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Breaking the news... (WARNING - This is Satire)
14 June 2006 | Ron Pickrell

Posted on 06/14/2006 7:43:06 AM PDT by pickrell

No one at the MSNBC network has confirmed or denied that one of it's journalists, Chris Matthews, is currently under investigation for child molestation. An unnamed source added, "We won't fuel this fire, and unfairly smear this fine political operative."

"It would be premature to convict Matthews of child molestation, or any other crime," officials implied, off of the record. "At the time of any offense, he may have an alibi, in that he was explaining Karl Rove's crimes to the American public, on the air."

No deal was announced, yet, between the MSNBC commentator's attorneys, and area police officials. "The culture of unaccountable slander, which seems to so permeate the mainstream news industry, will certainly not be allowed to prevent Matthews from availing himself of every legal technicality at the disposal of his lawyers," an unnamed source insisted.

Sources close to the prosecutor, or who at least once passed by him on the sidewalk, have denied that the arrest of Matthews will absolutely take place on Friday. The extent of the evidence discovered against the biased newsreader is unknown at this point, but MSNBC's David Schuster has definitively declined to go on the record to speculate as to when the indictment will be issued.

"We are too professional to slander a fellow journalist by implication", the rumor circulated that Schuster was thinking. "If we did such a thing, we'd be really stuck to manage to apologize adequately afterwards, and would be in as bad of a fix as those Marine Haditha murderers."

Many on this site are pleased that the presumption of innocence still rules, and that a good man may not be libeled with impunity, simply by implication, assertion, and that 5th horsement of calumny... denial.

Anyone doing so would owe grave apologies.


TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: matthews; mediatactics; smearcampaigns

1 posted on 06/14/2006 7:43:08 AM PDT by pickrell
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To: pickrell

?


2 posted on 06/14/2006 7:43:41 AM PDT by Fury
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To: pickrell

heh


3 posted on 06/14/2006 7:44:47 AM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (God punishes Conservatives by making them argue with fools.)
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To: xsmommy

Ping. WTFO?


4 posted on 06/14/2006 7:45:02 AM PDT by CholeraJoe ("Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm f*cked.")
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To: pickrell

Well done!


5 posted on 06/14/2006 7:45:04 AM PDT by facedown (Armed in the Heartland)
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To: pickrell

Don't believe it. This should go away. Where's the link?


6 posted on 06/14/2006 7:45:16 AM PDT by twigs
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To: pickrell

I ain't touching this one


7 posted on 06/14/2006 7:45:20 AM PDT by philo
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To: pickrell

Cute :)


8 posted on 06/14/2006 7:45:20 AM PDT by ECM (Government is a make-work program for lawyers.)
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Comment #9 Removed by Moderator

To: Fury

Substitute "Karl Rove" or "the Haditha Marines" for "Chris Matthews."


10 posted on 06/14/2006 7:45:34 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Pray for peace, prepare for war.)
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To: pickrell

It's the seriousness of the charge that is important here.


11 posted on 06/14/2006 7:45:50 AM PDT by listenhillary (Only the stupidest of animals fouls it's own nest - Democrats provide a fine example of this)
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To: pickrell

Marines don't get the same consideration.


12 posted on 06/14/2006 7:45:56 AM PDT by stylin19a
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To: pickrell

Huh?


13 posted on 06/14/2006 7:46:15 AM PDT by RexBeach ("There is no substitute for victory." -Douglas MacArthur)
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To: twigs

Sarcasm alert!


14 posted on 06/14/2006 7:46:20 AM PDT by MarkeyD (Make Love, Not Cartoons. I really, really loathe liberals.)
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To: Fury

A satire on the unidentified eyewitness to Zarq being beaten to death by soldiers media frenzy?


15 posted on 06/14/2006 7:46:23 AM PDT by Solamente (Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud hatch out...)
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To: pickrell

I am going on record right now, to assert that child molestation does happen. The principals involved are still uncertain, but at this point there is no doubt that something happened.


16 posted on 06/14/2006 7:46:56 AM PDT by jeremiah (How much did we get for that rope?)
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To: pickrell

I get it now. nice touch


17 posted on 06/14/2006 7:47:06 AM PDT by philo
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To: pickrell

Yep. Pretty much the routine.


18 posted on 06/14/2006 7:47:10 AM PDT by atomicpossum (Replies must follow approved guidelines or you will be kill-filed without appeal.)
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To: pickrell

GUILTY..... Now let him prove himself innocent....


19 posted on 06/14/2006 7:47:23 AM PDT by tomnbeverly (I am pissed off at the President cause he hasn't cured cancer yet.)
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To: twigs
Don't believe it. This should go away. Where's the link?

