Posted on 08/04/2008 6:00:07 AM PDT by FreeManDC
Hey girls, want to get skanky? Well, sashay down to your local abuse shelter and get buzzed! No, you don't have to be a real victim of domestic violence. All you need is a convincing story.
Last year Hollie Cephas of Monticello, Ark. arrived on the doorstep of the Options shelter to recount her tale of woe: Her husband had beaten her to the point of having two miscarriages, he hid her insulin, and once he even called her a "fat pig."
The intake worker at Options had been taught to "always believe the victim," so of course she was beside herself. One employee was so moved that she loaned Mrs. Cephas $25,000 and let her use her credit card. That covered liquor purchases, a few shopping sprees at the local WalMart, burial expenses for her child, and more.
Then with a dramatic flourish, Cephas phoned the shelter to let them know she'd just had a kidney transplant and the life support was about to be turned off. She died a few days later.
It was all a hoax.
On February 11 police went to her home, where she was still very much alive, calmly residing with her allegedly battering husband. Cephas was hauled down to the Drew County Detention Center, where she was charged with theft by deception and a $250,000 bond placed on her head.
Here's the moral of the story: If you're going to accuse your husband of trying to knock you off, don't use a borrowed credit card after your own funeral.
Girls, there so many ways your interlude at the shelter can be relaxing, profitable, and fun.
First of all, realize you're entitled to three nutritious meals a day, personal toiletries, and so forth. Transportation services may also be available, "but the only excursions offered were to the local mall where a wealth of unaffordable merchandise stared them in the face," explains Nancy S., who spent two years shuttling among shelters in the San Francisco area.
Don't let your kids stop you from having the fun you deserve — all shelters offer free day care, sometimes courtesy of a local teenager who's working off her parole time. She'll have some interesting stories to regale the youngsters!
And don't worry if your kids are still black and blue from their latest visit to the wood shed — shelters won't turn you in for child abuse, at least if you're staying at Another Way in Lake City, Fla. As one former employee told me, "We always knew not to call the law unless you were prepared to be unemployed."
And if you want to toke a little weed, that's fine, too. After all, you've been battered and belittled, you deserve a little break.
If you're in the Houston area, be sure to go by the Bay Area Turning Point. That facility hosts dating parties where local men drop by to schmooze and relax. That's according to Bobbi Bacha, vice president of Blue Moon Investigations, who wonders whether such events are appropriate for abused women at such a vulnerable point in their lives.
And don't fret about that nine o'clock curfew. If you want to go behind the bushes with your new heart-throb or hang out with your old boyfriend — the one you said is your lifelong abuser — no problem, they'll reset the security alarm for you.
If lavender is your color of choice, you don't even need to venture outside. Everyone knows shelter staffs are replete with dykes cruising for a hook-up.
Got a man-problem? Shelters can solve that, as well.
At Bethany House in Falls Church, Va., "Women with almost no marital problems are declared abused and are coached by the staff to go to court and get a protective order against their husbands with the promise of long-term shelter, legal services, [and] counseling," reveals a former shelter volunteer.
And don't worry that your naughty antics might land you in the clink. The good ladies from the abuse shelter will bail you out. After all, you've obviously been suffering from Battered Woman's Syndrome.
Believe it or not, the best is yet to come!
Once you check out of the shelter, you now have the gold-plated Keys to the Kingdom. That's because you can now lay claim to life-long status as a victim, a battered woman. You're a certified survivor.
Want to skirt the return-to-work requirements under TANF? No hassle. Need to re-up your Section 8 housing? You're covered. Are you an illegal immigrant? Bienvenidos, amiga!
There's just one little hitch. Legions of other women have figured out how to work the system, so many shelters now have a long waiting list.
The solution, of course, is to come up with a better story.
So—why are they living (at other people’s expense) in a shelter for abused women?
No where in my post did I blame anyone. I merely suggested that by actually dating someone for a period of time (longer than a few weeks or months), you can get a better idea of what their tendencies are. A 100% guarantee? Of course not. But few things in life are.
My main point is that many of these women (and men) are short-circuiting the dating/courtship process, and are going right to shacking up, without really finding out about their partner. I would argue that the longer the courtship is successful; i.e., no physical or emotional abuse during, the greater the odds are for an abuse-free marriage.
Your argument that men just "snap" one day, after always being the chivalrous male, and beat the h@ll out of their wives is the real fantasy.
Or, the abuse starts fairly small, and escalates over the years. Or, you have a woman who is willing to take being slapped around to some extent, but then has kids with the guy and decides to leave when he starts beating them, too.
Thanks, guys...I’m glad somebody understood that there’s a rational way to deal with this issue.
I think of it as the boiling frog analogy. Abusor starts out wonderful, then slowly turns up the heat until there is no way out.
