Skip to comments.Niagra... and a new chance
Posted on 07/25/2006 8:12:27 PM PDT by pickrell
An emerging affliction is gaining attention on the New England coast. It seems that the rage and anxiety resulting from the inability of the political left to gain traction with the average voter has now achieved recognition as a syndrome. Specialists are frantically exploring treatment options for electile dysfunction.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, recently stymied in her attempts to have President Bush censured for his "late and ineffective response" to the Mount St. Helens eruption, has promised to gain Medicare recognition for the disease. "You don't have to spend much time in the Gore household, to realize the debilitating effects of this illness," she challenged. "Victims are disproportionately those who subsist on a diet of Brie and Sauvignon Blanc, and now find themselves unfairly impotent in polling affairs."
The most promising of the several regimens being tested is the new drug Niagra. The drug was so named when it was discovered that it produces the same... visibly obvious physiological reaction... as imagining yourself pushing certain Massachusetts Senators over the Falls, without benefit of a barrel.
Dosage limits will have to be carefully established, with notices broadcast endlessly over commercial television, that if the... effect... of the new drug lasts more than 4 hours, it would be well to consult a doctor. In the words of Bill Clinton, "Anyone dumb enough to have to be told that needs to have his head examined..."
"We must emphasize that this drug is risky," Dr. Eunice Gelding stated, "but 'Niagara' offers the only chance for the Party of Peace to...er... stand tall, at last. We've tried prosthetics, but Mr. Kerry has been disappointing. Frankly, there is no soft option left... to the Left. So to speak."
Volunteers willing to take part in clinical trials will have all expenses paid, a lifetime subscription to the magazine "The Village", and free season tickets to Streisand concerts. Participants must have a history of diagnosed dejection reactions to successes in the war on terror, and a signed waiver from a committed life partner.
Didn't they solve this with their new slogan: A Nude Erection?
Red wine with brie, at least with good brie.
You get all the phytonutrients from red wine which are good for the heart.
Would be great satire if it weren't true.
Bravo. Very well done, very funny.