As Rush would say, this is merely "illustrating absurdity with absurdity."

20 posted on 06/14/2006 7:47:42 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum (Islam Factoid:After forcing young girls to watch his men execute their fathers, Muhammad raped them.)
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To: pickrell

I sense a bit of sarcasm here. Obviously, this is not a true post, and I'm sure it will be removed.


21 posted on 06/14/2006 7:48:00 AM PDT by nikos1121
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To: stylin19a
arg.....got me !
22 posted on 06/14/2006 7:48:11 AM PDT by stylin19a
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To: pickrell


"The charges are not
real and they are not true, but
they are news, real NEWS!"
23 posted on 06/14/2006 7:48:55 AM PDT by theFIRMbss
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To: pickrell

Indict now.... I'll testify that he touched me....


24 posted on 06/14/2006 7:49:06 AM PDT by tomnbeverly (I am pissed off at the President cause he hasn't cured cancer yet.)
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To: pickrell

LOL. Well done!


25 posted on 06/14/2006 7:49:47 AM PDT by Sue Perkick (...heavy strings, tune low, play hard and floor it. Floor it. That's technical talk....)
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To: pickrell

Ahhhh, putting the shoe on the other foot. I wish something like this would take off and travel around the world several times. Then they'd realize how it feels.


26 posted on 06/14/2006 8:11:01 AM PDT by processing please hold (If you can't stand behind our military, stand in front of them.)
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To: pickrell

Excellent. Very, very clever.


27 posted on 06/14/2006 8:13:00 AM PDT by Bahbah (Democrat Motto: Why not the worst)
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To: pickrell
Fake but accurate... I haven't seen any proof that shows he hasn't molested children.

I think we need to have a congressional investigation to see whats going on in the news industry that has created this culture of molestation.
28 posted on 06/14/2006 8:14:51 AM PDT by FreedomNeocon (Success is not final; Failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts -- Churchill)
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To: Solamente

>>>A satire on the unidentified eyewitness to Zarq being beaten to death by soldiers media frenzy?>>>

A satire on the Haditha Marines who have not been charged, but have certainly been convicted (by the drive by media)


29 posted on 06/14/2006 8:17:43 AM PDT by sandbar
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To: FreedomNeocon

"When did you stop beating your wife?"


30 posted on 06/14/2006 8:27:36 AM PDT by karnage
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To: karnage
"When did you stop beating your wife?"

I never did...: ) <<< me

31 posted on 06/14/2006 8:29:49 AM PDT by stopsign ("What great fortune for government, That people don't think"....Der Fuhrer. Hummm.... : ) <<< me)
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To: jeremiah

It may have been him but it could be anyone.


32 posted on 06/14/2006 8:31:59 AM PDT by Zon (Honesty outlives the lie, spin and deception -- It always has -- It always will.)
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To: pickrell
Come on pickrell...it's only about sex.

Was going to write that when your thread was prematurely pulled for review. Glad it was reposted by the mod so I could finish my thought ;-)

33 posted on 06/14/2006 9:20:24 AM PDT by mass55th (Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway~~John Wayne)
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To: pickrell

Child molestation isn't anything to joke about.


34 posted on 06/14/2006 9:31:06 AM PDT by TypeZoNegative (".... We are a nation of Americans. We are DECENDED from legal immigrants"- johnandrhonda)
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To: pickrell
Lols what a pile of murtha.
35 posted on 06/14/2006 9:32:46 AM PDT by badpacifist (The media has our troops surrounded. Someone must break through enemy lines.)
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To: pickrell

I'm lovin' it. After watching a minute or so of Chrissy's show last night, where he had a circle jerk with Isikoff and a couple other lefties, and they all agreed the Rove had "gotten away with leaking like a sieve", I'm not surprised that this rumor would surface today.

LOL


36 posted on 06/14/2006 9:54:12 AM PDT by savedbygrace (SECURE THE BORDERS FIRST (I'M YELLING ON PURPOSE))
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To: pickrell

Speaking the truth to power or something along those lines...


37 posted on 06/14/2006 9:57:31 AM PDT by new cruelty
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To: mass55th
"...Come on pickrell...it's only about sex..."

You're the only one who caught that! I thought everyone would. Good eyes.

"But...but... if we're wrong... where will Matthews go to get his reputation back?"

Thanks for the reply. :-)

38 posted on 06/14/2006 10:17:30 AM PDT by pickrell (Old dog, new trick...sort of)
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To: TypeZoNegative
"...Child molestation isn't anything to joke about..."

Actually, neither is character assassination. What a world we live in, eh?

39 posted on 06/14/2006 10:19:24 AM PDT by pickrell (Old dog, new trick...sort of)
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