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Judge Rules Dispute to Be Settled By 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' Match (this is not a parody)
http://abcnews.go.com ^ | 6 7 06 | MATT SOKOLOFF

Posted on 06/08/2006 12:35:39 AM PDT by freepatriot32

June 7, 2006 — A federal judge ordered two attorneys to settle their dispute by using the children's playground game "rock, paper, scissors."

The ruling yesterday by Judge Gregory Presnell of the U.S. District Court in Orlando, Fla., stated that he was so dissatisfied with the case's "latest in a series of Gordian knots" that he is fashioning "a new form of alternative dispute resolution."

In the dispute at hand, the two attorneys could not agree about where to take the sworn statement of a witness in a case concerning payment of insurance claims.

The judge's order states that the game will take place on June 20, 2006, at 4 p.m. at a "neutral site." If the two attorneys can't agree on a neutral site, the judge said they will have to meet on the courthouse steps.

If one of the lawyers disputes the outcome of the game, he can appeal it, Presnell added. Presnell wouldn't comment on his unusual ruling, but he isn't the only one taking it seriously.

"When someone uses rock, paper, scissors to adjudicate any kind of dispute that is a positive moment for the world," said Matti Leshem, co-commissioner for the USA Rock Paper Scissors League.

Leshem says that he does have some concerns about the rules they will use. He wants to know the number of pumps before the throw or if "illegal" throws will be allowed. To make sure official USARPS rules are followed, Lesham said he and his staff are willing to fly down to Florida to oversee the match.

"We will make sure that rock, paper scissors is not made a mockery by the legal system. When people take rock, paper, scissors into their own hands, mayhem can occur," he said.

The USA Rock Paper Scissors League is getting ready for its national championship on June 12, 2006, where the winner will receive $50,000. The tournament will air on A&E.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; Political Humor/Cartoons; US: Florida
KEYWORDS: a; be; by; dispute; federalcourt; govwatch; is; judge; not; okthen; paper; parody; realruling; rock; rules; scissorsmatch; settled; this; to
Is it just me or is real life surpassing anything that the onion or scrappleface could ever dream up?
1 posted on 06/08/2006 12:35:47 AM PDT by freepatriot32
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To: Abram; albertp; AlexandriaDuke; Allosaurs_r_us; Americanwolf; Americanwolfsbrother; Annie03; ...
You guys should get a kick out of this :-)

Libertarian ping.To be added or removed from my ping list freepmail me or post a message here

2 posted on 06/08/2006 12:36:43 AM PDT by freepatriot32 (Holding you head high & voting Libertarian is better then holding your nose and voting republican)
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To: freepatriot32

I have my boys use rock, paper, scissors to settle things as often as possible.


3 posted on 06/08/2006 12:41:20 AM PDT by Ruth A. (we might as well fight in the first ditch as the last)
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To: Ruth A.
"I have my boys use rock, paper, scissors to settle things as often as possible."

Yes, but do they prepare triplicate paper source documents to document the usuage of rock, paper, scissors while charging clients $250 an hour or more?

4 posted on 06/08/2006 12:46:10 AM PDT by DannyTN
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To: freepatriot32
This judge knows how to embarass a couple of idiot attorneys.
5 posted on 06/08/2006 12:54:15 AM PDT by TheConservator (Confutatis maledictis flammis acribus addictis. . . .)
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To: freepatriot32

Hey, here in Nevada it's the law that you settle a tied election with a deck of cards -- high card drawn wins.


6 posted on 06/08/2006 12:56:57 AM PDT by JennysCool (Roll out the Canarble Wagon!)
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To: Ruth A.; freepatriot32; DannyTN; TheConservator

It's funny...until they appeal, claiming a violation of their right to due process as a result of the arbitrary adjudication inherent in a ruling-by-Rock, Paper, Scissors.

I would like to know more.


7 posted on 06/08/2006 12:58:41 AM PDT by LibertarianInExile ('Is' and 'amnesty' both have clear, plain meanings. Are Bill, McQueeg and the President related?)
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To: DannyTN
And the judge is preventing them from continuing in such expensive dithering.

When the attorney arrived at St. Peter's gate, he was confused why he was there.

St. Peter replies, "You're 82 years old and lived a reasonably long life." The attorney is dumbfounded and sputters, "I'm only 32!"

Looking in his book, St. Peter says, "Not according to your billable hours."

8 posted on 06/08/2006 12:59:42 AM PDT by Ruth A. (we might as well fight in the first ditch as the last)
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To: freepatriot32

9 posted on 06/08/2006 1:12:04 AM PDT by Gondring (If "Conservatives" now wants to "conserve" our Constitution away, then I must be a Preservative!)
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To: Gondring
Sponsored by Bud Light...


10 posted on 06/08/2006 1:15:31 AM PDT by Gondring (If "Conservatives" now wants to "conserve" our Constitution away, then I must be a Preservative!)
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To: freepatriot32

Once again proving that truth is stranger than fiction. You simply can't make this stuff up.

When a federal court judge makes a ruling that minimalizes and mocks the court system, perhaps it's an indication that we can do with fewer courts and fewer idiot judges!!


