Jezebelle? Or Mother Theresa?
Posted on 07/07/2008 1:52:51 PM PDT by Scythian
Poor guy.
No babies possible, low self-image/weight gain, hormone changes, chronic fatique/pain, vaginal discomfort, domestic rut, on a pedestal, vengeance, ignorance...
...ducking now...
Jezebelle? Or Mother Theresa?
Men and women are just wired differently. "Horney is as horney does!"
“If I charged, would I be a nurse or a prostitute?”
That is an interesting question! I think a senate committee should IMMEDIATELY begin hearings on the subject! This is as big as..big as...FOOTBALL SPYING! Arlen! Get busy man!
“Now about the sex, it’s really not so hard.”
Then those quickies must not be so easy!
I don’t care who you are, that line you posted is darnded funny!
Twink, you made me chuckle. I don't know whether you are a man or woman, and that would of course affect the content of my reply. Suffice it to say that regardless of your sex, you are either in your 20s or in a very rare relationship. I expect it is the former.
The rapid decline in sexual desire for women in their 30s, especially after having children, is almost a guarantee. As a middle-aged man I can tell you categorically that it happens to everyone. I'm convinced that the old line from a 40-year old male, in the middle of an affair with his secretary, "my wife doesn't understand me" is 95% about her lack of sexual desire.
Get a bunch of 40-something men together, without wives, with a little sauce to loosen up their tongues, and at least one of the conversations will be about (the lack of) sex with their wives. Possibly a joke. To wit:
Three middle-aged men are playing golf one fine summer day, and on a dare they all make a pact -- to find some way, any way, to golf together on Christmas Day. They shake hands on it and finish their round.
Christmas Day comes, 8 AM. The first two arrive, and at the last minute so does the third. They grin and shake hands, and all exclaim to each other, "what did you have to do to get away?"
The first says, "I had to buy her a mink coat."
The second says, "That's nothing -- I had to buy my wife a brand new BMW."
The third fellow is saying nothing but has a smirk on his face. His buddies say, "C'mon, what did you have to buy your wife?" "Nothing," he replies.
The buddies stare in disbelief. "Impossible!" they declare in unison. "How'd you do it?"
The third fellow says, "it was easy. This morning, when I woke up, I nudged her and said, "Merry Christmas, Honey. What'll it be? Sex -- or golf?" She thought it over and said, "Have a good time and be back by noon."
Also I suggest Dr Laura’s book on the “Care and Feeding of Husbands.” My wife says that Flanagan’s article, and Dr Laura’s book, were eye-openers. Especially for women educated in the 1970s or 1980s at today’s liberal arts college.
I find it interesting that, as a woman, you appreciate the readings.
Good luck.
Sensitivity is diminished by the build up of calouses............not recommended.
“The Care and Feeding of Husbands” from what I have heard reminded me way too much of “Fascinating Womanhood”. My husband called the latter book “the joke book”. He said the common sense things are what any person wants. To be treated with respect. The issue is forcing oneself to do something because a book says so. A woman loses a lot of herself in trying to emulate being “the perfect wife”, resentment follows, and well the rest goes from there. Really it has to come from within. Then, it comes natural. Just keying in on the little things that make a spouse happy. With that focus instead of feeling a “have to”, it makes things easier. Of course, I am going through some crushed rubble right now, because of that previous resentment.
One freeper, some months past, obviously undermedicated for this same affliction said he was just standing in front of the mirror one day and looked and said what was once his pride and joy had now become a small red button of a fur coat. He had given up.
its not working!
The answer is simple - cut out the crap in the marriage. Stuff that isn't helpful to the marriage has to go away. Concentrate on the positive things. Thank her for meals, laundry, cleaning, working ... and let her know that with the years has come wisdom, and knowledge.
Quickies are nice and there is a place for them - but you have to ask yourself - when was her last orgasm. Hers should always be first and the primary point of any intimate time. I promise, if she has regular orgasms then you will too.
Take the anger, resentment, insecurity away from any woman and they usually have a sex drive equal to most men. These things are invisible barriers to intimacy. The more intimate time a couple have the stronger the marriage is. Women need to remove stress, disappointment and insecurity from their men. It is a 2 way street that leads to heaven on earth.
I have been with my wife for more years than I not - so maybe I'm out of touch.
Wife: Doctor, tell me - how serious is it with my husband?
Doctor: Your husband is very ill, but with your help he can live a long normal life.
Wife: What will I Have to do?
Doctor: Take care of his every need, bath him, cook his favorite meals, give him all the sex he can handle, read to him and give him massages before bed time.
Husband: Well dear, what did the doctor tell you about my condition.
Wife: You’re going to die.
One of George Carlin’s famous lines:
“Oh damn, I’ve outlived my dick”.
Hungarian, interesting thoughts. You are dead right about a woman submitting because she “has to.”
That said, all relationships are filled with acts that one wouldn’t ordinarily do, but does anyway because of a power dynamic, family relationship, or love.
Examples: a junior employee hates to do the menial tasks during a staff meeting but does it without complaining because it’s his job. An adult child hates to have to negotiate legal matters for his senile parents but does because of a sense of duty to his parents. A wife hates to cook a husband’s favorite ethnic meal but does, out of love, because it makes him happy. A husband hates to spend New Years at a fancy party, wearing a tuxedo, but does out of love for his wife.
These are all “have tos” yet few would argue they are unreasonable.
Now to the sensitive topics, like sex. Should a wife submit because her husband desires sex more? Ouch.
Personally, I think the issue with all the examples above is first respect (not necessarily love), and second power. In the work setting, the junior employee does the menial task. He either hates it and thinks for the umpteenth time, “I can’t wait to get a new job across town.” The power dynamic. If he thinks, “I dislike doing this but, then again, I am the most junior employee, and I really want the boss to be effective in the meeting,” then we have a power dynamic plus respect.
Perhaps the issue regarding sex between a reluctant wife and desiring husband is, the submission needs to be out of love and respect, with no power dynamic. I assume that if a woman does it our of fear, either physical fear or losing him to an affair, then the resentment is strong.
The harder thing for Mrs. Tom H to accept was not submitting to sex, but a comment from both the article and the book, that for the sake of the relationship, the first move belonged to the woman. There is flattery in such a thought — woman as the healer — but for a marriage with slow-burning resentment, you can imagine a hurt wife thinking, “why should I have to be the one to reach out?” A tough message. But both Flanagan, and to a greater extent Dr Laura, say that for the sake of the marriage the first move is the woman’s. Nancy Missler, in her books on marriage, says it even more strongly.
Such a message, not surprisingly, is vastly disturbing to the typical American woman today with a college education. Anything short of total and exact equality, much less submission, is verboten.
It’s not so difficult to accept if you’re a Christian, as we are. Both men and women are commanded to submit in humility. Then it becomes much easier. She submits to him on matters of sex. He submits to her on matters of love, and respect; also housework and honoring the things that are important to her. [If you’re married you know that men do not automatically do such.] Etc., etc.
I’m hoping these comments amplify yet don’t make you angry.
Good luck and God bless.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.