Military rules, by Service [humor]

Strategy Page ^

[Renfield]

Marine Corps Rules: 1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. 2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. 3. Have a plan. 4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work. 5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet ­ even your friends… 6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4." 7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. 8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.) 9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. 10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours. 11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. 12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. 13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL's Rules: 1. Look very cool in sunglasses. 2. Kill every living thing within view. 3. Adjust speedo. 4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules: 1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving. 2. Locate individuals requiring killing. 3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing. 4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted. 5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules: 1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order. 2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee. 3. Curse bitterly. 4. Curse bitterly. 5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed. 6. Curse bitterly.

US Air Force Rules: 1. Have a cocktail. 2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner. 3. See what's on HBO. 4. Ask "what is a gunfight?" 5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation. 6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives. 7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets. 8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally. 9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time. 10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules: 1. Go to Sea. 2. Drink Coffee. 3. Deploy Marines

[burzum]

US Navy Rules: 1. Go to Sea. 2. Drink Coffee. 3. Deploy Marines

Hmm. I seem to remember quite a bit about cleaning the bilge and grumbling about khaki oppressors (especially if they made you clean the bilge). I don't remember much about deploying Marines, but that might just be because I was on a submarine. I don't think Marines would like being deployed by submarine.

[USMCVet]

Pretty straightforward to me..

(and no bias at all).

It reminds me of that old story where the the verb "to secure" means something different to each of the services, based on their cultures:

For example, if you ask someone in the army to "secure a building", they will close it and lock it up.

Similarly, if you ask a sailor to "secure a building", he will lock the building up and post a petty officer with a logbook to stand watch.

If you ask a Marine to "secure a building", he will storm the building and seize it by fire and maneuver (and be specific about which building you had in mind or he may pick several on his own...

Coversely, if you ask an airman to "secure a building", he or she will get a 6-year lease with an option to buy..

[dakine]

“US Air Force Rules:”

Number 1. Secure a Tee-time....

[SWEETSUNNYSOUTH]

You didn’t mention the Navy was a branch of the Marine Corps.

[Thrownatbirth]

I don't think Marines would like being deployed by submarine.

Each of our new SSGNs carry 66 Navy/Marine SOF peeps. Don't worry, the personnel hatch has bright markings so we can get them back after ops.

[Lucky Dog]

Your Air force rules have beren unexplainably abridged. All me to provide you with the full set:

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail but never within 12 hours of take off, spatial disorientation is a b*tch .

2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.

3. See what's on HBO.

4. Ask "what is a gunfight?" (After all, some fool might think your 20 mil Gatling cannon is a “gun”) .

5. Never close to “gun range” if you can shoot ‘em further away with a missile…A kill is a kill and using a missile makes the taxpayer feel like he is getting his money’s worth out of those expensive things.

6. Always attack out of the sun… Never let ‘em see you coming… a fair fight is a last resort.

7. Always use the fewest number of rounds per firing pass… that way you can kill more opponents.

8. Never maneuver your opponent to your own six o’clock unless you are trying to give your wingman a kill so he will buy you booze at the bar tonight.

9. If you got all the bad guys or they run and refuse to engage (the case in the last war), drop in and “hose” a few bad-guy tanks and such. The ground pounders really appreciate that and will usually buy you booze for it,

10. Send the Marines or the Army after you have expended al of your ordinance on the bad guy tanks and such, as it is really hard to take prisoners at 500 knots.

11. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation (those missiles are expensive) .

. 12. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives (Not only are those missiles expensive, but they are hard to make and you sure don’t want to run out or have them not work when you need them) .

13. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets. It takes a lot of effort to get those expensive missiles to the right place at the right time. .

14. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally. After all, one the chief advantages of air power is you don’t have to live in the dirt, wiggle weeds and eat snakes because you can get to the proper location from your home base.

15. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time. After all, one the chief advantages of air power is you don’t have to live in the dirt, wiggle weeds and eat snakes because you can get to the proper location from your home base.

16. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption If there aren't enough tankers to get there from home base, there is no sense in being stupid about it

[HANG THE EXPENSE]

Do not attend a gunfight with weapon calibre that does not start with a 4.WORDS TO LIVE BY.LOL and so very true.

[GonzoGOP]

They missed the number one rule of the Navy. If it moves salute it, if not paint it gray.

[SkyPilot]

I have seen this before, and it is humorous.

I would, however, urge some common sense and caution to those folks who keep re-posting this here.

To denigrate another service, and their valor, is not something appropriate for this forum.

This was a friend of mine, Air Force Major Duane Dively, who died when he U-2 crashed after a mission over Afghanistan.

We went to pilot training together. He was my friend.

He gave more than all of you for those reading this for his nation.

Fallen Heroes of Operation Enduring Freedom

[Old Sarge]

You forgot rules common to ALL services in the 21st Century:

* Attend mandatory sensitivity training;
* Curse with futility when JAG overrides your commander’s shoot order;
* Avoid serving with Guard units whose home base is in a Democrat’s district;
* Beware the E-4 Mafia;

[Old Sarge]

Meaning, of course, that MY service is not as good as his?

[rollo tomasi]

These jokes are fine but not while current Air Force personnel are in Afghan. getting shot at just like their Army/Marine brethren.

Air Force Major who is a good friend just got deployed (With the Army) to Afghan. for at least 360 days. Expecting his second child in Oct. so lets leave the golf jokes alone till everyone is safely back home.

[SkyPilot]

Not at all sir.

He gave his life.

[tongue-tied]

My condolences on your loss of a friend, and a crisp salute to the late MAJ Dively.

It is normal inter-service needling, but I would also point out that things are changing rapidly: I am Navy, but on terra firma in Afghanistan for the next year with a bunch of Air Force folks. We do have one Marine working with us, and a few Army, but mainly it is a joint AF/Navy operation.

It is funny though, because to be honest, there is not enough coffee for my taste, nor a single tee time available for the Air Force. The course is all rocks. Once again, I blame the stoopid recruiter....

[Sir Francis Dashwood]

Ask a Ranger to secure a building and you will have only skeletal support structure, a leaky roof left to deal with and no hostiles.

[Old Sarge]

YOU said:

He gave more than all of you for those reading this for his nation.

Meaning that the willing sacrifices I've made during my deployments don't measure up to his.

I am not a Sir. I am a Sergeant.

And you have denigrated my service, and the careers of many on this forum.

[SkyPilot]

I posted this is #10.

To denigrate another service, and their valor, is not something appropriate for this forum.

Moreover, I stated, and correctly, that he gave more than anyone else reading this - he died for this nation.

The "Last Full Measure of Devotion."

How is that out of line?

It isn't.

If you don't agree - then I cannot convince you. If you want to pick a needless fight about it, I cannot stop you.

Again, it is a shame that threads like these (even done in humor) are posted, and re-posted again and again on Free Republic.

It is wholly inappropriate while our members from all the services are engaged in war.

[joseph20]

Do not attend a gunfight with weapon calibre that does not start with a 4.WORDS TO LIVE BY.LOL and so very true.

[joseph20]

Air Force Major Duane Dively



American Hero