11 posted on 06/08/2006 4:08:43 AM PDT by DustyMoment (FloriDUH - proud inventors of pregnant/hanging chads and judicide!!)
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To: DustyMoment

I disagree, it does not mock the court, it mocks the attorneys, showing how childish they are.

Porsonally, I'd ratyher attorneys have to settle it with their left wrists bound together, and a knife in the right hand. Then they'd really earn what they charge.


12 posted on 06/08/2006 4:11:59 AM PDT by Toby06 (True conservatives vote based on their values, not for parties.)
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To: freepatriot32

Lawyers should settle disputes by dueling at dawn.


13 posted on 06/08/2006 4:28:22 AM PDT by mtbopfuyn (I think the border is kind of an artificial barrier - San Antonio councilwoman Patti Radle)
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To: Toby06
I disagree, it does not mock the court, it mocks the attorneys, showing how childish they are.

Judges have options. They can hear a case, or refuse to hear a case. If the case is stupid at its core, they simply have to refuse to hear it.

But, "punishing" the attorneys who filed the case the judge decided to hear makes a mockery of the court system. Until we have a "loser pays" system, when judges decide to hear stupid cases, it isn't the attorney's fault - it's the idiot judge who decided to hear the case.
14 posted on 06/08/2006 4:41:53 AM PDT by DustyMoment (FloriDUH - proud inventors of pregnant/hanging chads and judicide!!)
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To: Gondring

Scissors. Oh yeah, I like scissors!


15 posted on 06/08/2006 5:17:05 AM PDT by Toby06 (True conservatives vote based on their values, not for parties.)
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To: Toby06

I love ROCKS...

I'm a geologist...yeah, that's why.... ;-)


16 posted on 06/08/2006 5:23:36 AM PDT by Gondring (If "Conservatives" now wants to "conserve" our Constitution away, then I must be a Preservative!)
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To: freepatriot32

LOL. Sounds like the lawyers were acting likes bratty kids, so the judge treated them like bratty kids.


17 posted on 06/08/2006 5:26:33 AM PDT by Samwise (All that is needed for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.)
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To: Gondring
she could rock me anytime
18 posted on 06/08/2006 5:43:04 AM PDT by Charlespg (Civilization and freedom are only worthy of those who defend or support defending It)
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To: Toby06
Personally, I'd rather attorneys have to settle it with their left wrists bound together, and a knife in the right hand. Then they'd really earn what they charge.

Thunder dome style. Two go in, one comes out.

19 posted on 06/08/2006 6:02:49 AM PDT by redgolum ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" -- God.)
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To: freepatriot32
It ain't just you, FRiend.
20 posted on 06/08/2006 6:06:33 AM PDT by Old Student (WRM, MSgt, USAF(Ret.))
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To: Ruth A.
"You're 82 years old and lived a reasonably long life."

Yeah, but he got a huge estate in heaven for being the only lawyer there.

That and the lawyer's clock that every one has that ticks once for every sin was being used as a fan by heaven.

And he's really lucky as a lawyer in his life he wasn't used for medical experiments...because lawyers are more plentiful than lab rats, the lab assistance don't get as attached and there's some things a rat just won't do.

21 posted on 06/08/2006 6:10:06 AM PDT by DannyTN
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To: freepatriot32
"We will make sure that rock, paper scissors is not made a mockery by the legal system. When people take rock, paper, scissors into their own hands, mayhem can occur," he said.

ROTFLMBO!!! What a wise-ass!

22 posted on 06/08/2006 7:20:43 AM PDT by lesser_satan (EKTHELTHIOR!!!)
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To: lesser_satan

That is freakin' hilarious!


23 posted on 06/08/2006 7:23:19 AM PDT by Xenalyte (There are some things money can't buy, like a dinosaur.)
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To: Xenalyte

Born 1942; appointed in 2000 by President Clinton


24 posted on 06/08/2006 8:13:45 AM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Democrats - The reason we need term limits)
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To: freepatriot32

We have this in Washington, DC all the time. Some kid stabs another kids with scissors. The victim's parents say the kid should be sent off for life to break up rocks. Then the whole thing gets papered over and the kid is back in school the next day.


25 posted on 06/08/2006 10:16:18 AM PDT by Our man in washington
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To: freepatriot32
As long as the federal government is in charge of dispensing the arbitration, they should complicate matters as usual by upgrading Rock, Papers, Scissors to RPS-25.
26 posted on 06/09/2006 7:25:28 AM PDT by Quark2005 (Confidence follows from consilience.)
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To: Xenalyte; presidio9; pissant; RexBeach; Red Badger; MadIvan

It's a perfectly legimate passtime. I guess.


27 posted on 11/13/2006 8:19:15 AM PST by Froufrou
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To: Froufrou
It's a bit more interesting than flipping a coin, I suppose.

Regards, Ivan

28 posted on 11/13/2006 8:21:12 AM PST by MadIvan (I aim to misbehave.)
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To: Quark2005
Re: RPS-25.

I guess it would be useful for making choices with a large number of people involved, but I think there is too much ambiguity to it for it to be as useful as RPS-3.

RPS-3 is also much easier to understand.

29 posted on 11/13/2006 8:52:37 AM PST by zeugma (I reject your reality and substitute my own in its place. (http://www.zprc.org/))
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