Breaking the news... (WARNING - This is Satire)

14 June 2006 | Ron Pickrell

[pickrell]

No one at the MSNBC network has confirmed or denied that one of it's journalists, Chris Matthews, is currently under investigation for child molestation. An unnamed source added, "We won't fuel this fire, and unfairly smear this fine political operative."

"It would be premature to convict Matthews of child molestation, or any other crime," officials implied, off of the record. "At the time of any offense, he may have an alibi, in that he was explaining Karl Rove's crimes to the American public, on the air."

No deal was announced, yet, between the MSNBC commentator's attorneys, and area police officials. "The culture of unaccountable slander, which seems to so permeate the mainstream news industry, will certainly not be allowed to prevent Matthews from availing himself of every legal technicality at the disposal of his lawyers," an unnamed source insisted.

Sources close to the prosecutor, or who at least once passed by him on the sidewalk, have denied that the arrest of Matthews will absolutely take place on Friday. The extent of the evidence discovered against the biased newsreader is unknown at this point, but MSNBC's David Schuster has definitively declined to go on the record to speculate as to when the indictment will be issued.

"We are too professional to slander a fellow journalist by implication", the rumor circulated that Schuster was thinking. "If we did such a thing, we'd be really stuck to manage to apologize adequately afterwards, and would be in as bad of a fix as those Marine Haditha murderers."

Many on this site are pleased that the presumption of innocence still rules, and that a good man may not be libeled with impunity, simply by implication, assertion, and that 5th horsement of calumny... denial.

Anyone doing so would owe grave apologies.

[Fury]

?

[LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget]

heh

[CholeraJoe]

Ping. WTFO?

[facedown]

Well done!

[twigs]

Don't believe it. This should go away. Where's the link?

[philo]

I ain't touching this one

[ECM]

Cute :)

[jasoncann]

Now fax that out to all the news orgs and you will have a news story... blood in the water in a pool full of sharks.

[Slings and Arrows]

Substitute "Karl Rove" or "the Haditha Marines" for "Chris Matthews."

[listenhillary]

It's the seriousness of the charge that is important here.

[stylin19a]

Marines don't get the same consideration.

[RexBeach]

Huh?

[MarkeyD]

Sarcasm alert!

[Solamente]

A satire on the unidentified eyewitness to Zarq being beaten to death by soldiers media frenzy?

[jeremiah]

I am going on record right now, to assert that child molestation does happen. The principals involved are still uncertain, but at this point there is no doubt that something happened.

[philo]

I get it now. nice touch

[atomicpossum]

Yep. Pretty much the routine.

[tomnbeverly]

GUILTY..... Now let him prove himself innocent....

[E. Pluribus Unum]

Don't believe it. This should go away. Where's the link?

As Rush would say, this is merely "illustrating absurdity with absurdity."

[nikos1121]

I sense a bit of sarcasm here. Obviously, this is not a true post, and I'm sure it will be removed.

[stylin19a]

arg.....got me !

[theFIRMbss]

"The charges are not
real and they are not true, but
they are news, real NEWS!"

[tomnbeverly]

Indict now.... I'll testify that he touched me....

[Sue Perkick]

LOL. Well done!

[processing please hold]

Ahhhh, putting the shoe on the other foot. I wish something like this would take off and travel around the world several times. Then they'd realize how it feels.

[Bahbah]

Excellent. Very, very clever.

[FreedomNeocon]

Fake but accurate... I haven't seen any proof that shows he hasn't molested children.

I think we need to have a congressional investigation to see whats going on in the news industry that has created this culture of molestation.

[sandbar]

>>>A satire on the unidentified eyewitness to Zarq being beaten to death by soldiers media frenzy?>>>

A satire on the Haditha Marines who have not been charged, but have certainly been convicted (by the drive by media)

[karnage]

"When did you stop beating your wife?"

[stopsign]

"When did you stop beating your wife?"

I never did...: ) <<< me

[Zon]

It may have been him but it could be anyone.

[mass55th]

Come on pickrell...it's only about sex.

Was going to write that when your thread was prematurely pulled for review. Glad it was reposted by the mod so I could finish my thought ;-)

[TypeZoNegative]

Child molestation isn't anything to joke about.

[badpacifist]

Lols what a pile of murtha.

[savedbygrace]

I'm lovin' it. After watching a minute or so of Chrissy's show last night, where he had a circle jerk with Isikoff and a couple other lefties, and they all agreed the Rove had "gotten away with leaking like a sieve", I'm not surprised that this rumor would surface today.

LOL

[new cruelty]

Speaking the truth to power or something along those lines...

[pickrell]

"...Come on pickrell...it's only about sex..."

You're the only one who caught that! I thought everyone would. Good eyes.

"But...but... if we're wrong... where will Matthews go to get his reputation back?"

Thanks for the reply. :-)

[pickrell]

"...Child molestation isn't anything to joke about..."

Actually, neither is character assassination. What a world we live in, eh?