Posted on 05/17/2007 3:05:25 AM PDT by Vanders9
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent kidnapping of Navy personnel and terrorist threats from Iran, and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists themselves have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the British and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
For some reason I think of the name Lileks when I read this.
Excellent, but you forgot our illustrious American cousins:
‘Following the recent kidnapping of US soldiers by Al Quaeda the US has raised it’s threat level from “What threat?” to “That airliner is a bit near that building”. If things continue to deteriorate they are expected to raise it again to “Invade whoever looks most guilty” followed by the highest alert state which has not been used since the politicians lost the war in Vietnam and left the world wondering why a superpower couldn’t beat some gooks with pointy sticks, called threat level “Goddammit, we saved your asses!”. :D
Following some highly charged exchanges over the rights and wrongs of the US constitution and gun ownership (see passim) I would like to make it clear my name is Vanders9 and I do NOT endorse Britemps comment...
:) :) :)
Who or what is Lileks?
Lively debate is the staple diet of free people. :)
In this case it was more like being given a free diet of staples.
He writes like a dream...
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