Wow. I got help (advice) from the Women’s Emergency Shelter when I was separated. My abuse was emotional and stalking behavior. I never asked and never got any assistance besides excellent advice on ways to protect myself and my children from his worsening and erratic behavior. I had no idea. wow.
You speak the truth my friend. Courtship has been replaced by a night of horniness/drunkenness as the mate selection method of choice for many in our society.
As I said in my post, there are no 100% guarantees in life...but you're just looking to play devil's advocate here.
Yes, usually, the first child comes after marriage (though I'm not certain any more).
But set aside what the AMA says about this for a moment. If a man is abusive during the relationship, it's almost a certainty that he'll be abusive afterwards, regardless of children.
What you, and others on this thread are suggesting is that men are predisposed to violence toward their spouse/partner, and that anything can set us off.
The recipe for a successful marriage can't possibly account for every little thing that might or might not happen in the future, but how someone treats you while you're courting them is a good indicator of what they might do after you're married.
To paraphrase Santayana, "those marriages that overlook past abuses, are most certain to repeat them in the future."
Of course, as with any story about an institution, it's not a question of how much gaming has been proven.
It's a question of whether the system involved is open to gaming. If so, the gaming will follow...it's an iron law of human nature.
Well, it didn't have to be...but I noticed you managed anyway.
To the people on this thread critical of the womens shelters, are you saying they should all be shut down?
I didn’t say that. Did the rest of “all” say that?
Well, it didn’t have to be...but I noticed you managed anyway.
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Apparently only to you, gogeo. Basil responded in kind in post #32, quite graciously, actually. She took my question in the spirit in which it was intended, and led to some pleasantries via freepmail. Nice of you to be looking out for Basil, but from what little I have gathered, she does not need your help.
Oh, I get it. Your point is to blame the victim of the crime, rather than the criminal. Did it ever occur to you that a fellow can be perfectly charming... in some cases for years... before ever becoming physically violent? Apparently you live in an alternate universe where this isn't the case, where some men don't behave better when they're trying to win a woman over than when they feel they've already got her...
I'm reminded that the start of knowledge is knowing what the answers are.
The start of wisdom is understanding what the questions are.
Surely there are alternatives on the spectrum between leaving these institutions as is and closing them down. Those who pose such an alternative are not adding to the discussion, but trying to end it.
Many people and organizations strive to be sacrosanct, above questioning; few are worthy of the status. No mission, however worthy, places those who claim it above questioning...unless, of course, good intentions are everything.
As for "blaming the victim," such an assertion shows a shallow read on human relations. Assigning blame is what we do after the murder; being blameless is not a sufficient standard to live by. Followed alone it's a recipe for victimhood and abuse.
After all, if it's merely a matter of blame, and the victim is blameless, what's the problem?
Blame in this case is a matter for the law to decide; being blameless means you have no legal liability.
Living a healthy life requires that one take responsibility for one's actions and their lives, and their decisions. This does not address the legal sphere at all...and if there's something that victims of abuse (especially parents, who have responsibility for the well being of children) need, it's better decision making.
Again, those who insist we need choose between the two are not extending the conversation, but trying to end it; these are two separate issues, addressing different aspects of the same situation.
It was objectively rude and argumentative. That she responded as she did shows a generosity of spirit on her part, not yours.
“At Bethany House in Falls Church, Va., “Women with almost no marital problems are declared abused and are coached by the staff to go to court and get a protective order against their husbands with the promise of long-term shelter, legal services, [and] counseling,” reveals a former shelter volunteer. “
It's the FATHER's role to protect and provide. Our society has castrated men of this role, however.
That’s just it, nobody knows what your saying. You worked at a shelter for considerable time, yet only recount what you percieved to be the abuses.
Every government system has abusers, people trying to game the system. Are you saying that these abuses are so widespread and inherent that the system is broken beyond repair, that it should be scrapped? Can it be fixed? How?
In all your time at this shelter, did you ever witness it helping some women or is your only interest in tearing it down by recounting anecdotal and maybe isolated examples of it being taken advantage of?
Some of the responses on this thread are so brutal it is no wonder conservatives are easily portrayed as inconsiderate and uncompassionate.
I understand and agree. However, this is an article about abuse shelters.
I believe in a spectrum of circumstances. I believe there are abusive husbands and fathers. I believe there are abusive mothers and wives. I believe those of both genders guilty of misconduct game the system.
I believe this system is ripe for abuse, as is much of family law. Nowhere else is a mere accusation treated as fact, nowhere else is due process summarily dismissed.
We're creating a system of law and societal norms that provide perverse incentives. Responsible guys are chumps to get married or become fathers.
Those who always "believe the victim" and believe all men to be potential abusers are to blame. Those who think men are irresponsible to not subject themselves to the system are accomplices in the destruction of the family.
The system is stacked against men and fathers. I've experienced it, as have many others.
Some of the posters on this thread are so easily swayed by professed good intentions one wonders if they are conservatives at all.
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