mlmr

[mlmr]

So I have been trying to rent an apartment in my home...and all I have answering the ads are boyfriends and girlfriends. No matter what social status, no matter what income level, I am seeing unmarried twenty, thirty and forty year old couples who want to live together. If I question them, they don't even understand why I am asking.

These are Christians and Jews. I was so surprised to find that it would be so difficult to find a young married couple.

Tell me Dear Freeper...am I totally out of the ballgame to expect to find a young married couple? Am I expecting something that just isn't in our culture anymore?

[mlmr]

I own apartment buildings and follow the city codes to a T. The people who live in these buildings lead their lives and pay their rent and are good tenants. My attached apartment needs a married couple or a contintint single because I have a pack of kids as well as my own values to consider.

[mlmr]

So why aren't you renting my apartment?

LOL!

[Tax-chick]

My husband and I lived in apartments for the first 4 years of our marriage.

[don-o]

That said, I'd never marry somebody without living with them first,

Well - it is the fully forcinating society, after all.

Sorry. But you sir are a cad and a part of the problem. We need to raise children (boys and girls) who plan to be virgins when they marry.

[R. Scott]

Totally acceptable? As with most things in life the acceptability of a situation depends on circumstances. Yes, I have lived with women without marriage – sometimes with a sexual relationship and sometimes without. I found the advantages and disadvantages were about equal.
They see no advantage. There’s no real tax break, if both have a decent job the benefits remain the same. Religion seldom seems to enter the equation. Many young people today are completely scared of marriage. They seem to think breaking up is easier if they aren’t legally married.
Kids – it’s far easier to breakup if you aren’t living together! Without being married, a minor meaningless spat can lead to a breakup – at least if married you have time to think about it.

[mlmr]

I'm still living at home. I find your quandry a sad commentary on the social situation today.

Cyborg, you are getting married soon! I wish you could move in!

[The Ghost of FReepers Past]

Actually, stats say you have a better chance at a successful marriage if you do not live together first. But no one cares about successful marriages or moral behavior. It's all about ME!!! Sadly, there is a lot of social pressure to live together first. It used to be the other way around.

[wagglebee]

Fornication and sodomy are serious matters and forbidden, even felonious, in many states. These are sexual criminals, perhaps subject to registration requirements if caught, convicted, and so sentenced in an appropriate jurisdiction.

IIRC, the Supreme Court overturned all of these laws last year. And sexual offender registration has only ever applied to violent crimes.

[Indy Pendance]

Some suggested your church. Take it one step further, go to several churches in your area.

[mlmr]

One of my 25 year old twins and I just had a talk about this yesterday. She is dating a young man I like very much. I said that, to move in together before marriage is a very bad idea. She agrees. Girls like mine are out there :)

These are the values that our family has, and I don't want the children to see me aprove of anything different.

[JustAnotherOkie]

They are obviously more sophisticated and have ALL the answers.

[cyborg]

Yes I am :-) I suppose some couples could live together without all the premarital sex but I'd avoid even the appearance of evil.

[SpringheelJack]

sigh: Are you another one of those 'I gotta drive the car first to see if I like it?' types?

Yep. You mean you'd buy a car without driving it first?

[R. Scott]

I'm looking for a 25 year old nymphomaniac with an obsessive cleaning compulsion disorder. ;-)

And – owns a pizza parlor and liquor store.

[DragonflyX]

What you are seeing is a reflection of what feminism and our legal system has made of marriage and women in America. I am a divorced man in my early thirties. There is no way I would ever marry another American woman. All of my buddies feel the same way. There is no creature with a larger sense of entitlement and a smaller sense of duty and honor toward others as the tattooed, foul mouthed, swaggering modern American Woman. Why would any sane man risk financial ruin in divorce court and marry one these days when you can find plenty of them out on the prowl every night?

[HitmanLV]

I would never live with a woman before marrying her.

[mlmr]

Kids – it’s far easier to breakup if you aren’t living together! Without being married, a minor meaningless spat can lead to a breakup – at least if married you have time to think about it.



This sounds like the wisdom of the voice of experience.

[cyborg]

That's sad. I'm not that type. I would NEVER live with a man. You men have it too easy with the modern liberated womyn.

[Quint on dry land]

I also do not have a satisfactory answer, no solid understanding as to why the shackup is seemingly so widely acceptable. And I would like to see something cogent on this topic, as well. As a guess, I wonder if lack of commitment to many additional areas of "responsibility" is part of the culture: little or no responsibility taken for financial discipline, little or no responsibility for child care, little or no responsibility for maintaining a neat personal environment (housekeeping, hygiene, vehicle, etc)... I think I see what used to be called slovely attitudes. We use to judge people and that kept peer pressure on us. Somehow ambivalence has crept into personal choice. Are a majority of our children suffering from a chronic low self-image? Did the crusade for non-judgmentalism rob a generation of self-respect? What are other thoughts here?

[afnamvet]

We rent out our studio apt. to Church staff.