Posted on 03/31/2008 10:19:47 PM PDT by B-Chan
Kimberly-Clark Wins Cowboys Stadium Name Game
VALLEY RANCH — After several months of secret negotiations, the NFL's Dallas Cowboys and Irving, Texas-based Kimberly-Clark Corporation have inked a sponsorship deal for the new billion-dollar Dallas Cowboys stadium, currently under construction in Arlington, Texas, The stadium will be called Kimberly-Clark Depend® Stadium when it opens in 2009. The name was announced at a press conference on Tuesday by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and Kimberly-Clark Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Thomas Falk.
"It sounds a little funny at first, I know," a wry Jones told reporters as a ripple of laughter crossed the room, "But, despite the association with, er, incontinence and digestive issues, it's a proud name and a proud product. Kimberly-Cark is a great Dallas-Fort Worth area business, and we couldn't be happier that they've come on board the stadium in such a big way."
K-C CEO Falk appeared noticeably less amused by the smiles of the local press corps. "Yes, I suppose there is a certain giggle factor in naming a pro football field after the Depend® family of adult incontinence undergarments," he said. "But we feel our products — Poise Pads, Guards for Men, Depend Protective Underwear, Depend Refastenable Underwear, Fitted Briefs, and Boost liners — are a great match for the Cowboys' new home. Both the Cowboys and the Depend brand are synonymous with world-class quality, reliability, and active lifestyles. Besides, it's no stupider than having a Viagra® race car." Viagra, Pfizer Inc.'s well-known erectile dysfunction medication, is the team sponsor of NASCAR racing team of driver Mark Martin.
As for the details of the deal, both team and Kimberly-Clark sources are mum, but "You can assume something in the $20 million per year for at least 20 years, range," said Vito Affensarsch, sports financial analyst at noted Vegas bookmaker Tuckus & Rheem. "Kimberly-Clark is a big bucks outfit, even bigger than Jerry Jones. You can bet the Cowboys didn't have to strain hard to get the deal they got."
***
Rated as "the most valuable sports team in the world" by Forbes Magazine, with an estimated value of approximately $1.5 billion, the Dallas Cowboys are "America's Team". Since their first season in 1960, the Cowboys have become the winningest team in modern NFL history, boasting five Super Bowl championships [1971 (VI), 1977 (XII), 1992 (XXVII), 1993 (XXVIII), 1995 (XXX)], ten Conference Championships, 19 Division Championships, and 29 playoff appearances. The Cowboys are also one of the wealthiest teams in the NFL, generating almost $250 million in annual revenue.
Kimberly-Clark Corporation (NYSE: KMB, BMV: Kimber) is an American corporation that produces mostly paper-based consumer products. Kimberly-Clark brand name products include "Kleenex" facial tissue, "Kotex" feminine hygiene products, "Cottonelle" toilet paper, Wypall utility wipes, "KimWipes" scientific cleaning wipes, and "Huggies" disposable diapers. Based in Irving, Texas, it has approximately 55,000 employees.
Link: Dallas Cowboys website [ http://www.dallascowboys.com/ ]
Link: Kimberly-Clark's official website [ http://www.kimberly-clark.com ]
Link: New Stadium Website [http://stadium.dallascowboys.com/]
The Kotex Kowboys...maybe Jessica Simpson can be in the commercia.s
The Diaper Bowl!
April Fool.
As a life long Dallas Cowboys fan, I am shamed. I hope Jerry enjoys the money, he’s sold his dignity.
April Fools
Pssst! See my post 4.
And I was ready to laugh thinking it would be “Kleenex Stadium.” You have to wonder how long this will last.
Now I'm shamed and embarrased! And happy it's not true.
Let it be know that I DID NOT click on the link ;)
“The Dallas Times Herald”. Damn, I’ve been fooled!
To the raucus roar of laughter from all whom were in attendence.
Can't wait for the announcer as he calls the games.
Note to self ... trust NOTHING on FR for the next 36 hours.
This joke had an outside shot at success had it not said K-C negotiated with Irving to name a stadium even it admits is being built in Arlington.
plus it mentioned the news conference occured on Tuesday
Worse — you've been rickrolled!
(Note to foreigners: The late, lamented Dallas Times Herald was the evening paper in Dallas for 103 years. It was last published on 8 December 1991.)
In it’s time, a damn fine paper.
“As a life long Dallas Cowboys fan, I am shamed. I hope Jerry enjoys the money, he’s sold his dignity.”
How else will he pay for Pacman Jones’s contract? :P
BRILLIANT April Fool!
I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Next: Rangers Ballpark to become “Fleet Disposable Enema Ballpark”.
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