Sex and Marriage in the City?

Townhall ^ | 3.20.2006 | Jennifer Roback Morse

[dson7_ck1249]

You know the old saying about having a hammer and everything looking like nails? I was reading an article in the Journal of Law and Economics about why housing prices in Manhattan are so high, and I thought, "Omigosh! The answer to the demographic implosion." Since my hammer happens to be sex and marriage, even an economics article reminds me of sex. So bear with me. I’ll explain what the article had to say about housing prices. Then I’ll tell you what it has to do with sex...

[HitmanLV]

;-)

[JamesP81]

There is no roadmap, there is no exact formula, there is no set schedule. Keep options open and be smart.

Quite true. Everybody so is different from each other that one man's formula doesn't necessarily work for the next. It's one of the good things that makes humanity interesting.

For me, there is only one plan, one timing: that is God's timing. I tend to feel that timing is near, but as I've said, if God doesn't agree then I'll take do whatever He decides is best. God's way is always the best way.

[Bigg Red]

People at the age of 24 simply do not have the life experiences that older folks do.

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That is quite true, but it does not mean that they are incapable of investing themselves in a true, meaningful marriage, with all of that committment that it demands. For our society to tell young people that they are incapable of such honorable behavior is insulting and damaging. Our modern culture actively encourages young people to be juveniles for far too long instead of encouraging them to step up to the plate.

[JamesP81]

Our modern culture actively encourages young people to be juveniles for far too long instead of encouraging them to step up to the plate.

Quite true. The sooner we start expecting adult behavior, the sooner we'll see it.

[misterrob]

I have seen far too many people get married for reasons that are rather immature:

1) Being in love (illusion)

2) Having found my soul mate (another romantic notion)

3) They just complete me (incomplete people don't become whole through marriage)

4) Programming or societal pressure (everyone else is doing it)

There are no do overs in this situation. Young people are most often (not always mind you) not developed enough at an earlier age to do the marriage and parenting thing. There are some that are capable of putting it together emotionally but there are other details around life that have to be accounted for as well.

[Scotswife]

"There's nop rush to get married - play the field at least a decade more or so, then get serious about it. You get to date lots of cute girls with few strings this way, and then at the end you can get the life you want. No sense in clipping your wings too soon."

So...you get to spend alot of time with no committment....just using other people for gratification and fun while knowing you don't intend to truly appreciate them - that you will dispose of them once they become too demanding?

This does not sound like good preparation for the mindset it will take to become a good spouse in a healthy marriage.

[HitmanLV]

I wouldn't characterize it at all as 'using people.' I didn't say lie & cheat. I didn't suggest saying anything in order to get any particular babe in bed that night, and then never see them again. Nobody is being forced to date, or remain, with anybody else.

I also never suggested that anybody dispose of anybody because they are too demanding. I don't know where you got this stuff - you impute all sorts of bad things to my comments that weren't there, exaggerate them, and then become exceedingly judgmental about them.

That's not clarity at all, sorry.

[Scotswife]

I think it was your statement that you get to date alot of cute girls with no strings attached.

Certainly - if someone wants to do this, they are free to do this.
I simply found it odd advice to give to a guy who obviously wants to find a wife.

That you think dating alot of girls with no strings is a good thing is what I picked up on.
Maybe it isn't a good thing - especially for someone who is looking forward to experiencing a healthy marriage.

You are describing the kind of guy I advise my daughter to stay far far away from.

[HitmanLV]

There is an advantage to datings lots of women with few strings attached: you get to see what a variety of people are like and you get better in maintaining your end of a good relationship.

The no strings aspect just means if the relationship gets sour for whatever reason, its usually not complex to move on: no lawyers, division of property, etc.

Lots of people who date sincerely want to find spouses. They are not mututally inconsistent positions.

[Scotswife]

I guess I found the advice of playing the field for a decade or more to be extreme, and I got the impression the main advantage to this attitude is that you get to date alot of girls with no strings.

So it didn't really sound like this decade would be spent looking for a meaningful relationship, but rather engaging is seriel relationships that don't amount to anything.

The guy could find a compatible woman his first try but then wind up wasting a decade of his life on meaningless dating.

[HitmanLV]

No argument from me: I think a person should be open to finding a good mate in that period of time, and not letting them slip away just because they set an artificial schedule for themselves.

[MortMan]

You know the old saying about having a hammer and everything looking like nails?

Yes, but I thought it was just an explanation for male behavior in general.

No... That would be a saying about having a nailer, and everything looking like... ;-P

[Bigg Red]

I have seen far too many people get married for reasons that are rather immature:

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I have seen people in their 30s & 40s marry for the same reasons you cite.

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.