Iraq War Distracts Bush from Cheney Shooting

ScrappleFace ^ | February 13, 2006 | Scott Ott

[Kaslin]

White House spokesman Scott McClellan, peppered with reporters’ questions about Vice President Dick Cheney’s accidental weekend shooting of a hunting buddy, said President George Bush was “not immediately informed of the incident because he was too distracted by the Iraq war.”

“If, because of the war, the president doesn’t have time to catch Usama bin Laden,” Mr. McClellan said, “when do you think he’ll find a moment to deal with a quail hunting accident in Texas? ”

In related news, Mr. McClellan said the Bush administration is sticking with its initial ’single-shooter’ theory.

“From all indications,” he said, “the vice president acted alone. Lab reports show that all of the pellets came from a single 28-gauge shotgun which had the Vice President’s fingerprints all over it.”

Despite these assurances, the White House press corps buzzed with conspiracy rumors, including suggestions that the quail, which Mr. Cheney allegedly shot at, had not flown in a completely random, natural pattern, but seemed to intentionally pass in front of 78-year-old attorney Harry Whittington.

[F.J. Mitchell]

But most of all it detracts from any mention in the media about Al Gore shooting off his stupid mouth.

[KarinG1]

Lab reports show that all of the pellets came from a single 28-gauge shotgun which had the Vice President’s fingerprints all over it.

A 28 guage? Cheney is tough. Mine's only a 12 guage and it darn near ripped my arm off that time I shot it.

[CWOJackson]

A .28 gauge is smaller.

[Kaslin]

You realize the article is a satire, don't you?

[Kaslin]

My favorite ignorant Liberal report today was the one that said Cheney shot his friend with buckshot. Dam*, those must be some big quail they were hunting, and his friend is truly lucky to be alive.

Actually that was what FNC via AP reported first too, but then later Fox News corrected it and said it was birdshots

[Kaslin]

Did you hear the lunatic asking Scott McClellan if the VP is going to resign?

Another pathetic lunatic asked: :under Texas law, is this kind of accidental shooting a possible criminal offense?

[boomop1]

Yes it is but it is so on the target, so to speak, they are a bunch of loon's in the WH press corps. it is shameful and an embarrassment to watch these wretched people.

[GSlob]

'The VP should invite Helen Thomas along on his next outing."
Nah... she'd frighten away everyone, including the game birds.

[CWOJackson]

Shame buzzards aren't considered game birds. Here and Maddy Halfbright would make excellent decoys.

[Billthedrill]

I have it on good confidence that there was a grassy knoll nearby, too...

[GSlob]

She'd frighten away even the buzzards.